Hairy Crab

Saturday I got to take another dip into the pool of local cuisine. I was working in the plant when one of our engineers (Jerry) approached me and asked me to join them for lunch; they were headed out to eat hairy crab. I tried quickly to find a polite way of declining the offer, after all I brought in my PB&J sandwich and I didn’t want to be wasteful. Unfortunately for me, I’m much quicker on my feet with quick one-liners or sarcasm than I am in trying to avoid those cultural land mines that exist over here. It was very nice of them to think of me BUT I don’t eat crab (never had it in the US either, heck I’m from Maine and I really don’t eat lobster) and I have not heard many positive things about the crabs so I tried to turn on my thinking cap but my battery died. Jerry was very nice when I attempted to decline but he was insistent that he wanted me to join them, it would be a quick lunch he said…..so I accepted and said a quick prayer that I wouldn’t be killed by eating this local delicacy (available a limited time only).

Here’s some education material on the hairy crab. The hairy crab is a freshwater crab that is most famous from Yangcheng Lake which happens to be here in Suzhou (lucky me). The crab is officially known as the Chinese Mitten Crab and considered to be a delicacy in Shanghai cuisine. It’s not a large crab, the body is about 9 – 10 cm wide. It’s very pricey and depending on the time of year, it is considered better to eat either the male or the female crab (although when you order, they sell both the male and female together). In the winter, the female crab is more delicious (or so they say) for the roe (which I’m not certain what the roe really is but Andrew Zimmerman loves it so I suspect it’s not for everyone). It’s called the hairy crab due to the hair on the legs of the crab.

So, about noon Jerry pops by and we head out to eat at the local establishment that specializes in the hairy crab. Upon arrival to the restaurant, we are ushered past a bunch of tanks on the first floor (the tanks are all on the floor) containing the crabs. It smelled like you would think; a very strong fishy smell….just enough to “wet the appetite”. They are pulling the crabs out of the water and tying them up in a bundle like a little Christmas present (a live Christmas present). So we walk by and head upstairs to eat. It’s not what you would call a fancy place to eat but many of the best eateries here aren’t the fancy places. They are pouring green tea (and just to be sure you understand; this isn’t a little cup of tea with a tea bag. It’s a tall glass with dried tea leaves at the bottom that they add hot water to and allow the tea leaves to settle to the bottom of the glass for tea. So from all outward appearances, it looks like someone has put grass clippings in hot water in a tall glass, makes you want some doesn’t it). The menu comes out and they look and ask if I want to order, it’s all in Chinese so I let them do the ordering (while I do the praying). They brought the three Westerners invited to lunch Cokes so we could drink something more “normal” for us (I don’t drink a lot of soda either but I wasn’t asking for the water if you know what I mean…I think you do). So while they wait, the pack of cigarettes are passed around the table for the pre-meal smoke, I was able to decline this without any issue. Then the meal begins to arrive.

First up, what appears to be green beans (they looked very different but when asked they agreed that they were beans) and fried, crispy smelt. A very tiny fish, fried whole. I grab some of the beans and pass the plate. They waited on the Westerners for first taste of everything at the table so we were kind of stuck. I popped a bean into my mouth and think, wow, this is really, really, really tough. I continue to chew and think “how it is possible to get a green bean this tough?”. I stare at the other beans on my plate and notice that there is something not right here. As I look closer, I notice that these are soy beans, you aren’t supposed to eat the husk, just the bean. Darnit!!!! I was able to chew through the first one (after about 5 minutes of jaw breaking work) but now I take stock of what’s on the table before I accept their answer since they were right, it was a bean but not a green bean. I passed on the fried smelt, had this before and not really going to try it again. Then out comes the sliced silky tofu with a spicy sauce, topped with vegetable and a black duck egg. Ugh, this is going to get worse as it goes. I took a small bit, I can’t stand the texture of the tofu but I was able to get it down without gagging. Oh boy, next is a plate of snails (or I should be clearer by saying it’s the snail shells). They show me how to get the “meat” from the shell and eat it. You can either suck it out (which I was told is something that distinguishes a local from other Chinese) or use a toothpick to get at the meat. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t like you really ate anything. It was such a small snail shell that the “meat” wasn’t enough to really even chew. I ate a few and then the guy next to me pours a big spoonful on my plate just to be sure I have enough (gee thanks). At this moment, I was really beginning to dread the arrival of the crabs. Then comes the pork cubes (cubes of fat with small sections of meat , it was like 4 layers of fat with one thin layer of meat) in a soy sauce with chestnuts. A lot of fat here but it seems the locals love this dish; I ate one piece since I’m not really into eating large quantities of fatty tissue. It wasn’t bad but how about reversing the meat to fat ratio? This is they way I have seen it done since I’ve been here, so it just is what it is. Then the small shrimps (complete) in a broth and some green, crunchy vegetables (nobody knew what to call this, it was a bright green like a kiwi but was very crunchy and had little to no flavor), lotus root, whole chicken (and I mean whole) in a big pot with “broth”. Everyone is eating pretty well at this time (except for me, I’m still sampling the meal (this is the time where you miss the dog under the table) when the main course arrives.

