Voting

Today is the day the many in South Carolina have been waiting for….today should be the last day of the ridiculous political ads to be played ad naseum. Oh yeah, today is the day of the South Carolina primary voting which, if you believe the hype, is the day the Republican Presidential candidate will be selected (take that Iowa and New Hampshire!). Of course, they’ll say that SC has picked the candidate in the last number of contests (since 1980). Eventually that will change but for many here there is a sense of pride in this. Now the fact is that this is the 3rd of the contests and that many of the candidates drop out so there are fewer to pick from and therefore the odds swing in our favor (right now it’s a 50-50 chance). But let’s not muddy the water with facts (let’s stick to a debate format, we got this question from Matt in Bumpkinville on our Twitter feed, Matt has an important concern that is on the mind of many Americans during this tough economic time. Matt wants to know why you don’t have a cat. We’ll start with Rep. Ron Paul. “Well, there aren’t any cats mentioned in the Constitution….” [his supporters wearing their aluminum foil hats cheer and walk away from the debate thinking that cats are part of the anti-Ron Paul conspiracy]).

Anyhow, back to the day. Although a Presidential election did not occur during our time abroad, we are very happy to be back in the US take part in one of the roles of an American citizen. It is a privilege to vote and unfortunately many in the US do not feel the need to perform this function. Some, like those convicted of crimes, have forfeited this opportunity but for the remainder….there are very limited excuses that can explain why they did not vote (even those that are “disenfranchised because they have to show a valid state ID in order to vote). When you look around the world, it speaks volumes that so many turn their backs on this opportunity. Voter turnout in the US is well below what it should be and Americans should be ashamed of this fact. We have become fat and lazy and have forgotten the sacrifices that have been made in the past (and are still being made). It’s funny that in China, people believe that life in the US is easy because we have “human rights”. Instead many Americans have taken for granted that voting will always be there and believe that they only need to vote “when it matters”. Sorry folks, but it matters each and every time!

Get out there and make your choice known or shut the heck up! If you don’t vote (and believe me I think there should be some kind of test to keep stupid people from voting but that’s a different post) then don’t complain about the outcome. Don’t tell me my vote doesn’t count because I know when I leave the booth, my guy has one more vote than the other guy.

New Year's Eve

Since this was our first opportunity in a long time to spend New Year’s Eve with my family, we decided to take the plunge and invite everyone over for the Dudley’s Holiday Bash with Warren Seacrest and Jacob Clark. We planned on lots of food and use the Xbox 360 Kinect for entertainment.

You’ll need some quick background information to help with the story so here’s the Reader’s Digest version (if this were Star Wars, I would call it a prequel but like Star Wars, the later episodes come first). About 2 weeks ago, my parents went to the local Humane Society and brought home a dog (at least that’s what they say it is). They got a short-haired Chihuahua (you ever hear of a long-haired Chihuahua? There is such a thing but when I think of these dogs like many others I think “Yo Quero Taco Bell”.) that is about 14 months old and looks like a small deer. The people at the HS said it was 5 years old and weighed 9 pounds….it’s actually closer to 14 months old and weighs about the same as a small bag of Doritos (Taco Flavored just to keep the theme working). My parents have gone through multiple dogs (just to be clear, the dogs died of old age…we are not Korean…but they were delicious) and after the death of Missy, it appeared that my parents were going to be “dog free”. However, things changed and it was decided that it was time to get another dog. It was a surprise but at least it wasn’t a poodle, I HATE those curly little rats! (It all started when I was five and I went to my grandparent’s house….sorry, I’ve missed my last several sessions with the shrink.). Jacob and Warren accompanied my parents to the Humane Society to pick up the dog and bring it home. It seemed like a very docile animal with none of that small dog “yip-yip” barking. However, the dog also seemed a little skittish (again, we’re not Korean and on that note, do you think Kim Jong Il is in hell right now with dogs chewing on his fat ass? Just a thought.). Anyhow, that’s the background, on to the story.

