KFC is the same

TERRIBLE. While Brossie was in town, we headed over to New Times Square to see the mall and stores. We decided to stop for lunch at KFC. Now it had been a long time since I was at a KFC. Tammy and I ate there once while we were in college....once (and for you smart-alexs out there, that IS a long time ago). The "food" (and that's really stretching the definition of that word) was terrible and we have never been back...seriously. I don't usually write-off an eatery after one meal but this was sooo bad that it didn't deserve a second chance. We are talking Northern Maine so perhaps it was an unfair judgement of the company based on one establishment but it my world, I'm the only voice that matters (at least that's what I tell myself when Tammy and the kids aren't around). KFC was banned (much like a certain blog access....ironic, maybe just a bit).

Then comes the phone call from the governor (I'll be back) and so a reprieve was granted for China. KFC is very popular here for reasons that I have yet to fathom but we decided to give it a try. Let's bury the hatchet and move on. Well, I ordered the chicken sandwich, fries and a coke. The food looks okay but then it's time to eat. Something doesn't seem quite right with the sandwich. A closer look indicates the sandwich is nearly all dark meat and gristly fatty tissue. I'm not kidding, no white meat anywhere in the chicken, meaning no chicken breast. Who eats like that!?! I guess the Chinese do. Perhaps it was just my sandwich but I don't think so. I think that perhaps the Chinese are so used to using all parts of the animals that to them this would be just another thing to eat...no problem. I don't want to generalize about this and be wrong but it just might be that all white meat may not be as appealing to the Chinese. Stranger food choices are out there and from what I have seen at work for chicken, I believe this to be true. When chicken is served, it's never just a chicken breast, it's a chicken leg, chicken pieces on a stick with bones in between the small bits of chicken and it's chicken "nuggets" (not 100% white meat AND watch out, bones are included for no extra charge, yum-yum!). Whatever the reason, the sandwich was awful, no research required to make that statement.

The menu was also different than expected, no original recipe, no extra cripsy, no rack of chicken parts waiting to be dumped into a bucket to take home from thw working mom who doesn't have time to cook (and the family is so excited, YAY!!!! KFC!...man I really did watch a lot of tv). From what I could read (and by read I mean interpret from the pictures, honestly I read the magazine for the articles) it was all sandwich or legs and no huge pieces of chicken. Again, no chicken breast selection just thigh and leg meat. I know that some prefer dark meat from a turkey (once you go....nevermind, you know where that is going no need to take that any further) but from a chicken. Now that is something new.

Anyhow, sometimes knowing that there are some things that are the same between the US and China makes the distance seem less than it really is (not really but I needed to try and have something profound here....not very successful). I know that KFC will suffer after this scathing, critical review of their establishment at New Times Square in Suzhou. Perhaps I'll get a coupon for a free sandwich (can't we all just get along). However, as you know by now....there's no such thing as a free sandwich.

Boat Ride

Thursday in China was Dragonboat Festival. Below is an excerpt of the basics of this holiday (warning: Educational Content). The Dragon Boat Festival is a lunar holiday, occurring on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month. The Chinese Dragon Boat Festival is a significant holiday celebrated in China, and the one with the longest history. The Dragon Boat Festival is celebrated by boat races in the shape of dragons. The boat races during the Dragon Boat Festival are traditional customs to attempts to rescue the patriotic poet Chu Yuan. Chu Yuan drowned on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month in 277 B.C. Chinese citizens now throw bamboo leaves filled with cooked rice into the water. Therefore the fish could eat the rice rather than the hero poet. This later on turned into the custom of eating tzungtzu and rice dumplings. The celebration's is a time for protection from evil and disease for the rest of the year. It is done so by different practices such as hanging healthy herbs on the front door, drinking nutritious concoctions, and displaying portraits of evil's nemesis, Chung Kuei. Just so you know, this isn’t my picture below, I cut and pasted it from the Web and I don’t want to take credit for someone else’s picture.

Back to the blog, and speaking of the blog at this moment my access to the blog is “limited”. For some reason that will probably never be explained, the blog is being blocked and will remain blocked until someone decides to allow access again (it’s not just me, it’s all of the blog sites so it’s not personal, I’m sure if they read my blog they would wonder how a nutcase made it through all the checks to get into the country). If everything else I see and experience here doesn’t let me know I’m in another country; this sure does. YouTube has been blocked for about 3 months and now the blog sites. There’s no use complaining about it but let this be a cautionary tale. When you exchange choices for security, you aren’t always going to be given selections about what you read, hear, say and/or do. Remember that as banks and the auto industry become “subsidized”….what will you hand over next, the medical industry, your retirement (doh!), the schools (whoops!),….? Sorry, off-topic but relevant, it goes under the heading of be careful what you wish for.

