Back to the States

In June we finally made the decision to take a trip home during the summer and so we made arrangements to return to the US to see our families. This was the first trip back to the US since we left for China last year and we kept it quiet since we knew it would be a quick trip. For all our friends that we were unable to visit, we apologize and hope that you understand that we wanted to see everyone but in reality, that would be impossible. Traveling this distance puts you at a large disadvantage for taking other smaller trips (not from necessarily a desire but from an energy standpoint, at some time you need to take a break on your vacation…know what I mean?). Traveling halfway around the globe would provide enough of a challenge for us.

So, did I mention that it took 15 hours to fly from Shanghai to Greenville, SC. Our day started at 3:30 am when we woke up to get some breakfast and do the final touches on packing and get ready to meet the driver to take us to the airport (5:00 am). It was a pretty uneventful ride with the exception of an issue at one of the toll booths. There was some kind of altercation with a driver which led to a short chase between him and the security at the toll area. I’m not sure what it was all about but one of the security guys grabbed for his gun as the chase began and I thought it was all over for the “lawbreaker”. Instead he stopped running and it became a Benny Hill routine with the cop grabbing him, smacking him upside the head and grabbing his hair and stuff. We’re stuck behind the rig he was driving (which was a flatbed loaded with some stuff covered by a tarp) so we waited, not knowing how this would end. A few moments later we see him running across traffic on the other side of the road and over the wall he goes and makes his escape (not one of the security guys seemed to notice he was gone). We are then told to back up and go around to another booth. We look and they are crawling all over this truck so I think he had a little bounty of illegal goodies he was transporting. Given we had no idea what was happening, I speculate on this so take it with a grain of salt (hey, it’s no different than some of the news reporting back home. Interesting to note that in a book I purchased that details a lot of Chinese slang, they have a saying “Don’t be too CNN” meaning don’t lie or distort the truth. Even the Chinese know CNN is full of it!). One piece of advice when traveling; stay away from spicy food the night before you travel (do I need to spell it out for ya?), it makes for less “stress” on the trip.

At the airport, we go through the long lines at Delta since the “Self Service Kiosk” didn’t work (as usual…note to Delta, the kiosks are a really good idea but I’m sure they would be better if they actually WORKED!!!) So while we are in line Tammy starts to chat it up with an older lady who came with the Geritol Group on a whirlwind tour of China. It all starts with a simple question, “Where are you from?” “Do you mean originally or now?” [Argh! Here we go…] So while we wind through the rope maze, each time they come close, the conversation continues. They are from Florida (What!?! A group of seniors that live in Florida; what are the odds?!?!). After checking in, we then head for the security gate. The interesting part about their security is that they break you into groups. They allow about 10 people to pass and as you walk by they wipe down every bag with a cloth. Then you are roped off until the cloth has been tested and no residue for explosives is found (I assume that is what they are testing for). Then you move to the standard metal detector and x-ray section (just like any other airport).

We make it through and it’s time for something to eat so we go to Burger King for a quick bite. Tammy and I couldn’t do it but the kids, a cheeseburger, chicken fingers and fries at 8:00am, not a problem. [Editors note: They don’t have a breakfast menu at BK or McDonalds here, regardless of the time of day it’s the same menu options] When they call us to board the plane, it’s through another checkpoint before we can board. In this case, they are again checking for liquids in your carry on. Keep in mind, all beverages you might have were purchased inside the terminal. I don’t understand but it’s the rules and tough luck if you don’t like them. So we get on the full plane and prepare for the long flight ahead of us. Luckily, the plane has the individual entertainment screens so we can play games, watch movies, etc. The food on the plane; not good (this is where the Chinese airlines crush Delta). The service was good but I have another piece of advice (are you surprised!?!) for the airlines. Stop badgering people, when you are stuck in a large metal tube 39,000 feet in the air and you have to go to the bathroom, you have to go. Stop turning the seat belt sign on and off and giving the announcement about the seat belt sign is on. Just tell people to loosely fasten their seatbelts when seated and be careful when moving around the cabin. Let people walk around, stand and go to the bathroom in peace. If it was that bad, the flight attendants would also be in their seats so if they are up; leave everyone else alone. Oh, what is this, you have to use the restroom in your part of the cabin? I guess I can understand that they don’t want to disturb the first class folks (they don’t want to share their cushy toilet seats with the vermin in the back). But for the people in the back, what difference does it make which lavatory I use, the one at the far back or the one in the middle of the plane? Do I win a prize for using the right lavatory? (Congratulations! You are the 50th customer today…you get real chicken in your chicken meal.)