So, my sister is the first to arrive to help us setup the buffet table. We’ve got ham, spring rolls, samosas, veggies & dip, chicken fingers, buffalo chicken dip, chips, soft drinks, etc. Plenty of food for everyone…in the neighborhood. I was outside slaving over the deep fryer to get the spring rolls & samosas cooked so they would be fresh for the party, the spring rolls are always better when they are hot out of the fryer. At about 6:15 or so, around the corner comes my mom with the little dog in tow. It was sniffing around just like any other dog but became a little spooked when it saw Tammy and I standing there looking at it. Lilly (that’s the dog’s name) continued to check out the yard at the end of the leash but it would look back often to see what we were doing (pay no attention to the people by the deep fryer….and if you were wondering, yes she would easily fit into the fryer). I went over to take the leash from my mom so she could go inside the house since it was starting to get dark and cold outside. When the dog realized that the person connected to the leash was not my mom, it freaked out. It started to pull away from me and squirm. She had on a harness but somehow the dog was managing to free itself from the harness. I realized that the dog was escaping and tried to pull it in and move closer to grab it when it squirmed free. I almost had her but then she was out of the harness and on the loose. I asked my mom to come get the dog when it bolted for the neighboring town houses that were across the four empty lots by the house (the subdivision we are in is still “under construction”)`. I went inside to grab a flashlight and headed back out in the direction I last saw the dog. Warren headed out with me and everyone began to pour out of the house to find Lilly. I saw it in the distance heading behind a house and told Warren to run down the street and cut across the last house to see if he could cut off the escape route (it’s a classic pincer movement Patton used so I figured it would work on a little dog as well). So we’re all running around trying to find this small dog that could run pretty darned fast when she wanted to. We’ve got the cars out with headlights beaming into fields around the house hoping to see where she might have gone. The neighbors are coming outside their houses and we tell them we’re looking for a lost dog. [Editor’s note: Deep down, most people are pretty good about things like this. If you are just running through their yards, you get shot but if you tell them that you’ve lost your dog…they cut you a lot of slack and let you do whatever you need to do. One of my neighbors gave me one of those “deer spotter” spotlights to help find the dog. I gave it back because I wasn’t trying to prevent a ship from crashing against the rocks or send a beacon into space, I was just trying to find a small dog and it was overkill. Still, it was extremely nice for someone we didn’t know to allow us to use their stuff, even for a short time.]
We spent about 30 minutes running around, checking behind houses, walking through the thorn bushes and trying to avoid the electric fence that separates us from the cows when we finally made the tough decision to call off the search for a little while. With all the noise and a skittish dog, we were just as likely to chase her away as lure her closer so perhaps it was better to hunker down. We compared notes and essentially, no one had any idea where the dog went (I heard rustling this way, there are dogs barking over there…). I thought the dog had headed out to the cow pastures behind the house and was probably long gone (as long as she didn’t touch the electric fence). There was little we could do except to hope that someone found her and when they took her to the vet, the microchip that was implanted in the dog would tell them who she belonged to. Of course, New Year’s Eve was a pretty chilly evening and as you know, a Chihuahua isn’t exactly a small version of a Siberian Husky. We went inside and ate the moderately warm food (it was ready on time but the excitement of the dog’s departure pushed dinnertime back a little and tried to figure out what to do next.

We talked about the dog and what we could do but since the dog didn’t really approach anyone except my mom, it seemed destined to be a story with a not so happy ending (unless you like frozen dog, on a stick!). Mom went back out with my nephew and headed up the street in search of the dog. I went upstairs to look out the back window from the second floor to see what I could see around the house. From the other side of the house (the opposite direction where she took off running), around the neighbor’s fence comes this small animal just at the very corner of our lot and barely in the illumination of the floodlight. I thought I was seeing things but it was the dog, Lilly. She was moving just like a deer, the ears were perked up and she was looking all around and moving very cautiously. Then, BAM! She took off again back in the direction from which she had come. I ran downstairs (away in an instant, I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash…) and told everyone I had just seen her but she took off. It turns out that Warren was just stepping out on the back deck when he saw the dog and off it went. We called my nephew and told him to come back to the house (with my mom). So, there was some glimmer of hope as the dog made its way back to the house but the problem was still, how could we catch it since it never came close to anyone and it was so fast.

For the rest of the night, the kids tried to make it fun but there was the hanging cloud of “what would happen to the dog” lingering over our heads. My mom moved the chair next to the back door and was staring into the back yard hoping the dog would come back. We put some ham on a plate and moved her bed outside just to see what would happen. Every once in a while my mom would go outside and call the dog’s name. My dad and I went outside and did our best stealth moves to watch for the dog and see if we could catch her. We were about 15 feet apart, I was by the house and he was in the lot next to the house where we had seen her go back and forth before. I carried a piece of ham to try and lure the dog to me. We could see her, just outside of the lighted area and she would walk slowly up the divide between the lots and then, she would stop and look directly at my father and turn around and go back. We would move slowly towards each other hoping to close the trap when she was within reach. One time, she came within 4-5 feet of my dad and they just kind of stared at each other when she turned again and took off. We turned on the car and had my Mom call for the dog but she would not walk between us. It was looking like she was going to make life difficult on us since she was like a mirage. She was there and then, she was gone again. We went back inside and I continued to watch for the dog out of the window but I didn’t see the dog for a while and figured that the dog was determined to spend the night outside.

At around 10:30, my mom went back outside by herself and went to the edge of the field and called the dog. She carried a piece of ham to help. By this time, the dog had to be very cold and probably tired from all of the running around. I watched from the bedroom as the dog appeared and slowly moved towards her. She would inch closer and my mom didn’t move except to hold out the piece of ham. It was a slow process as the dog would lean forward to get a sniff or try to take a bite of the ham and my mom would pull it closer to her. The tension built as this continued for several minutes and the dog came closer and closer. Finally, the dog was close enough and my mom reached down and grabbed the dog and brought it inside to everyone’s relief. The dog was very cold and my mom wrapped it in a blanket to warm it up. I have to believe that Lilly was as happy to get caught as my mom was relieved to have the dog back. Like I said, it had only been two weeks but it doesn’t take that long for a dog to become part of the family.

It was a good thing because I don’t believe the dog would have survived the night outside. In my mind, I already knew I couldn’t tell my mom that we peeled the dog’s body from the grass in the morning. I was already planning the “little white lies” to keep the legend of Lilly alive.