Anyhow, we were off from work for the celebration. We went to Auchan (ugh!) to allow Alan the experience (he loved it....NOT!) and then went into a nearby furniture gallery and over to the B&Q store. Some notes on the furniture store, much of the furniture they have here is ridiculous, awful stuff. I don’t know where they get their idea of Western furniture but I think it’s from looking at hotel lobbies from the overpriced, stuffy places where only the elites can go. Uncomfortable stuff to sit around with people named Winthorpe and Buffy and discuss the latest on our shopping trip to Monico (I asked for a Cappuccino and they served me a caffe latte, imagine the nerve of those people, they must have been raised in a barn). They had one decent place there with a very nice Lazy Boy type leather recliner, now that’s what I’m talking about. B&Q is a Home Depot type store but with much less tools and more home stuff (sinks, cooktops, water heaters, etc). We hadn’t been there before so we wanted to see what was inside, the tools were very limited (no axes, sledge hammers, saws, etc.) but we know where to go to buy some hardware stuff if we need it. Afterwards, we walked to Singa Plaza had lunch and then walked over to the lake. We decided to see what was happening at the lake on this holiday, so we walked along and watched the people. It’s always nice to “people watch” here.

We noticed there were speedboats running the lake today and so we went over to check it out. YES!!!! Speed boat ride, 25 RMB, 6 minutes. Not a bad deal, get out on the lake and see the view from a boat. We went to get tickets but the lady didn’t understand us (or perhaps it was the other way around). She was inside the booth and I was pointing to the ride and trying to indicate speed boat with no success (you try and play charades with speed boat and see how you would do it….it’s not easy). She got out of the booth, walked around and looked so we were able to grab 3 tickets on the next boat out the lake (again, the flexibility of the Chinese; in the US it would’ve been tough luck pal….speak the language). We head out to the dock area and are given our orange “life vests”. The man indicates to just tie it near the top (don’t use that pesky zipper thing; it only keeps the darned thing on you if you fall in). I mean this thing is flimsy (the weight limit was probably 20 kg or something) but what am I going to do, I mean if you fall into this water do you really want to survive? One swallow and who knows what’ll happen (somehow I get the image of Alien in my head where a creature grows out from your chest, of course the creature is wearing split pant just to add insult to injury, the last thing you see is some small creature’s butt cheeks). So anyhow, this is where it gets uncomfortable. The boat pulls up and the guy takes us right past a group of Chinese waiting to take the ride and puts us on the boat. We’re getting on the boat wondering, were they waiting for another boat or something? Perhaps the next group was waiting for another boat since there was a 25 and a 35 RMB trip, perhaps they paid 35 RMB for the faster boat? I hope that was the case but it sure feels awkward. There are times where they will push past you at the local market. You will place you items on the counter and they will purposely grab a pack of cigarettes and try to force the cashier to take their business first. I’m not certain why this is but this happens a lot at the local market by the Chateau. I’m certain they do it on purpose, it happens too often to be a coincidence. Usually the cashier will go ahead and ring us up first (since we were there first) and the Chinese person will be jibbering the whole time. These are primarily construction workers so I think they do it as a point of pride or to tell the tales to their co-workers. I just ignore it. Sorry, off on a tangent. Anyhow, we take the ride and it’s very nice, it’s a short ride of maybe 8 minutes but it’s worth it. Just a quick trip around the lake is enough to wet the appetite for more. There are other boat rides around the lake and we’ll have to look into those for the future. For now, it was a nice change to see around the lake without walking around.

Later in the evening, there was a nice fireworks display to celebrate the holiday. I tried to get photos but we were too far off and the night photos are tough to get without a tripod or something to hold the camera steady. You can see the other photos from Thursday using the photo links.

Pearl City

Sunday we headed out to find Pearl City. A little background here (warning: educational material); Suzhou is well known throughout China as the place for Silk and Pearls. Suzhou is in the area that is one of the largest producers of freshwater pearls in the world. People come from all over and purchase pearls and/or silk products in Suzhou due to the quality of those items found here. So, with a few Westerners here that will be heading back home in a few weeks, they all wanted to go see Pearl City. We obtained the name of a vendor there from one of our front office co-workers, Eva. From an expat standpoint, Eva is the person that you cannot do without. I haven’t found anything yet that she cannot help with.