So after a long flight (I timed it out to be 13 hours), with no sleep, we arrive in Detroit for our connection to Greenville. We were late getting into Detroit so we really needed to get moving to be sure we were on the flight. First stop; Customs. Everything went smoothly there after a 15 minute shuffle through the rope maze, but then you have to get through security again. This time they tell you take your shoes off, belts off, don’t put that in the bin, put that in the bin, move along, this way please hustle and bustle while we sound annoyed and continue to repeat ourselves (TSA….the people that rent-a-cops wouldn’t hire). We’re tired and this was a real nuisance, yes for our own good but c’mon. Seriously, take off my belt!?!? Luckily I had on pants that weren’t too big or I’d be forced to try and hold my pants up while grabbing my shoes, belt, computer and computer bag. You think they could provide a few chairs and some room to sit without being run over by the people behind you but not in Detroit. Atlanta has much better spacing. So, we make it through and then have to grab our bags and re-check them. Now this was really pointless. Pick up your bag from the carousel, walk to the security person who will ask your destination, and then take your bag to another security person who will place it on the belt to get loaded on to your plane. This makes no sense at all; basically you picked up your bags from one carousel and moved them to another. They could’ve done that without my involvement but this is the same everywhere that I have been. It’s a government thing, add another layer of bureaucracy when you aren’t sure what to do next (if you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with b___). Now we really have to move fast to get to the connecting flight. They have the moving sidewalks in Detroit but people are oblivious, hello, move to the side please so people can get past you. Warren and I would sometimes not even bother with it and walk alongside it and still be to the other side before the lazy people. Just as we arrive at the gate, the young lady calls our names and we go to the counter to get our seats. It’s a small Canadair jet so it doesn’t take long to load and get wedged into the seats. This was less than a 2 hour flight so it was no problem; we were too tired at this point to care. We got off the plane and headed to pick up our luggage when we were surprised by a greeting party of my Mom & Dad to welcome us back to the US. We were not expecting it so it was very nice to have someone there to greet you, especially after so many hours in the air. So, we started the day at 3:30 am on Friday and ended the day at my parent’s house around 5:00 pm on Friday. Keep in mind, we left on China time and ended up in Eastern Standard Time so we traveled “back in time”. For those who can’t do the math that means that we were up for 25 ½ hours and still needed to wait a few more before it would be bedtime.

So this is our story of our day to get back to the US (long post but even longer trip). While we were there we observed many things but that is another post. Stay tuned for our “Eye on America” exclusive report.

Photo Album Updated

I know that the photo album link has been the same for over 1 year. This is due to the blogosphere firewall that has existed in China for the same time period (blogging can be done but uploading photos is another story). If you don't know, we are in the US for a limited time and I have taken advantage to update the photo album with some photos from 2010. If you have the chance, take a look.

Chinese Girlfriend

Just to be clear, I don’t have one (I have many…HA!). However, it seems that perhaps I am in the minority for many of the foreigners in China. One of the first questions I was asked by some of the first local workers hired at the company was “Do you have a Chinese girlfriend?” Although it was an odd question at the time, I’m beginning to see more and more why this question would be asked. Even today, my colleagues will ask if I have a Chinese girlfriend. Then they go on to say that it perfectly acceptable here to have one. But I’m married. It’s okay; men can have more than one woman. But my wife is here in Suzhou. Oh, what a pity. (Seriously, the response was “What a pity”, now that’s funny.). Really, a pity!?! I have a hard enough time dealing with one woman, add in a second woman and I’m in trouble. They laugh and continue to say that it’s okay if I have one. It’s okay for them but I try to convince them that it’s not okay for me.