Mom: Did you find the dog yet?
Me: No, but I have seen her around the neighborhood and the food I put out is gone so I think she is eating. The neighbors have seen her as well and think it will just be a matter of time before she’ll be caught.
Mom: Okay, you let me know when you’ve found her.
Me: No problem, don’t worry I am sure she’ll come around eventually. [Hang up the phone] Now kids, you don’t tell your grandmother that we buried the dog next to the electric fence this morning. If she asks, you tell her you almost caught the dog. Warren, you tell her you tripped over your big feet and Jacob, you tell her that you were playing the Xbox Live and heard your brother tell the story that he almost caught the dog. Don’t worry, we’ll only have to tell this story until she either stops asking or they get another dog (after all, it’s not a lie if you believe it right? But deep down I knew that one of them would crack under cross-examination so I had to prepare the next lie to cover for the first lie. No, I didn’t bury the Lilly, it was a small deer.).

So it didn’t take us waiting up until midnight to have the excitement of the ball drop. For us, it was the dog pickup that made News Year’s Eve worth celebrating

The Dating Game

In order to keep in touch while we were away on our Chinese odyssey, we used Skype to communicate with friends and family in the US. In China, they have their own Skype type program (of course, they copy everything don’t they?) that they use to communicate with their friends and family, it’s called QQ. It took me awhile to figure out that when they would say “qq” that it was simply two “q’s” (it couldn’t be that simple could it!?!). I would ask them to repeat it and I would be thinking to myself, “How would you spell that?” but then they wrote it down for me (stupid foreigner!) and I could see that it was indeed much simpler than I thought. When I first looked up QQ, I found that it was all in Chinese (duh!) so there would be little use for me to get it but I continued to research and found that there is a QQ International version. So, before I left China, I got myself setup with a QQ Account (you get a 10-digit number for an account name, ask me today and there’s no way I can tell you what my ID number is…maybe the folks from “anonymous” can help me out?). I checked it out and everything worked out without too much fuss. The people at work thought it was funny when they got a QQ message from me testing the system on my computer. Now QQ will not only work for chatting, it also is an e-mail service, it has a game center, personals, and much more (under the watchful eye of the “protectors”, like loving parents to ensure that you are not taken in by those bad influences). Another interesting thing about QQ; in the profile section you can include information like Date of Birth, Gender, Zodiac Sign and Horoscope Sign (Chinese Zodiac) and of course, the ever crucial Blood Type. Yes folks, that’s blood type! Now I don’t know exactly what they would want this information for but if you want to, you can tell everyone that you are O Positive (perhaps the Twilight/Vampire fans understand this?). There is also a second page where you can include more details about yourself (occupation, phone number, # of BMs per day, and so on) if you want to fill in that information. I guess it could be considered a way to encourage people to contact (or not contact) you.

Since I have left China, I have been in communication with my friends still in China through QQ. Every week, I’ll hear from them and find out what they are doing and so forth. It’s pretty interesting to know how things are going for them and just to keep in contact. Without the aid of QQ, I don’t know that I would ever hear from them (or them from me, after all writing a letter is so 70’s). Since QQ is also a mobile app, most have it on their phones and check it regularly (not so in the US, I think there is a QQ App for the iPhone but not for other systems yet). Just like Skype, you can do a video chat using QQ but I know the first time I tried it; there was no sound (3 minute delay while we “improve” the signal). Anyhow, it has turned out to be a nice thing to have in order to keep in touch (just like Skype).

For those with Skype, you know that every once in a while; you’ll get someone who is trolling for contacts. So-and-so wants to add you to his contact list. You’ll look at it and say “Sweetcheeks32, now who is that?” and typically block them and move on (unless you know who the person is on the other end). Sometimes the message, name or profile will try to be alluring in order to gain your attention but it’s not really all that tempting (after all, do you really think she looks like the picture?). This same thing happens with the blog, “people” will post strange comments to try and lure you in (for nefarious purposes) but we delete those comments and move on. Well, I am finding the same is true for QQ. Since I’ve been back in the US, I get 2-3 contact requests every other day (obviously good things are being said about me, I mean if I wasn’t me; I would want to get to know me too.). The funny thing is that every once in a while, there will be something written like you see in the attached image under the Description section.

Helen is looking for a good husband and good daddy for her son (could you please define “good” for me?). What that means could be anyone’s guess but I would assume that Helen is looking for a Sugar Daddy since she has asked for a contact outside of China (if you want to search contacts in QQ, you can do it by Country, State and City and get a complete list of everyone that meets the criteria. You can’t search by name, rather by QQ ID, that 10-digit number I mentioned earlier). She is willing to do whatever it takes to improve her situation, or so it would appear. Our experience in China indicates that some Chinese women will be with much, much older men and so we know how it works (perhaps I am a cynic…just maybe, but I don’t think that this is a May-December romance, it’s a May-December convenience where she spends her time coming up with new, inventive ways of switching his Viagra pills with Ambien and waiting for him to die and leave her all of his money. Picture an I Love Lucy skit played by a Chinese Lucy. “You got some ‘splaining to do” ). We’ve seen these older men with their young wives out at dinner with their child (allegedly) and her parents. The parents are happy to have the grandchild but couldn’t care less about this old fart except when the bill comes along. [Editor’s note, this was something we heard more than once is that when you take a Chinese wife, very often you will also be taking on her parents as well. They may not show up on the honeymoon but the Chinese Frank and Marie Baron are coming to live with you!]. Anyhow, Helen could be a very nice lady who is in a bad situation but think about it…would you actually write this so it can be seen by anyone and everyone? Again, it’s the difference in cultures. The Chinese tend to be a little more blunt or perhaps it could be said that they don’t see the need to filter what they say in many settings. Now it could also be due to the language thing where they use a word that is technically correct but is deemed to be too “harsh” in English. So, they may not even realize that the words or phrases could be seen as insulting (if they say you are fat, guess what….you probably are fat, at least by their standards) or at least very odd to a Westerner. (As an example, a waitress at one place we went to would use a phrase that we were definitely not used to hearing. She would bring the drinks and we would say “Thank you”. Her response “It’s my honor.” Now it was nice to hear but a very strange use of the phrase.)