So, we get the Chateau personnel to write up directions to Pearl City and hop into 2 cabs to take the drive. It was expected to be a long drive so we were anticipating around 80 RMB for the cab ride. To our surprise, within 15 minutes the cabs were stopped and we hopped out. Stephan (our French-Canadian co-worker) looked around and says it doesn’t look right. At first glance, it certainly doesn’t look very promising with all kinds of “stuff” out for sale but nothing that evenly remotely looks like pearls or a jewelry area. We suspect we aren’t in the right place but we decide to take a look around anyhow and see what is there. It’s one of those things, it may be wrong but it still looks interesting so let’s take a little bit of time to see what is there. As we walk in, we know for sure it’s not the right spot. The building is a maze of hallways with very small shops all around, each numbered and displaying their wares out for everyone to see. You walk 20 – 30 feet and there’s an intersection where you can turn and go down another hall similarly lined, then another intersection providing 3 more options for where to go and so on. Just about everything was being sold on the first floor, fishing gear, cleaning supplies, toys, shoes, kids stuff, etc. It was very strange, there were stalls that were side-by-side selling the same stuff and seemingly in competition with each other. People stared at us a lot, 6 Westerners walking through the maze just looking at all the stuff. One the 2nd and 3rd floors were clothes and shoes, I believe it was all local brands since I didn’t see any brands I recognized. It was odd because no one ever tried to get us to come in and “looka-looka”, which seems to always happen wherever we go and are near the vendors. In this place, they stared and watched us walk by. Perhaps they knew we were lost or something (although we tried to act like we knew what we were doing). Where we were is called “Small Merchandise City”…..no really. Everything here is city, Electronic City, Furniture City, Bicycle City and so on. It seems if you want to purchase something you can ask them where _____ City is and you stand a 50/50 chance of having them tell you where it is located. It’s very odd but also a punch line for the expats (imagine that, me making a joke of something…..”Hey, do you know where I can find some good coffee? Did you try Coffee City?”).

So we know we’re wrong now but what to do, do we go back to the Chateau and start over, do we try to get there from here (wherever here is), or do we continue to walk around this area (we’re like Star Trek…to boldly go where we have not gone before)? We ask a security guard about getting a cab and he takes us to the “black cabs” which are run by individuals and don’t have any kind of rates or meters. No fap-e-ow (I know the spelling is wrong, this is a pronunciation for the taxi receipt) available. We indicate we need a standard cab and so we head to the street to flag down a taxi. Stephan gets on the phone with Hubba (our contact at Pearl City….note city again) to have him tell the cab driver how to get us to him (but if you don’t know where you are how do you know where you are going?). So we flag down a cab and Alan, Cecelia and Brossie sit in the cab and block traffic while the cabbie talks to Hubba. Horns are honking and they’re not looking real comfortable in the cab but they wait for the conversation to end. In the meantime, Mathieu and I get accosted to get into one of the black cabs. We keep giving them the “No” wave but they continue to bug us. So we flag down a second cab and hop in and wait for the phone conversation to end. Stephan gets his phone back and it’s “follow that cab” while our driver talks to Hubba. We take a drive out into the country and within 15 minutes we arrive at Pearl and Gem City. This time we know it’s right from the signs and stuff outside of the buildings. Hubba is out on the front steps waiting for us to arrive.

We meet Hubba and he takes us into his store and to the back room to watch them open an oyster and collect the freshwater pearls. His father opens the shell and we watch him pull out a bunch of pearls of different quality levels but it’s not one pearl per oyster, that’s only for the sea water pearls. We learn all about pearls, he shows us the different styles, shapes, colors and quality levels of pearls. Pearls range from A to AAAA which is the highest quality. Black freshwater pearls are dyed and not natural color; the natural colors are white, pink and purple. Only the Tahiti pearls are naturally black and are saltwater pearls making them more expensive. We learn a lot about pearls and how to tell real from fake pearls. He offers us a 10-to-1 money back guarantee if we find that the pearls we buy from him are anything less than what he tells us they are. He gives us his “friend” price since we know Eva and we ask a ton of questions about the pearls, price, etc. Everytime we ask to see something else, AAA to compare to a AAAA string, he pulls out more strands for us to compare. It was a really interesting experience. When purchasing, we could point out the string we wanted from the collection on the table and they would take it to the next room to string it and attach the clasp. The prices ranged from below 100 RMB to over 1000 RMB for the black Tahiti pearl necklaces. Depending on the size, shape and quality, the price would vary dramatically but none really looked like junk jewelry. He had other jewelry there made from oyster shells and stuff that we looked at, so they pretty much used the whole oyster when they collected the pearls. We were given bottles of water, chewing gum and really everyone spent a lot of time with us to show us how things were done. They would tie knots between each pearl on a strand to make it stronger and also prevent the loss of all the pearls if the strand broke (not like the movies where the pearls all fall from the necklace….I know, things in movies aren’t real, it’s tough to imagine). There was never any pressure to buy (you like-a, made in China, best-a price) that came from Hubba. He took his time and allowed us to pick and choose what we wanted or if we wanted. When someone wanted to buy, he asked them to pick out the strand, the clasp type and length and he just handed it off to an assistant to go and put it together on the spot (made to order pearls). I wanted the teardrop Tahiti pearl pendant so I was given a selection of the pearls and I chose the one I liked best. He went ahead and drilled a hole into it while I sat there and watched and then watch him attach it to the pendant top and then on the chain. By local standards, this was probably very expensive jewelry but for us it did not seem to be very expensive. Stephan had been here before and was the experienced pearl shopper and indicated that Hubba’s prices were very reasonable and his quality was better than most of the others. So we made our purchases and said goodbye to Hubba for the moment. We wanted to walk around and see some of the other shops on the second floor which were more jade and other gems. Hubba indicated that he would call to get us a taxi to return home to the Chateau since we were outside of the normal routes for the Suzhou taxis. We walked around the second floor and looked but most of us were tapped out and had no more money to spend. (Editor’s note: the lack of availability here in China to use credit cards means everything is on a cash basis. On the one hand it prevents people from spending money they don’t have [hello “stimulus package”] and on the other hand it requires you to carry a lot of cash with you at all times. Since the largest denomination is 100 yuan, making some purchases means that you’ve got to fill the wallet like George Costanza and hope it doesn’t burst). We didn’t see much that interested us with the second floor but we were tired and so we headed down for the cab ride home.