Despite how strange it seems to me, I know Chinese that have a wife and kid plus a girlfriend. It seems to be a status thing, I can afford to have two women (I know, how can anyone afford to have two women…obviously not a Western woman). It’s not hidden from their co-workers, it’s out in the open. You see him at the bar and ask “is that his wife?” The whispered response is “No”. Okay then, I want to ask if his wife knows and accepts this or if she is unaware of his wandering (but I don’t). This is definitely a culture thing so perhaps she knows and expects it but she makes the decision to stay with him due to the comfortable lifestyle he gives to her and their child. I don’t know what the divorce rate is in China (if it’s known) but I would think that this still has to be a sore spot that perhaps isn’t dealt with head-on. It may go back to “face” again. Confrontation seems to be avoided, even when it is necessary to resolve issues. I still don’t win awards with my cultural sensitivity when they make a statement that is completely wrong and I tell them “we will not do it that way”, “that will not work”, etc. [Note that I say will not rather than won’t, words like don’t, can’t, shouldn’t, etc. are often misunderstood. Here if you say can’t; they don’t hear “can not”, they hear “can”. I’ve learned to avoid these or repeat statements if I use them to be sure I am understood.]

The Westerners aren’t immune to this cultural acceptance. The Europeans are more liberal in their views (for the most part) and so they will “embrace” the local culture. Sometimes it is very creepy, especially when you see old men (I’m talking full gray, beer belly, men in their 60’s or even older) with younger Chinese women. Some of these women may be “rented” short term and some may be more of a lease/purchase plan. We went to a restaurant several months back and sat at a table next to an old guy (probably 65 or older, if not he was definitely rode hard and put up wet…try explaining that expression to the Chinese). He was intently watching a Rugby match on the tv. A younger Chinese lady walks in and sits at the same table with him. He barely acknowledges her except to say that he already ate while he waited. She orders her dinner and studies her books while she eats. Sitting and watching this was really disturbing with all the questions surrounding how/why these two were together. She tries to engage him in conversation but gets nowhere and eventually just sits there waiting for him to leave after his match is over (and he has paid for her meal). So she sits quietly and studies her books. They leave just before we do. When we leave a hop into a taxi, we see the “Honeymooners” again walking down the street. She is about 5 meters in front of the guy walking, so again you wonder what kind of relationship this was and you feel badly for the woman. The people living out in the countryside don’t have a lot and I can only imagine that when some of these young women get to the cities with the foreigners, they find themselves a virtual gold mine when they realize that some foreigners might need a partner. They may sacrifice many things but they gain a more comfortable living by being with the foreigner and so they make the choice of how they want to live. Perhaps they both get what they want, she wants a better life and he wants an excuse to use his prescription of the little blue pills (if he can remember where he put them).

Now I know that this isn’t the case with all of the relationships between foreigners and the locals, some may actually be true relationships. However, seeing so many Chinese with the foreigners and watching how they interact….it really colors your opinion. I can’t tell you how many times a group of men have been together eating lunch with one Chinese girl at the table. She looks bored out of her mind and is treated as another piece of furniture by the guys. There is no attempt to interact with her, it’s like she isn’t there at all. Sometimes it’s just the two of them and they are sitting and drinking beer. You watch her closely and all the cues tell you she’d rather be someplace else. Then when you see her lift the beer glass and pretend to drink (you know, the liquid moves to her mouth but she doesn’t actually allow open her mouth to drink while her eyes are look around), you understand. I see more of this and the “rented” relationships that any of the other relationships. I don’t know how you really know, I guess it’s a gut feel based on what I see.

How does Tammy feel when I tell her it’s a pity that she is here to prevent me from having a Chinese girlfriend? She is surprisingly supportive of the idea. To paraphrase, it’s no problem but I don’t think she’ll be around long after she realizes that your wife now has all the money and the apartment. Can you believe that?!? She acts like they would only be interested in me for my money and not my quick wit, boyish charm and rugged good looks (and all of my other good characteristics…feel free to add to the list. Seriously, you got anything else because I’m tapped out). The truth hurts.