Now just because I know that you are enthralled by my writing (or you are bored and have nothing better to do), I’ll take this a step further because it seems very strange to me to see a Chinese woman basically throwing out a line for a husband. The female-to-male ratio in China strongly favors the women (and hence it would stand to reason that it should be relatively easy to find a new companion for this woman). I should take a moment to explain that in China a male child, although desired to carry on the family name, is a significant financial burden on the family (I think this is true in all cultures, no such thing as a free kid). Many times I have heard it said that having a daughter means that you can have a better life. Why? It’s because of the traditional expectations for the family of the male child. The family must provide the male child with a place to live after he leaves the house, a car, an education, pay for his wedding and on and on the list goes. In other words, the family of the boy is expected to provide for him whatever the cost. The expectation is that later in life that they will be able to live with him (and his family) when they can no longer take care of themselves (or that is what they hope). The same monetary dynamic is not true for the family with a female child. Since the family of a female child does not have to save cash throughout her life, they can afford to do more things and buy more things. We’ve all heard the stories of the things that are done to ensure a male child in China (stuff that I will not repeat here) but with the number of females in the country, it would appear that attitudes are changing towards having a daughter. This also has major repercussions on dating in the country. The men are in constant competition to find a woman. We watched a show while in China on the dating scene in Shanghai for men and it was not a pretty picture. Not only did men have to compete with other Chinese men for a woman’s attention (and by competing, it was not always about the look, in many cases it was about the size of their…..wallet [what did you think I was going to say pervert]) but they were also in competition with any foreigners living in China. [Editor’s note: This is very similar around Asia; older Western males would go to these countries looking for a younger woman to take as their wife (or nursemaid). It got to the point where the Cambodian government had to issue a law that prevented foreigners over the age of 50 from being married to Cambodian women. There is also a second part to this law that requires the foreigner to have a monthly income of over $2,500 in order to marry a local woman (can you say pre-nup?) I wonder what the local women would get in a divorce settlement…but I digress.] So, problem #1 is the competition. I guess it would be like going to a high school where there were 50 girls and 85 guys and finding a date to the prom. The girls may first want to know who is renting a limo, the size of the limo, where they are going to eat, etc. before making the final decision on whose invitation they would accept. So the “best” guys are taken quickly and the women either choose to accept the 2nd and 3rd tier guys or they don’t go. Either way for the guys, many are going to be left out no matter what they have to offer.

If the guys were really serious about finding someone, they would go on a dating show (I don’t remember the name of it but each Province had their own version of this show). The dating shows on TV would have women judge the man as he was whisked along in front of the audience on a moving sidewalk and given the third degree by the ladies on the panel. It didn’t take much time for these ladies (imagine a panel of American Idol judges but they are a Chinese female version of Simon Cowell with PMS) to be picking the bones from the carcass as the man was given the thumbs down and off he went into oblivion (and typically it came down to the prospects for the man. What did he do for work? How much did he earn? Did he own an apartment? Did he have a car? Did he have a future? The show is called “If you are the one”. One Beijing woman (Ma Nuo) became famous in China for the phrase “I would rather be crying inside a BMW than laughing on your bicycle”. Some hated this woman because she was nothing but a greedy bi-atch but her remarks seemed to reflect the thoughts of many women in these larger cities in China). Combine this with a “one child policy” where each daughter is treated like a princess and you are in for a generation of women with high expectations that no man can meet (except “the Donald”). Not all Chinese women are like this but in the big cities where the money is, that’s where the problem is especially big for the men.

So how did I get here from QQ, I guess for me it’s easy to draw a line between what I see on QQ and what I saw when I was in China. In the US, we call people with 1 car, and only 1 big screen TV below the poverty level but in China (and other Asian countries), when they say “poor”, they mean P-O-O-R. Some will do just about anything to escape the poverty or to try and make their children’s lives better than their own. This is why there is such a competition for schools, jobs, husbands, etc. Helen is just following a path blazed for her by others; find someone who can meet your financial needs and roll the dice.