Again, the hospitality of the Chinese people is clearly on display. We cannot find our own cab so Hubba offers to help us get a cab. There weren’t any normal cabs with receipts so we would need to take a “black” cab (in this case it means a non-registered cab and it isn’t the same as the black cabs that I took from the airport). Hubba spoke with the driver and negotiated a rate for the trip and saw us off. Halfway home, he called and indicated to us not to pay more than the agreed upon fare and if the cabbie decided to try and up the price to contact him back and he would speak with the driver. The driver took his time getting back, a nice relaxing trip to sit and ponder the day’s events. All-in-all, a very good day; we experienced a new place and learned a lot about pearls. I know we’ll be going back and when we do, we’re going to find Hubba. Don't forget to review the photo link to see the photos of the adventure.

More sightseeing

So I’ve visited a few more sites, as you might have noticed from the web albums posted. I didn’t blog on my thoughts on either of these sites so I’ll put down some quick notes on both.

First the North Temple & Pagoda. This is not considered to be one of the “major” sites in Suzhou but I found it to be more than just a simple place to see. First off, the Pagoda is the largest in Suzhou at 76 meters high and you can walk up the pagoda to the top. It provides a great view of the city. This was the first pagoda where we could actually go to the top. As noted before, they don’t play the safety card here very much since the railings for the pagoda and slightly higher than knee level so you could easily take the Nestea plunge if you weren’t paying attention. I’ve found this to be true at many of the pagodas. The Pagoda is one of the sites to see but there’s also a very good temple to see as well. No photos allowed in the temple and this was one place where they really ensure you don’t take a picture. I was trying to take a picture on the sly but I found that the woman watching actually got up from her chair to come over to me to ensure I didn’t move the camera beyond where it was in my hand. Usually they don’t move very much and I’ve seen some of the locals take photos where they should not be allowed but that’s for them, I have to answer for me. The last thing I want is to be explaining my situation to my new boyfriend in the local prison. Anyhow, it would’ve been nice to get a shot inside the temple here. I was able to obtain some shots from the back side of the temple. This temple seemed more authentic than others and the artwork/idols were much nicer than other temples I have seen. There was also a nice pond at the back of the grounds which held turtles and fish. It was very peaceful. There were monks inside the grounds here and we ran into a bunch of “plebe” (you know, like the rookies) monks when we were leaving. All in all, I think this was one of the better sites in Suzhou. It didn’t seem that large on the map but it was definitely bigger than expected and was worth the time. The interesting thing to note is that the Buddha statue is relatively new to this area. Cecelia purchased some of the postcards being sold outside the area by a vendor and the picture on the postcard was sans Buddha. It is interesting to note that many of the Buddha statues are new, much like the Buddha “temple” at Stone Lake; that was about 15-20 years old and not a true representation of the history of Suzhou or China. Why did I like this site more than others, I think it was the combination of the older temple sights, the pond in the back and the pagoda. It had everything you wanted to see in one of these sites and wasn’t very crowded which is always a plus.

The Surging Waves (Canglang) Pavilion. This is a relatively small garden and again wasn’t crowded at all. As with many of the other gardens, it has winding paths and rooms that give off the impression of a much larger space. It was situated next to a canal so you could sit and just relax and watch the local fisherman try and catch something (although I didn’t want to see the three-eyed fish that they might catch from this water). It had a lot of trees and greenspace to really take you away from the hustle and bustle that was going on outside the walls of the pavilion. Again, probably more due to the lack of a crowd, this was a very nice spot to go. It’s yet another UNESCO World Heritage Site in Suzhou, which was a pleasant surprise. The gardens are very similar but there are small distinctions between each of them. I know the photos may sometimes look the same between the gardens but it’s because the styles between the gardens are close. Each onehas the limestone rocks which are interesting in their own right. These rocks were moved from their original location and taken to Tai Hu Lake where they were placed for generations. After a couple of generations; after the water had carved out the stone, they were moved from the Lake to Suzhou. If nothing else, the Chinese are a patient people (unless they are in a car, waiting in line,....), waiting for the stones to change and for the water to create a work of art. Of course, in some cases, the stones may be a little less authentic but you can tell the new from the old.