Here come the little orange buggers complete in their wrapping paper. This is when I learn that the females are more delicious than the males at this time of season, so of course they dig out the females for us to eat. They showed us how to tell the difference between the male and female (another in a long line of useful tidbits that I will never have to use again). Now I have to learn how to eat it from a guy that speaks no English so I put on my game face and get ready to tackle the crab. First, take off the string holding the thing together (duh!). One interesting thing is that the claws have like a coating of mud (or what appears to be mud) on one side. I don’t know what this was but I wasn’t asking questions (and I wasn’t eating the claws). So after unwrapping the gift, I’ve got to learn how to open it up. First, I’ve got to pull out a section of the underbelly of the shell and toss that aside, nothing to eat here (whew!). Then, using my two thumbs, I grab the edge of the top shell with my left and just below that with my right and pull it apart. He indicates to me that I’m to eat all of this orange stuff left inside the top shell of the crab, which is the roe. I take a deep breath and dig in with my chopsticks to get at some of this roe stuff and do the taste test. It actually wasn’t so bad, I don’t know that I can describe the flavor but it wasn’t delicious and it wasn’t awful so I could eat it and look happy (but of course there is the dreaded “next day” when you really know if what you ate was good or bad). They showed me how to add some sauce to the shell to mix in with the stuff and slurp it out from the shell. What is left for the body of the crab needs to have the gills removed. Remove those, break off the legs and start prying it apart to get at the meat. Keep in mind, this is a small crab so when I say meat, I’m talking about a small amount of the stuff. So while I continue to pull the caveman routine and tear apart this crab to suck out the meat, everyone at the table is doing the same thing. When I stopped for a moment to focus on just listening to what was going on around me, it’s a concert of slurping and cracking as the crabs go down. The Chinese tend to be very loud eaters, enjoying their food and letting you know that they are eating. This just kicked it up a notch with the crab shells and all. So, there I am crackling and gnawing at the shells, trying to get every last scrap of meat on this small creature. The juices of the crab are all over my hands, creating an interesting orange staining to the fingers. They hand us napkins to wipe our hands but it doesn’t really diminish the stain much or the smell of the crab from our fingers. In the meantime, more food comes to the table, a big plate of fish, eggplant and dumplings are served. This is after the crab so it’s beginning to be a bit much now. We eat what we can (or what we want) and sit back to let the food settle. When we do this, they talk to the waitress and in a few moments she comes into the room with a big glass bowl with hot water and tea leaves. The locals tell us that we should wash our hands in the tea to get rid of the smell. Sounds dumb (snipe hunting anyone?) but we have to trust and go ahead and wash our hands in this bowl to clean up from the crab. This is one of those urban legends because my hands still smelled like the crab no matter what they said. AND it was about a 2 hour lunch to boot….quick lunch my butt! I should’ve known better (I’ve seen how they order a meal) but it was about the experience more than anything else. Now I can say that I’ve eaten hairy crab.

Would I have it again….I’m not sure. It wasn’t bad but I’m not much of a seafood eater as I indicated earlier and I really don’t like having to fight for my food scraps as part of the meal plan. However, I’m thankful that they invited me because this would not have been the same meal with a bunch of Westerners.