Merry Christmas (there, I said it)

It’s time for a soapbox moment (be very afraid). It’s coming up on December 25th again, the time of the year that we call Christmas. However, in an absolute stroke of cowardice many are afraid to offend anyone and therefore we can’t say Merry Christmas anymore. The mere mention of Christmas sends the PC police into a panic as the ACLU marches in (in their brown shirts) to ensure that no one is “left out”. The new definition of diversity means that traditional values are no longer traditional and anyone that is more “enlightened” can dictate how we should bend to the will of the few. Santa….he’s a religious symbol (after all he is called [gasp] Saint Nick isn’t he?). The Christmas tree…it’s now a “holiday tree” (of course you ask yourself “What holiday is it?” In schools it called the Winter Holiday which just happens to coincide with Christmas.). Being from Maine, it’s an absolute embarrassment that their Governor refers to the decorated pine tree as a holiday tree. Isn’t it bad enough that Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe represent the State as RINOs, now we have the Governors going all PC on us (can’t forget about Rhode Island). I guess we are to forget that a decorated pine tree is in fact, a Christmas tree (sorry to disappoint). If they want to create this “holiday tree” I don’t understand why they just can’t use something like a pecan tree (get it…a nut tree), after all if we are to do away with traditions, why not start from scratch (another Festivus miracle!). Not only that but find a new date that doesn’t already have meaning to others.

What is most interesting to us is that in China, people say “Merry Christmas” (and they are not arrested on the spot, no beating with rubber hoses, no stonings, no one correcting them and indicating it’s the winter holiday.). Consider that for a moment. In a country where there is a very small number of Christians (and the Chinese Christians in China go to State-approved churches that are monitored very closely to ensure there is no risk to the State from those attending the services), the stores put up decorations for the Christmas holiday and you see images of Santa all over (in some cases, the Christmas decorations are up for the entire year but that’s a different post). When they see a Westerner this time of year, they will say “Merry Christmas”, not with a sneer, not with a laugh but with a smile…“Merry Christmas”. Just to be sure the point is crystal clear, in a communist nation where the government rules with an iron fist, it’s “Merry Christmas”. In Thailand, where the majority of people are Buddhist, they say “Merry Christmas” (and we know this because we were in Thailand on the beach this time last year….best vacation ever!). So, once again, even where the religious beliefs do not follow the Christian doctrine, they respect the belief enough to say “Merry Christmas”. In the land of the “free and the brave”, we say “Happy Holidays” and hold out hope that we haven’t offended anyone.

Now I am not the most religious person, my faith is a personal thing and I don’t tend to openly discuss it just because I can. People can choose to believe as they see fit, that’s why people are given free choice. It just makes me wonder where Christmas will be by the end of my lifetime. I will continue to say “Merry Christmas” and if you are offended….tough luck (and to all a good night).

Fried over the Fryer

There are a lot of things we missed while we were in China; one of the biggest was the Thanksgiving holiday. The first year in Suzhou, we went to the dinner at the school (yummy, cafeteria turkey) but the second year we did nothing special for the holiday. Before leaving the US, Thanksgiving was the time where I would get out the turkey fryer and deep fry a turkey. This is one of the “Southern traditions” that we adopted since moving to the South. We had never done this before moving to Georgia and once we tried it, we never went back to cooking the bird in the oven. We tried many different injections and marinades for the turkey but settled on Alton Brown’s brining of the turkey. This is by far the best method we have found to cook a turkey using the deep fryer. We have a “special” relationship with Alton Brown since Tammy and Jacob went to the taping of his turkey special where Jacob made the famous statement “Hey, you know you forgot the stuffing?”. [Editor’s note: Jacob is currently writing his memoirs about his rise to fame and his desire to remain grounded as a middle class kid rather than seek stardom at an early age. What a trooper!]
Anyhow, the turkey fryer we had was old and was damaged to some extent by someone hitting it with the car (I wonder who would do such a thing….I think it was those PETA people). It had some rust (which is not good eats) and before heading to China, the decision was made to “retire” the fryer since it would probably not make the 2 years in storage and still be in useable condition when we came back. With Tammy’s new job at Target (who says there aren't jobs available? She got the job in less than 3 days. Granted it’s not a full time job for $15/hour but a job is a job.), we decided to head out to Target to get a new fryer. We picked up a nice fryer and 6 gallons of no cholesterol frying oil (no cholesterol?!?!) as we prepare for the deep-fried turkey for Thursday. I get it home and start to assemble the fryer to ensure everything works. There’s nothing worse than finding out it is broken while we have turkeys waiting for the 30+ minute soak in the heated, amber whirlpool.
Imagine my surprise when I see pieces that make little sense to me as I pull out the components and start the process. “What’s this thingy? A timer?!?! Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!!! There’s a thermocouple and a timer tied in to the propane gas nozzle. Why? So that a stupid person doesn’t leave the deep fryer unattended for more than 15 minutes. If you do not consistently reset the timer, it will shut off the gas which stops the cooking process. “Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!” This is going a little too far isn’t it? I mean c’mon people. Are we that pathetic that we need the manufacturers to include these things to prevent us from potentially cooking something without being right next to the fryer. Isn’t the purpose of frying a turkey to actually cook it with heat? Now, because some ambulance chasing attorneys have probably made $$$ from these companies, they have tried to prevent people from doing something that could be an issue. Isn’t this America? You mean to tell me that I can’t walk away for more than 15 minutes…..is that right?!?! Granted, I would always remain near the fryer when it was operating (unless I was taking the first turkey out of the fryer and carrying it into the house) so I am responsible when operating the fryer. Just because someone chooses to be irresponsible, does this mean I have to pay the price? What if I am out there for 14 minutes and need to go into the house to check on something, the timer goes off and the fryer turns off by itself. Now I head back out after being in the house for less than 3 minutes and my oil has lost temp and now my turkey is in danger of not being cooked. Now I risk salmonella because some damned fool probably burned his house down or burned himself with a turkey fryer.
All of this for what reason? Think about it for a moment. If you have a gas stove, you could turn on the burner and walk away, blissfully “unaware” that you left the burner on. (I know, I know, no timer….sounds like crazy talk!!!) How is it possible that they overlooked this possibility and didn’t install a timer? Why not on the oven as well? It should shut off after 15 minutes right? Sure, I can’t cook anything unless I can be right there all of the time to reset the timer but that’s the price you pay for safety? Sure the lasagna tastes like crap because the cheese isn’t melted but isn’t it worth the “inconvenience”? I wonder how this could have been overlooked by Maytag, Whirlpool and all of these other companies. Maybe it’s because stoves have been like this for generations and people understand the risks. Folks, you can’t fix stupid. You can try to educate but it’s really up to people if they decide to listen. As long as people can only hurt themselves, then let Darwin’s law take over. Watch an episode of World’s Dumbest and you’ll begin to understand the problem. Adding safety features is okay but let’s not do it at the expense of the actual use of the product. Why not add a timer to cruise control, reset the timer every 15 minutes to ensure the driver remains awake. The fact is that people can use products for many reasons that are not included in the operator’s manual. You can’t stop people from doing stupid things no matter what you do so accept it. Change the legal system to a “loser pays” system and you’ll eliminate all of the stupid lawsuits (like the recent “roaches on a plane” saga where passengers are suing for nearly $1 million because of emotional distress caused by bugs allegedly coming out of the vents…..Oh the humanity!). Start taking away the license to practice from all of the ambulance chasers and things may settle back down. I guess I shouldn’t complain but it’s in my nature. Making things safer is a good thing but people have to be responsible, bottom line, and there’s no switch they can make that ensures this will happen.