It’s been good to get out and see many of the local sights. I know I’ll be taking the same tour when Tammy and the boys arrive but that’s okay, each time I’ve gone to a place I’ve noticed something different. The gardens may not be the fun place for the boys but we’ll see (we’re going anyway and along the way they have the chance to hop in a taxi and get to step into Need for Speed IV, Chinese Style). They should be looking forward to see the local markets and vendors since they’ve seen it on TV and they’ll have the chance to experience it firsthand. It’s not long now, less than 5 weeks before they are here…..we’re near the homestretch.

No such thing as

A free lunch. At work, lunch is provided to the employees at the plant cafeteria. It's local cuisine (which may be true but may be stretching the use of the word cuisine just a little bit). For me, the food is more about eating than about taste, and that's giving it a nice spin. There is nowhere to go for lunch here, no running out to Wendy's, Burger King or The Flavors of Thailand (sigh) for a bite to eat and then heading back to the office. Here it's either bring in your lunch or eat what's offered at the cafeteria (or don't eat) which is what everyone else eats. For the locals, it seems the lunches are okay. For me, an admittedly picky eater (broccoli....people really eat that stuff!?!)....not so much. I can eat the rice and perhaps some of the other stuff but on most days, it's rice with some nibbling on the side items.

To indicate how it works, there are usually 6 "dishes" put on the trays (2 meats and 4 veggies). You can opt out of a couple of the items with a simple use of the phrase (Boo Yow) but what I have found is that I'm not quicker than the lunch lady....the quickest serving spoon in the Far East. You say Boo Yow to one thing and lickity split, she's dumping more of "what's behind door #3" to make up for the loss of the unappealing first or second option. It's almost better to let them give you some of everything and be done with it. If you don't, you may not get the fish but you're getting an extra helping of the brown, thick glass noodles (they're good for you young man). So let's go around the dish in the photo (ok, technically it's a tray for those anal retentive types), clockwise. From the top there's the fish (I think you figured that one out) on top of the rice. Next comes the cabbage/carrot mixture, then some kind of white tofu stuff just below the cabbage mixture. Next comes the meat nuggets, I think it was pork. These are okay but you've got to be careful of bones at all times with the meats here, no kidding, bones are usually not removed from the meat. Next is green spinach (?) or some other bright green leafy veggie. Just beyond that is the reddish colored spicy tofu, made with silky tofu. I can eat tofu but not the silky or soft kind. If it wiggles, I can't eat it, the texture just doesn't work for me. Texture is something I've tried to overcome but it just doesn't work.

I can say that I'm not as afraid as I first was to eat the lunches. The horror stories that were told around the campfire (the sea was angry that day my friend....) about the lunches made for a fear factor type game. I know that my first week here in February was difficult, especially to get used to the smells but now it's all old hat. I may not eat everything (no dessert and I'm grounded without supper) but I do try most everything. It's not like eating my favorites from the menu every day but I think if you eat at some of the places like the Picadilly, I think you would manage to survive. Anybody that can eat collards, grits, ocra and things like that; well you've got a headstart. So remember me next time you are out ordering lunch (I'll take L7, Chicken, Spring Roll and Water. MMmmm, L7).

Cold

Don't panic, it's not the swine flu...it's a cold, really. My first issue since I've been in China that has required some extra attention. I started to feel the cold coming on and took the Zicam (brought with me from the US) to try and knock it down but it didn't even slow the onslaught. By Thursday, my voice was somewhere between a bullfrog and Barry White (think about that for a moment). I started coughing and having a hard time with this cold. This is something I would run into in the States, when the weather turns it seems I have this same issue. But now I'm on my own to try and deal with this....I believe I need some Mucinex to fight it. Oops! Not in Kansas anymore Toto, they don't have Mucinex (at least not that I can find). So Friday morning in the office, Jenny offers me some of the medication she takes for a cold. I don't know what it is but I've got to take something. I take it but I need some of my own and I also am told about a cough syrup (it's easy to find, it's on the shelf at the end of the aisle) that might help out. So I'm told to go to the pharmacy at Singa Plaza to get the meds. Look for the Colds/Flu aisle, okay I'll handle it. I was given the option to get some acupuncture done as well to fight the cold but I chose not to take that route. If I still have problems on Monday....perhaps then I'll be less resistant to having someone penetrate my sensitive, smooth skin with a bunch of needles.