Meeting the kids

Saturday night, for the first time I invited two of the kids from work to dinner to meet Tammy. Matt and his wife Veleta also joined us for dinner so Matt’s wife could meet some of the kids we work with. I had been thinking about this for a long time and had not done it thinking that some of the kids might be offended if they were not included in the group. However, after some internal debate (yes, I debate with myself like any other “rational” person would), I decided to just ask out two of the kids to join us. I went with the two girls (young ladies) that I have worked with for the longest time and are good workers with whom I have a good relationship. These two young ladies (Vicky and Fen) have both been recognized and promoted to the position of team leader in their department so I figured I could justify the dinner if needed. I gave them two ground rules for the dinner; 1) I was paying and 2) I would also pay the taxi fare for them to get to the restaurant. They said that they could pay for the taxi but I knew that it would cost them between 40 and 45 RMB for a cab fare and that would mean about 5% of their monthly salary to meet us for dinner. I found that unacceptable to me and I tried to convince them that it was happening despite their objections, after all it was a rule.

The next decision; where to eat (well duh!). I know have eaten at a few Chinese places because I can only go where I can read the menu (otherwise, I don’t go for obvious reasons) so I had to go with one of those places. Would it be the Sichuan place, the mutton place, the Hong Kong style food or some other place that they liked to eat…..this was a tough decision. I asked them what they liked to eat and they said anything was fine so it was up to me. I went with the mutton place (once again, it’s not called the mutton place, as we always do we call a restaurant by the name of the food we order or by something else, like the bamboo shop, the nut guy, the egg guy, the veggie lady, etc.). I brought in the taxi card for the restaurant and showed it to them and explained that we would eat mutton at this place (yang rou). They liked mutton so it was a good choice (or seemed that way because they could’ve just been polite thinking to themselves that they will eat before they meet us). When I attempted to give Vicky 50 RMB for the taxi, she would not accept it. So I placed it in with the taxi card and hid it from her so she took it and would figure it out later (the business card folded in half since they had many of these same restaurants around the city) and maybe give me the money back later. Either way, I gave her the money so I held up my end of the bargain.

So Saturday night comes along and we meet Matt & Veleta and walk to the restaurant. The girls were already there waiting on us but we weren’t late so I didn’t feel badly about that. They were dressed very nice where we went in the standard shorts and t-shirts (it wasn’t a black tie affair for us but perhaps for them it was more meaningful). We complimented them on how they looked and sat down to dinner. The waitress was there immediately looking for our order but we needed time to look at the menu. She talked directly to the girls and looked past us like we weren’t there at all. Strange but not totally unexpected, I guess she expected that we didn’t speak the language and only came there so the girls could order for us. We asked for a little time and a second menu. Believe it or not, at most of the Chinese places, we get one menu for the table (no matter how many people are at the table). If you ask for a second one, they will provide it but it’s not standard practice. I gave the menu to the girls to pick out what they liked. The mutton place serves what is considered Northwestern China dishes. It also has some pages listed with some ___stan (you know one of the former Soviet Republics that ends in …stan. I’m not sure which one so I’ll just leave it as a …stan) dishes. The restaurant also could be considered a Muslim restaurant due to the dishes served and the selection of meats but I think it has moved away from that somewhat as now the menu also has some chicken and beef (before it was all mutton). Anyhow, the girls choose a cold tofu dish, a fish pot dish and some mutton skewers. We add in green beans, sliced potatoes&peppers, lamb chops, mutton pizza, and nan bread. They were okay with our selections and we would try theirs, it’s the Chinese way. Order something and everyone shares, it’s why going to a Chinese place by yourself isn’t a good experience. You get what you order, there’s no additional egg roll, chicken wing and rice included. When you order a dish, it’s a full plate of that, not an individual portion. Then the drinks, we order beer and the girls go along but I’m not certain that they drink much beer (if any). The waitress tries to get us to Suntory beer but we want Harbin beer (the official beer of the World Cup…it’s true). We have tried the Suntory before, it’s not very good. She wasn’t happy but she complied with the request. You see there was a girl walking around in a Suntory “costume” (like a Suntory beer babe) that was trying to convince people to get that beer but she wasn’t having much luck.