The Magic Bus

When we lived in GA, the kids were driven to the school by Tammy and did not have to take the bus for many years. When we moved to China, the boys had to take the bus to school. Now we all think of school buses as the yellow & black buses with the green, hard-as-a-rock bench seating. This is the type of bus that most of us were accustomed to riding from our youth. It’s amazing that since we were kids, there have been all kinds of improvements in auto technology but the buses did not seem to change as much through the years.

In China, the SSIS (Suzhou-Singapore International School) buses were the Greyhound style tour bus. They had comfortable individual seating for two people per row, per side and seatbelts were available at every seat. It was like the kids were superstars and got chauffeured to school rather than taken to school. I do not know that I ever saw a school bus that resembled the ones in the US, even for the Chinese schools. So the kids became accustomed to their grand mode of transportation to and from school. The drivers were obviously Chinese (what would you expect, Brits named Cadbury?) and seemed to enjoy driving the buses like they were small sports cars that could change lanes in an instant. They drove extremely fast and like any other Chinese driver seemed to think they were the only ones on the road. We didn’t just hear this from the kids, we learned this whenever we went to school and took the bus (when big things happened at the school, like International Family Day, they would setup a bus schedule to pick up families at various points around the city to transport them to the school). I also saw the buses zoom down the highway at high rates of speed when school ended for the day like some kind of restart of a NASCAR race (perhaps they also had nicknames like Smoke). There was one other thing that was different on the bus and that is the presence of an adult female (referred to as the Aiyee) who would monitor the kids getting on and off the bus and converse with the driver. The Aiyee was in charge of keeping the kids under control (if that’s possible) and also would from time to time seemingly berate the bus driver for driving too fast (or whatever, they spoke the local dialect so the kids said that she was dogging the driver but the Chinese tended to speak very loudly so who really knows?).

After two years of becoming accustomed to these coach buses for transportation, the kids return to the US and have to pull back their expectations to ride on the standard US school bus. There was no way that they would be driven to and from school since when we returned back home, we had one car. We’ve noticed that the buses are rarely on schedule and the drivers seem to change fairly frequently. However, this week we had the reality check which reminded us that we we’re not in China anymore. On Jacob’s bus, they had a substitute driver. On the way home, the kids were pretty noisy (shocking, isn’t it?) and the bus driver was giving the kids the “evil eye” in the mirror as she tried to settle down the bus so she could concentrate on driving. Keep in mind; this is a Middle School bus. One of the kids (a disrespectful punk kid) decided to be the smart guy and said loudly to the bus driver “Suck my _____!” (I think you can guess which appendage filled in the blank here). This is when it all went downhill for everyone on the bus. The bus driver stopped the bus and got up from her seat, went back and yelled at the students with some colorful language. Jacob told the story at dinner that the bus driver used the “D” and “F” word as she yelled at the students. Then she turned the bus around and took the kids back to the old Woodmont High School where two police cars were waiting on the bus. The driver got off and spoke to one officer while the other officer got on the bus to talk to the students. Jacob texted Tammy to indicate that they would be home late because the bus turned around (and more information would follow). It was an interesting story to me, as I asked Jacob if he knew the boy that made the statement. He said he did not but I told him that if he ever made such a statement to an adult that he would be punished beyond anything he could imagine.

Now, I do not condone the driver’s actions but in some respect I understand it. The driver was shown total disrespect by a student and allowed her emotions to overrule the situation. However, the student is the problem and should be punished! The driver must also face some kind of discipline for the use of the foul language as well since she is the adult.

