My nemesis

On Sunday the 5th, it was time to kick it up a notch. I had taken the family to several grocery stores, both of the Western and local variety but I had held off the trip to the store that shall remain nameless (just go with it, trying to build a mood here). So Sunday, it was time (dun, dun, daaahhh!). Yes, it could not be avoided; it was time to return to Auchan! As much as I do not look forward to setting foot into the store, I needed to show Tammy and the boys what they were missing (heartburn, anxiety attack, bruises, you know, all the good stuff). So we hopped into the taxi and off we went.

Upon arrival, as usual it was chaos in the streets. Get out of the taxi and avoid scooters, rickshaws, other taxis, buses and of course other pedestrians just to get to the relative safety of the entrance. I told them, “prepare for battle” and in we went. They had changed the layout a little from my last visit (really all they did was reverse the escalators so the escalator which used to go up, now went down). Not a big deal but I went the wrong way once we entered the building and had to hear from the “peanut gallery” that I can’t even read the signs that are in English. Oh sure, I could’ve killed them on the spot (I plead insanity your honor….have you ever been to Auchan? Case dismissed!) but I decided to torture them with Auchan first. So up the escalator we went into the crowded masses. The escalator now sends you up on the far end of the store, the dreaded grocery side which means that you have to walk the full length of the place to obtain the relative tranquility of the department store side (it’s like having lunch with a bunch of sugared up 2nd graders versus having lunch with a group of middle schoolers…pick your poison, either way it’s a sure descent into madness!). So off we go from checkout lane 110 down to 1 so we can maneuver into the department store section. Jacob’s pushing the shopping cart around the people as best he can and we’re trying to stay close. Some of the looks we got were amusing as people stared (white family 12 o’clock) but you get used to it. Once we broke free of the crowd (yeah right…but when you move away from the hundreds of people around you to the tens of people around you it feels like a major change), we walked through the electronics area.

We make it to the electronics section and start the slow movement through the store, looking down the aisles at all of the stuff contained in the section. We looked at printers trying to decide which printer we may want to select. It was more difficult given that we had to get a printer that worked on both a Mac and a PC (just so you know in case you couldn’t figure it out, Tammy’s a Mac…I’m a PC). We couldn’t make a decision for a variety of reasons (How old is this model? Can we find printer cartridges? Do we need color?) so we looked and left without purchasing. Next it was the toaster oven aisle, approx. 30 different models to look at and try to make a decision. What’s the features (do I look like I read Chinese?)? Ah yes, the one thing that makes purchasing a little more daunting, the Chinese characters. When you buy local, you get local. We could probably find a Western model at one of the more pricey shopping malls but (surprise-surprise) I’m not going to spend a ton of cash for a toaster oven (or anything else that I may be leaving behind in 2 years…think about it, different plugs and different voltage means it ain’t going back to the States with me so I’m renting it). So we walk away empty handed again but we at least know the prices range from about 300 RMB up to over 3,000 for the “convection oven” model. Then it’s the rice cookers, only about 100 different models to choose from. Ones that double as a steamer, some that double as a pressure cooker and so on (say do you have one that just cooks, uh, RICE). All we want is a simple machine, put in water, add rice, close the lid and press the button. Not so fast, there’s a bunch of buttons here (once again in Chinese if you can imagine that) and not one says Start. For all I know one button is the emergency panic button that sends the rice out like fireworks (or maybe that button turns the rice into Rice Crispies…now that’s a neat trick). Simple, perhaps for the locals but for us not so simple. We decided to check with other Expats to determine what they bought and how it works. Some of the models had nice designs, some were plain and some had some kind of kitten on it (really a freakin’ kitten. There’s a kitty fetish here….it’s everywhere!). So we’re foiled again but the nefarious Auchan curse!!! (do you get the feeling that I don’t like this place?)

So we proceed to look for items that we can purchase; a large pot for spaghetti, a spaghetti spoon, a mosquito light and a few other items. Jacob (being like me) after about 20 minutes has had enough and keeps asking when we are checking out. One more thing to look for. (How much longer?) I wasn’t discouraging him since I wanted out too (like a dog trying to escape the car that’s on the way to the vet for the Bob Barker treatment). He held in there because he had little choice and I don’t think he could’ve found his way out without a GPS (another one of his sayings). So once we loaded up, it’s time to find a checkout lane that has less than 10 people in line. Luckily, on the department store side the lines are usually smaller so we were able to jump in and check out rather quickly. The thing to remember here is that you always bring you own bags to bring your groceries home otherwise you pay per bag. Many Westerners travel with backpacks and bags to carry everything home. Also, be sure what you buy, you can carry. If you buy too much and you can’t carry it all then you have a problem. I usually shop with the small, plastic hand carts just to be sure. When it is full, I’m done.

So we get done and head outside for a cab. It’s then the battle for the right spot. The Chinese play a very coy game of “we’ve got the cab” that is mildly annoying. If you are standing on the curb waiting to flag down a cab (let’s say the cab is coming from your left), they will walk 30 paces past you to the left to flag down the cab before it can get to you. Then they hop in and give you the smug grin as they drive on by. We stand our ground since some seem to wait in line behind us but in reality, as soon as you turn and look towards traffic, there they are walking away from you to get the cab first. After about 10 minutes, it’s more than mildly annoying (patience grasshopper) but we are able to get a cab and head back to the Chateau. Me to decompress and be thankful that I made it out alive (oh, the humanity). Tammy to consider when she’ll make the next trip to Auchan (without me).