So while we wait for the food, we talk with the girls, just some small talk. What did you do today, blah, blah, blah. Tammy would try to talk to them in Chinese and they would giggle at her just like they have done with me for many months (so it’s not just me). We talked about many things, who cooks for them at their apartment, what do they like to do, etc. It started a little awkward but after about 10 minutes, it was no problem. We would talk to them about the US and US expressions and they would talk about some Chinese things. We would exchange words in both languages (what is the Chinese word for …) and just had a good time. Some of the more interesting things were that dishes we ordered, they would cook at home so perhaps we weren’t all that different with the foods we liked. Fen preferred meats and Vicky preferred fish, but they both ate a little of everything. It was a good time and everyone got plenty to eat.

After dinner, we asked them if they wanted to go see the light show at the lake. They wanted to go but it was raining. They had an umbrella but we did not so it was a question of if Tammy and I wanted to get wet. It was a light sprinkle and it was hot enough that you didn’t really get all that wet but you would get a little wet. We told them that we would go despite the weather so we hopped into a taxi and headed for the lake. We were a little late (about 5 minutes) and missed the start of the show but we still had plenty to watch. Here is where it got interesting. They had an umbrella, we did not. We stood and watched the show but they would not use their umbrella. It finally dawned on me that they would not use it while Tammy and I got wet, I’m not sure why but they didn’t. I told Tammy to go stand with them and have them bring out the umbrella so she would not get wet. They did but they kept looking at me and wondering why I was standing in the rain. Again, I wasn’t getting soaked, it was more a nuisance than anything else but I guess it was odd for them. We watched the light show and they seemed to enjoy it. We then headed out to find them a taxi to get them home. While we walked to get the taxi, Vicky walked next to Tammy and held the umbrella over her to keep Tammy from getting wet. Fen walked with me in the rain. I tried to tell them to get under the umbrella but they were having no part of it. I guess for them, it was something engrained in their upbringing and we could not change it despite our objections. It was actually kind of nice since I think it was about respect (for their elders, after all Tammy is old). It’s not something I would expect at home but I’m not at home am I? Anyhow, it was interesting to me. When we got to the street, there were a ton of people all looking for taxis so we decided to move up the street to the corner to have a better opportunity to get a cab. After a couple of minutes, they started to talk about taking the bus but I didn’t want them to have to take a 45 minutes trip back home since they would have to change buses to get home. I know it’s something they are used to but I didn’t want them to have to do that. I told them we would get a taxi and again I would pay for it. They objected a lot more strenuously this time as I tried to give them 50 RMB for the cab fare. Just as we were discussing, a taxi came available and we hailed it down. Tammy is trying to give them the 50 and they are trying to give us their umbrella, meanwhile the taxi waits. It must’ve looked funny to someone walking by as we are forcing money on them and they are forcing an umbrella on us. I grab the taxi door and open it for them as they hop in. They close the door so we keep their umbrella but they keep the cash for the ride. We waved goodbye and it was over.

As we walked the 10 minute walk to the apartment we talked about the evening. Veleta had been in China all of 2 days and had her first meal with Chinese, I’m sure it was a little strange to witness the interaction between them and us. It’s an odd thing to be in a foreign country and try to communicate with the knowledge that perhaps less than 50% of what you say is understood. From my experience, many times it’s more about context than anything else. At work, I may not be able to communicate effectively with all of the workers, we can understand some of what is being said by motions, expressions, etc. I have been told many times that these kinds of dinners and other things outside of work go a long way towards building relationships with the locals. This was an attempt to do just that. I think it helps for them to see that we are very similar to them and how we try to communicate with the locals in Chinese. Although our Chinese is very poor, the effort is what is appreciated. This may be why we get the giggles from the locals when we try Chinese, they aren’t laughing at us (I hope) and are entertained by our effort (does that make sense?). I know I am entertained by the mistakes I make with the language (telling the driver to turn right instead of left, etc.). That’s the toughest part for me. I know I have to speak to get better but the “fear” of making an error drives me to not say anything if I am unsure. I’ve got to get past that if I am to get better.

One last thing, you may be asking yourself "what about Warren and Jacob?" Well, they weren't invited to dinner so they ate pizza at the apartment and watched tv, played the wii, whatever. We weren't gone more than a couple of hours and we weren't but two blocks away so we didn't feel strange leaving them at home. We've left them before during the day while we go for a walk, shop or whatever if they don't want to come. It's good for them and for us (probably more for us) and here there isn't the fear of leaving them alone like it might be at home. It sounds strange right? We're in a foreign country where anything can happen and we're okay leaving the kids alone for a few hours. I don't think the kids at work were ready to meet Warren and Jacob just yet but that time is coming. I'm going to continue to take out the kids from work maybe once every couple of months. Perhaps the next time it will be for bowling or something like that. I'll let you know.