I get to the pharmacy and I take 2 steps in before the lady comes around the corner to ask me what I need. I take a quick glance down the aisles and realize that I'm 100% lost (or maybe it should be 110% lost since I was giving it my all, right, think about it). Everything is in Chinese (I know, it's ridiculous, just because I'm in China doesn't mean they can't put both English and Chinese on the labels. I think there's some discrimination happening here). So once again, I'm left to trust someone and I hand over the card with the medications, both the pills and the syrup. She takes one look and grabs both within seconds and has me back to the counter to check out. For all I know she could've given me the Chinese version of Viagra and a bottle of toad feces. How am I supposed to know? I just hand over the cash and trust they got me the right stuff (but 4 hours later I might have had the indication that I got the wrong stuff; if you know what I mean). And as for that "It's easy to find, it's at the end of the aisle"; please. Yes, it was on an endcap for the aisle....along with 20 other brands of stuff. If I had tried that on my own I may have ended up taking the Chinese version of a maximum strength laxative....at the end of the aisle, c'mon! Before I leave I stop by Franco Papas (the bakery) to pick up breakfast (I get to sleep in on the weekends and the best way to take advantage of that is to have breakfast in the room so I don't have to rush downstairs for the buffet) and head back to the Chateau to ponder how the heck I'm ever supposed to know what to get at the pharmacy. Back in the States you pretty much get what you want, when you want and have it ready for the stuffy nose, coughing, sneezing, stuffy head, so you can sleep times. Vick's Vapo Rub....how much more basic can you get? Here, people go to the pharmacy to get what they need, when they need it. Very similar to grocery shopping here, people don't stock up on food, they buy what they need for the next few days and then go back for more when needed. Sam's club, BJs....I don't know that those would work here since they don't tend to have the space to store 70 hamburger patties and a 5 gallon jug of ketchup.

You see what I was up against in the photo. The 999 is the name of the company that makes this cold remedy (or it could be 666 cleverly disguised...you figure it out) . So I take the stuff right before I go to bed and hope for the best. The cough syrup is extremely thick but doesn't taste all that bad. So about 3:30, I wake up and cough up some nice green stuff (oh yeah, you're glad you read further aren't you) and again around 7:15 I had another coughing spell that expectorated more of the goo from my chest. Perhaps I would not need the Mucinex after all but I still had that nagging voice in the back of my head. So being the stubborn man that can fend for hiimself I decide to make a trek over to Nex Times Sqaure to the western market (they can't keep me down, I'll find my own medications and show them how the game is played). Alan, Cecelia, Brossie and I go to New Times Square mall to look around at the pharmacies and see what cold remedies they have. Much to my surprise, there was no cold remedies anywhere to be found (Curses! Foiled again!). There were hundreds of condoms to be sure but not one little pack of cold meds. The only thing remotely connected was a pack of Halls. That's all folks, Halls. Nothing more, nothing less. Even surrounded by all of the Western stuff in Suzhou, underneath it all it's still China. So I guess I'm stuck with the pharmacy at Singa Plaza (or one of the more traditional pharmacies like they have near bar street where the dried frogs are always in demand) so I'll have to get used to that and start to learn more about how to obtain the stuff I need. My voice is still shot but perhaps with another day of rest, I'll be ready for another week at the office. Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there.

Just a quick note on the impact of the swine flu. Dwayne arrived from the US this week and when he landed at the Shanghai airport, the plane remained on the tarmac until all of the passengers could be screened before getting to the gate. They remained on the tarmac for 90 minutes and then were towed to the gate. Enter the Chinese health workers with the suits, gloves, goggles and masks to check everyone's temperature using an IR device and a oral thermometer if needed. If someone was found to have a fever, that person and everyone in the 3 rows in front and back of their seat would all be quaranteened to ensure that there was no spread of any "disease". Just take a moment to ponder that, it's very strange that's for sure.

My Chinese Haircut

The other week I went out for a haircut since I was feeling kind of shaggy. Just to provide some kind of reference, I’m a barbershop guy (and I don’t mean the singing guys with the funny hats). I don’t want a fru-fru haircut, I don’t need someone to “style” my hair (there isn’t enough of it) and I don’t like people that primp, fluff and fuss when cutting my hair. I want the guy that’s been cutting hair for 40+ years and can use shears. I like it when I can sit down in the barber chair and be done in less than 10 minutes (and now you can insert your own smart comment about “now I understand why you look the way you do…” here). That’s my idea of a haircut.