It turned out that there was a story on the local news about the situation and the following night, we received a note from the school and found out that the bus driver was fired. One child captured the tirade on his camera phone and once the school saw it, it was all over for the bus driver. Here’s the link to the video, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cx46ciWRFsk
Now I don’t fault the school for their action but I also would like to know what they are doing to find the student that sparked this problem. This child needs to learn that being disrespectful has consequences. Unfortunately, this child will probably escape punishment which will re-enforce the notion that he can continue this behavior. It’s very sad to know that a child has been brought up to be like this but it seems to be part of the world now. Many parents do not hold their kids accountable and defend their child regardless of the behavior. “My Johnny would never do that!” This goes to kids of all ages. The other week we were at the school for a concert and a young woman was sitting several rows behind us with her younger friends and decided that being quiet and respectful for the band was not something she could do. Tammy turned around and gave her the “Shhhh. Seriously, you are an adult.” Now, a well-mannered person would perhaps sulk and fume over this but they would shut up. Instead, she continued to make “smart” comments about being told to be quiet. Rather than realize that people were there to hear the band she had to show her high school friends that she was better than us and she just refused to accept that she was wrong. She left at the next intermission but she had to make the grand exit by acting like a spoiled three year old. I kept thinking that her parents probably think she hung the moon. It’s a shame when parents are not parents and this is the result. She’ll eventually get a clue when she finds out that things are not handed to her and then she’ll become disgruntled and blame everyone else for her failings rather than herself. Anyhow, I have strayed from the subject which was the difference in the school bus situation.

The one other thing that is different is the way that the kids talk to adults. It’s one thing to “smart off” to your parents but to an adult you don’t know? That’s completely different. The kids at SSIS were kids but seemed to have respect for adults. Back in the US, kids seem to have the sense of entitlement which allows them to say what they want (or so they think). This is a generalization since not all kids are like that but it seems that this number continues to grow (calling Occupy Wall Street!). We saw many spoiled children in China so this problem that we have encountered is going to be a problem there and bite them in the butt even worse due to the One Child Policy. My only advice to parents….be a parent!

Party Time

This is an old story but hasn’t been revealed so I will go ahead and post this as I try and backfill the days leading up to the departure from China. We left China with mixed emotions because we enjoyed being there but we also looked forward to being closer to family and becoming part of the “collective” back in the US. For the last several months, we ran the full pendulum of emotions regarding our departure ranging from wanting to just to leave today and get it over with to more of an introspective, subdued mood where we would like to continue to experience life in Suzhou. Either way, regardless of the personal feelings, we were heading back.

The Sunday of my last week, a party was held in my honor (or it could be interpreted as a party to celebrate the departure of the skinny Laiwai “free at last, free at last” but I choose to believe the first option) to celebrate my time in Suzhou. It was held with my Chinese colleagues and friends at work. Obviously, we couldn’t go to Chucky Cheese or Outback Steakhouse so we went to a Chinese restaurant (Bei Men) for the dinner. I had no idea what to expect for the party and although I knew that many people were invited I had no idea how many would actually show up for the meal (although free food usually gets people to show up, regardless of where you live or if they like you or not. Free food AND drinks! Just tell me where and when…the why isn’t so important). When I arrived at the restaurant and was taken to the room where the party was being held I was very surprised to see that 25 people were there (perhaps the food was too good to pass up, sure they have to put up with me but those dumplings are to die for). The room had three large tables with the obligatory lazy susan in the middle of each table. The tables were arranged in a triangle of which I had to sit at the table that was located at the top of the triangle but I also had to sit on top of the triangle, it’s the seat of honor. It was a little unnerving because I’m not much for being the center of attention (sounds strange from a guy that writes about himself in a blog doesn’t it. I’m tired of writing about me, now you write about me for awhile.) but I had little choice. The food was being ordered and I had a quick look at the menu and chose the donkey “skillet”, everything else was chosen by others. I didn’t know what it was but I would have to eat something so hold your nose and pass the plate (let’s get another beer over here kuai yi dian).

Until the food arrived, there was some small talk at the table and a discussion about drinking and driving in China. The penalty for drunk driving in China is 6 months in prison and the loss of your license for 5 years. Now this may seem a bit harsh but the Chinese legal system is pretty darned efficient as a deterrent. Imagine that, caught drinking and driving and you go to prison; do not pass Go, do not collect $200. I think that if this was an automatic sentence in the US, perhaps the number of drunk drivers would diminish. Sure, the prison population might increase when the law takes effect but over time as people realize that you can’t get Johnny Cockroach, attorney at law, to get you off, they would stop. Keep in mind, that’s the first offense…imagine what getting caught a second time gets you. Anyhow, it was interesting to hear about the laws and I also know the German laws for this crime are also pretty harsh (of course in the US, we don’t want to use the word “crime”, we should say that the legalities for the disease are more humane (cough, cough, bull___!). What’s the legal limit in China, 0.08 just like many States in the US. [Editors note: It should also be pointed out that corruption is punishable by death in China. Imagine that! Again, laws should be upheld and the punishment needs to deter future law breakers. Martha Stewart would have made her last prison cell redecorating theme and we’d be rid of her, “you should go out with flair”] There were a few toasts to me early on with just small drinks of the beer as we waited on the food; however things were going to change very soon (as I would find out).