English class...it is useful

So here’s where I stand up and say I was completely wrong about English class. While I was a young lad back in school sitting in class and the teacher was talking about the Subject, Object, Verb, Dangling Participle, etc., I would daydream about slaying dragons or winning the lottery or slaying the dragon that won the lottery. I mean, I could speak English and be understood right. Did I really need to be able to go through a group of sentences and identify the structure and parts? C’mon, who would ever use this stuff? Can’t we just move on a read Shakespeare or Poe already (like he would be able to break down his sentences, I thinkith not!). Well, now I finally understand why we did this (and the curtains around his eyes open wide to let in the bright sky). Pray tell, you say…fear not my comrades for you shall be told.

As part of my Chinese classes, my teacher Ling Ling asks us to put together sentences with the various vocabulary words. Her method to teaching appears rather simple…learn a word, use it in a sentence and then hold a free dialogue using the new words. [By simple, I mean her approach is simple but it’s much more difficult than it may sound] Of course, the more you use a word, the more likely you are to recognize it and be able to use it in everyday settings. There is a catch; you have to be able to follow the Chinese sentence structure (Quoth the raven, “OH NO!!!”). In Chinese, the structure is completely different from English and many times we will create a sentence and she will say “that’s how you would say it in English” or the even more dreaded “that’s written Chinese but not spoken Chinese”. It started off rather simple but as we continue, it’s getting more and more complex and that’s when I think I should’ve paid a lot more attention in class rather than catching the winning TD pass in the closing moments of the Super Bowl. For all the teacher’s out there, I apologize for daydreaming in your class (but you have to admit it was boring…HA!); you now have another example to use to tell your students about how your subject ties into the real world (not that I’m telling you how to teach, it’s just a suggestion if kids ask “why am I learning this?”). In the case of language and language composition, it is useful when learning a second language. “But I don’t want to learn a second language” will be the whiny response. Hey, you never know where life will take you. I never thought I would be working in China.

Just one more item that to adds insult to injury concerning learning Chinese. The kids are taking Chinese in school and I guess they are doing okay with the language although the only time they use it is when they want to tell me I’m saying something wrong (POW!!! Right in the kisser!!!). The other week we are in the Bamboo shop (a place that sells things made of bamboo, not sure what the real name is but that’s what we call it just because we can) and they don’t have what we are looking for, they are out of stock. The lady picks up the phone and calls someone to inquire about this item and after a few moments on the phone hangs up and returns to us. She starts talking and trying to tell us something. Tammy is trying to understand, I’m trying to act extremely interested in something over there and the kids are just mulling about. Warren steps up to try and help out but he’s also a little lost. I walk by Jacob who has not interest in the conversation and is just looking to leave the shop (or pickup everything on the shelves no matter how many times we tell him “look, don’t touch”). He says “day after tomorrow, same time”. What? “She said, day after tomorrow at the same time she’ll have them here”. AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! I relay the information to Tammy and she confirms with the lady by using words she knows (not that we don’t trust Jacob but he could’ve just made it up so we left, not that he would do that [wink-wink]). That little booger (I have better terms but I’ll keep it clean)!! Here we are trying to learn and understand; trying to figure out what is being said, struggling mightily and from the peanut gallery…. Using all of our “skills” with the language to determine if she is hitting on me (c’mon, it’s possible….okay maybe not), making light of Warren’s big feet (definitely possible), telling us to go away, etc., and in comes Jacob and seemingly without any effort, picks up exactly what she is saying. Now that is frustrating! Many times we have had to try and rely on our kids to help us understand what the locals are saying since they seem to have a better grasp of the language than we do. That’s a tough pill to swallow (after all we are the parents), I would love to be able to understand what is being said, even if I can’t respond exactly the way I would like. Tammy and I will continue to take classes and increase our vocabulary but we know that our kids already know more than we do and they will continue to outpace us in this area. It’s not a bad thing, it just is what it is.