It’s different here in China, especially since a “haircut” can mean something other than something with scissors and a comb. I won’t get into that but suffice it to say that I didn’t need that kind of “hands on” haircut. So after speaking with many others here, I finally decided where I was going and headed to the barbershop after work. I was nervous since I had no idea what to expect but along the way I decided to do what the locals do and try to gain the experience. I show up to the shop, which appears to be a part of someone’s apartment and indicate I need to get my haircut. She tells me to sit down and then asks if I want a shampoo. Oh boy….here we go. I didn’t want a shampoo but it’s part of the experience and so I say okay. She brings out a list of different shampoos and wants me to pick a shampoo to use. Like I know…look at me lady; do I look like a guy that is picky about the shampoo I use? So I just point and pray, I mean she probably had one bottle that she used for everything anyhow and just charged whatever the person was willing to pay. So she starts putting in the shampoo on my dry hair. Yep, that’s right, I’m sitting in the chair with shampoo on my head and she gets a small squeeze bottle and starts adding the water and massaging in the shampoo (I am upright, just to clarify, not over a sink, not near a sink just sitting in the chair.). So I’m getting a scalp massage while she is mixing in the shampoo, I mean she is working it in very well, just enough water to create the suds but not enough to run down my head on to my clothes. I think she worked in the shampoo for about 5 – 7 minutes, it really wasn’t all that bad but it was just weird. Then she takes me over to the sink to rinse my head and get the shampoo out, just like any salon (shudder) would do. Once it’s rinsed out, she wraps my head in a towel (this was more funny to me since I don’t ever recall wrapping a towel around my head holding my wet hair….I don’t have the hair for it. I felt like Billy from Team America) and takes me back to the barber chair.

She hits a button on the chair and it reclines (oh-oh). While my hair is drying (in the towel), she starts massaging my arms. Now this was just getting more weird for me but I’m trying to take in the experience. She’s rubbing my arms, beating my arms (with this really odd sounding popping noises) and then she starts to crack my fingers all as part of the massage. When she gets the fingers done and my arm is feeling good, she takes my hand and starts a circle motion like she’s getting a towel ready to crack on someone’s backside. So, I’m relaxed thinking, “well this isn’t all bad” and that’s when she jerks on my arm like she’s trying to pop my shoulder or something. Where did that come from?!?!? She jerked on it twice and then moved over to the other side to do the other arm. Are you kidding me? You do all this work to relax the muscles, just to try to rip my arm off??? I mean the chair moved when she pulled so it wasn’t just a little jerk (perhaps she thought I was a little jerk and so she let me have it). I was prepared for it when she did the right arm but it was still odd. I think if I ever had suffered from a shoulder issue, this would’ve been a check to determine if I was truly healed.

So after the arms were complete, it’s time to sit up and remove the towel from my head. Good, I was feeling a little stupid (or perhaps this was a fiendish plot to make me look dumb, hmmmm…nah, it doesn’t take that much effort). So she starts with the neck and shoulder massage. Okay, now that’s more like it. I think that this isn’t so bad (ooohh, I just jinxed it!). Next thing I know she’s taking her thumbs and driving them straight down in the area between the bottom of the neck and the shoulder. I mean just pushing down like she’s trying to see if she can touch my kidneys with her thumbs (I could swear I heard an evil laugh). She really leans on it and I’m in agony. I mean, my temples started to throb with this medieval torture method. Water-boarding….mere child’s play. I had no idea what she was doing but I’m a man. Take the pain! Take the pain! I’m dying wondering what my tombstone would read….Here lies Scott Dudley, A Man’s Man died in massage mishap, perhaps even including the headline “20th Victim of the Notorious Barber Assassin” (Using her training as a Ninja, she lured men using the clever disguise of a simple barber only to utilize the arm jerk to stun her victims. Once subdued, she would finish them off using the deadly “thumbs of death” technique first perfected during the time of Genghis Khan…..). She did this three times, each time holding it perhaps 5-10 seconds but it felt like a lot more than that. I was relieved when she moved on from that and actually started to do the haircut.

She takes my glasses and then says “short hair”. Oh crap! What does that mean? So I say, “Yes. Short hair (gulp).” Now remember, she took my glasses. She then proceeds to run her hand through my hair and sticks it up and says “Good enough?”, indicating that the amount she will be cutting. Come on! I can’t see a darned thing so I squint (I was spotting all those raccoons on the side of the road [Seinfeld reference]) and try to look but darnit, I have no idea. I say “okay” and start a little prayer that I have hair remaining after this. She starts cutting with the clippers…Wo-Hoo, clippers. Then her battery dies on the clippers and she replaces the battery and it starts me thinking a little bit. She continues to cut with a comb and the clippers when all of a sudden, she changes combs. Now it’s all over for me, I wonder….where is that blue jar full of combs? I don’t recall seeing any kind of cleaning stuff around that would kill any potential “critters” from the combs or scissors. So I’m squinting and thinking; now isn’t that a fine how do you do? There’s nothing I can see to indicate that the instruments are sterile (much less the room). Rats!!! Once again, you can’t be a germ-a-phobe here or you’ll never step outside. So I try not to think about it but as soon as I got back to the apartment (and after I told Tammy the story), I washed my hair again just to try and remove any critters. For the next couple of days, any time my head would itch I would wonder who was moving in upstairs.