When the food does arrive, they spin it around to be in front of me first (Wheel of Green Stuff, Brown Stuff and other stuff). They wait for me to take some and this still isn’t good enough. I look at it, ask what it is and then put some on my plate but they all watch me and wait. I have to start to eat what I have gotten before anyone else begins to eat. It was a little (a lot) awkward as they sat and watched me but I eventually got the message and grabbed something and stuffed it in my mouth. There were peanuts, sweet lotus root stuffed with rice, cold pumpkin chunks (they ate the whole thing, skin and all…think about all of the “food” we waste at Halloween), a green pile of stuff which was crunchy but I had no idea what it was and many other things, some good and others….not so much.

While the appetizers were being eaten, the people at my table would fill their glass (maybe 6-8 oz) with beer and then fill my glass and offer a “toast”. They never said anything but expected me to drink the full glass with them. O-K-A-Y! This is going to get interesting. They would clap and laugh when I would down my beer and I would grumble something, which made them laugh even more. [In the interest of full disclosure, before I went to the party, Tammy and I went to the Blue Marlin to have a quick beer so I could prepare for the party. I had a .5 liter glass of Erdinger (German beer….excellent, now that is something I really miss) which at the time seemed to be a good idea. Now….not so much.] Even the women were getting into the act. Now they didn’t want the cold beer, they wanted warm beer. I am not sure why but for some reason, they seemed to prefer that. They started doing the drinking with me. First Vicky, then Amy, then Coris (and her 44 kg weight). In very short order, they were determining if I could hang with the big pandas. I was starting to worry as I would need something in my stomach to keep my head about me…seconds from disaster. Then the main courses started to arrive….whew! Disaster averted.

They pretty much left me in peace while I was eating but shortly thereafter, here they come. Individually or in small groups they came around to toast me and drink with me. Everyone had to have a drink with me, didn’t matter who it was or anything, they had to share a drink with me. To make it worse, some weren’t satisfied with just one glass of beer. As soon as that was done, it was refill it and drink again! Aiya! I had thought that this might happen but I really wasn’t prepared as they continued to drink with me. It wasn’t so much the beer, it was the carbonation. After 6 straight glasses of beer being downed in less than 10 seconds, my stomach was about to explode without some serious belching to get rid of the gas buildup. It was about this time that I brought out my camera for photos to see if I could slow the onslaught. The girls took the camera and started to look through the pictures that were still on the camera that included my wife’s “backpacking” adventures in Cambodia (and I am sure that some of those photos made an impression) and then some of Tammy riding one of the brooms in the basement of the apartment complex, “Why is your wife riding a broom?” That one I am sure they didn't get. How do you explain some of the photos….I just didn’t. I just said, “my wife is mentally handicapped, after all she married me.” [Tammy and the boys got a kick out of this story when they looked through the photos and realized the some of the photos probably did leave an impression as they noted the many photos of my wife and her Canadian companions seemed to always include some kind of beverage] Then, the photos started being taken with the groups and me. I went around to each table and took photos with individuals and groups to have more pictures to remember the people that I had come to view as my Chinese family.

The food was pretty darned good but they don’t really eat much meat, more veggies than anything else. It was odd but it meant more donkey for me so I wasn’t complaining. It wasn’t long before they started to bring out the watermelon and fruit plates; which is the typical ending for a meal. When that comes out, it is a signal that your time is up….now get out! We talked a little more and then it was time to wrap up the party and head home. There were some tears (of joy?) shed as it became reality that I was actually leaving. Some had known for months about my upcoming departure but did not believe that it would truly happen. Lina, the only remaining person we had from the initial group of 4 people that were hired to work in the plant. Vicky and Dragon; graduates of a local textile school that were part of the second wave of people hired. Amy, she was in the third group of operators that we hired, she was one of the oldest workers at 32 but she was also one of the best workers we had. Coris, one of our CIT Engineers that I had worked closely with as she worked to achieve her Green Belt. Tony, a Design Engineer that I had been training. Tony seemed to understand the “Western way” and was very quick to take on a task by himself. He wasn’t as hesitant to step out and do a job. His English was excellent and he was a teacher for me about different cultural differences between the US and China. [He previously worked for a Tawainese company before and was surprised to see the “lazy Americans” working with the people to get things done. We got our hands dirty and he didn’t see this at his previous company and had not expected to see it from a Western company. In the Taiwanese company, hierarchy was everything. The office staff ate in a separate lunch room and didn’t associate with the workers except to give them demands. So the American way of working was a surprise and made him believe he had chosen the right company.] Tom, Jackie, Hanbo and John; the four Supervisors that took a lot of grief from me since I had to express myself to them and they would translate for me to the workers. I know they didn’t always translate it exactly how I said it but they said what needed to be said…I think (if nothing else the workers knew how I felt by my reactions to certain situations). Jerry and Leo, the plant engineers that helped me communicate with vendors and contractors. They had a big job and put up with my rants about how things needed to be done. So many others Eden, Katrina, Sky, Ho, Ken, Xia Li, Archer, Gao, Laverne and the list goes on.

It was a good chance to spend a little more time with my co-workers away from the office and have the chance to let them know how I felt about them before I left and visa-versa. It was a huge challenge and risk to take this assignment but I made some good friends that I will remain in contact with for years to come.