So you are probably dying to know, what are you going to do for your next haircut? If you aren’t wondering, just play along it’ll be alright. Say it with me “Scott, what are you going to do for your next haircut?”. The answer isn’t clear (sounds like the Magic 8 Ball doesn’t it) right now. I think I’ll skip by the washing of the hair, it’ll reduce the time to get the haircut and if I can I’ll see if I can avoid the massage but you never know. In case you are wondering, it took about 30 minutes for the haircut and cost 50 RMB (less than $8.00), the shampoo was 20 RMB so it could’ve been 30 RMB for all that. I’m not sure if this is expensive by Chinese standards because if she were to cut hair and everyone got the 30 RMB cut, you would think that she could make up to 300 RMB per day for 10 haircuts which would be a pretty good living by local standards. The Barber of Suz-hou, Figaro, Figaro.

Speaking of speaking

So think about this, how many times during the day do you use metaphors or odd phrases like "the pot calling the kettle black"? I have found myself trapped too many times here when I use an everyday phrase in the States that just doesn't register here. As an example, I was doing a presentation yesterday (off topic but I asked for feedback from some that attended and I'm not sure I received the feedback on if the presentation was okay or what I needed to do to improve...some barriers remain) and one of my slides contained the phrase "walk the walk". A very common phrase right? After the presentation I had one person ask me what that meant. Hmmm, it means to do what you tell others to do. Act out and demonstrate your principles that you have told others that you have. If you say you love dogs, don't be seen kicking the dog (even if it deserved it). To me, I thought this phrase was okay to use and I actually did try to indicate what it meant but I obviously failed in my attempt. Other things, when talking about safety, the phrase "in the line of fire" was also questioned. Unfortunately for me, sometimes I get stumped by these questions which are not on the topic at hand but on something totally "from left field" (DOH! Another phrase to explain!). I had to indicate to him that this is a phrase describing putting yourself at risk by being between the shooter and the target (I know it was a bad example but it's what I came up with after the "Ummms" were over). When I get asked, I have to really think about how to explain it almost like I am talking to a child (it sounds bad but it's really what it is like). Find a simple method to explain this or they are thinking in their mind about a literal line of fire. Why is there a line of fire and who is going to put it out? How come he doesn't talk about fire safety when he just said there is a line of fire?

How about this one, we have to "cover our butts". Think about this for a moment, what does this mean to someone that doesn't fully understand the language? He was just talking about taking measurements and putting them into a database and now he wants to cover his butt. Why? I don't see his butt, he is wearing pants. What will he use to cover his butt (I know some are now saying, "But Scott, you don't have a butt", I know that, let's just move on please)? Should I cover my butt? What has this got to do with quality? I'm telling you, it's hard not to use the phrases and metaphors we have come to just throw into every conversation.

I walked around the plant and was joking with Gary and told him that he "carried the big stick". He didn't understand and asked me what it meant. I told him it meant that he had the power and the authority to use it. I could've just said that but instead I used a phrase that would be understood in the US. How about "talking a blue streak", you think they understand that? They treat us "like a red-headed stepchild", what about that one? "Can't find his butt with both hands".....I'll bet that paints a pretty picture.

"Dumber than a box of rocks"

"Runs like a scalded dog" (oh wait, that's me that doesn't understand that one)

"Fox guarding the hen house"

"Eyes bigger than his belly"

It even comes in with some things we grew up with; think about this. Do the Chinese know who the Tidy Bowl man is? How about Bert and Ernie? It's a totally different experience growing up for us than them, different shows and different themes. This is why it can be very difficult to communicate effectively if you utilize things from your experiences. I really have to focus more on the words I use rather than just speak. I understand that I talk fast and I've deliberately tried to slow down my pace of speaking but it's more difficult than it sounds. When I talk slow I feel like the Chariots of Fire theme is playing (oh, I'll bet that one would be missed as well) and I'm doing the slow motion shot. After the presentation, I was told I talk too fast. Darnit, I've got to go now to super-slow motion....I won't be able to stand it. But it's not up to them to adapt to me (I'm just a very small fish in a big pond......argh!), I've got to adapt to them and make them understand. It's a steep learning curve so I've got my work cut out for me....I mean, it's a tough row to hoe.....Rats!

It's just another day in the big city and something I have to keep in the back of my mind (did it again). Next time you are talking, see how many times you find yourself using a phrase that might be difficult for someone who would take it very literally to understand. Then think about references you might use in talking with people that come from TV shows or magazines. It's a trap that I have to get out of, as well as contractions...those gotta go too!

Anyhow, I posted some pictures from the Canglang Pavilion (aka Surging Waves Pavilion), take a look and enjoy. Brossie and I took a day to go to the Confucius Temple and then to the pavilion. I had already posted the pictures from Confucius so I didn't add anything there. I'll do a review of that pavilion and I still owe the notes from the North Temple. I'll post again soon, I've been slacking off but I'll get back on the horse (did it again) and get back to posting more often. You'll like reading my posts or my name isn't Orville Redenbacker...I mean, I gar-ron-tee...ah, to heck with it, Good night John Boy.