Meeting the kids

Saturday night, for the first time I invited two of the kids from work to dinner to meet Tammy. Matt and his wife Veleta also joined us for dinner so Matt’s wife could meet some of the kids we work with. I had been thinking about this for a long time and had not done it thinking that some of the kids might be offended if they were not included in the group. However, after some internal debate (yes, I debate with myself like any other “rational” person would), I decided to just ask out two of the kids to join us. I went with the two girls (young ladies) that I have worked with for the longest time and are good workers with whom I have a good relationship. These two young ladies (Vicky and Fen) have both been recognized and promoted to the position of team leader in their department so I figured I could justify the dinner if needed. I gave them two ground rules for the dinner; 1) I was paying and 2) I would also pay the taxi fare for them to get to the restaurant. They said that they could pay for the taxi but I knew that it would cost them between 40 and 45 RMB for a cab fare and that would mean about 5% of their monthly salary to meet us for dinner. I found that unacceptable to me and I tried to convince them that it was happening despite their objections, after all it was a rule.

The next decision; where to eat (well duh!). I know have eaten at a few Chinese places because I can only go where I can read the menu (otherwise, I don’t go for obvious reasons) so I had to go with one of those places. Would it be the Sichuan place, the mutton place, the Hong Kong style food or some other place that they liked to eat…..this was a tough decision. I asked them what they liked to eat and they said anything was fine so it was up to me. I went with the mutton place (once again, it’s not called the mutton place, as we always do we call a restaurant by the name of the food we order or by something else, like the bamboo shop, the nut guy, the egg guy, the veggie lady, etc.). I brought in the taxi card for the restaurant and showed it to them and explained that we would eat mutton at this place (yang rou). They liked mutton so it was a good choice (or seemed that way because they could’ve just been polite thinking to themselves that they will eat before they meet us). When I attempted to give Vicky 50 RMB for the taxi, she would not accept it. So I placed it in with the taxi card and hid it from her so she took it and would figure it out later (the business card folded in half since they had many of these same restaurants around the city) and maybe give me the money back later. Either way, I gave her the money so I held up my end of the bargain.

So Saturday night comes along and we meet Matt & Veleta and walk to the restaurant. The girls were already there waiting on us but we weren’t late so I didn’t feel badly about that. They were dressed very nice where we went in the standard shorts and t-shirts (it wasn’t a black tie affair for us but perhaps for them it was more meaningful). We complimented them on how they looked and sat down to dinner. The waitress was there immediately looking for our order but we needed time to look at the menu. She talked directly to the girls and looked past us like we weren’t there at all. Strange but not totally unexpected, I guess she expected that we didn’t speak the language and only came there so the girls could order for us. We asked for a little time and a second menu. Believe it or not, at most of the Chinese places, we get one menu for the table (no matter how many people are at the table). If you ask for a second one, they will provide it but it’s not standard practice. I gave the menu to the girls to pick out what they liked. The mutton place serves what is considered Northwestern China dishes. It also has some pages listed with some ___stan (you know one of the former Soviet Republics that ends in …stan. I’m not sure which one so I’ll just leave it as a …stan) dishes. The restaurant also could be considered a Muslim restaurant due to the dishes served and the selection of meats but I think it has moved away from that somewhat as now the menu also has some chicken and beef (before it was all mutton). Anyhow, the girls choose a cold tofu dish, a fish pot dish and some mutton skewers. We add in green beans, sliced potatoes&peppers, lamb chops, mutton pizza, and nan bread. They were okay with our selections and we would try theirs, it’s the Chinese way. Order something and everyone shares, it’s why going to a Chinese place by yourself isn’t a good experience. You get what you order, there’s no additional egg roll, chicken wing and rice included. When you order a dish, it’s a full plate of that, not an individual portion. Then the drinks, we order beer and the girls go along but I’m not certain that they drink much beer (if any). The waitress tries to get us to Suntory beer but we want Harbin beer (the official beer of the World Cup…it’s true). We have tried the Suntory before, it’s not very good. She wasn’t happy but she complied with the request. You see there was a girl walking around in a Suntory “costume” (like a Suntory beer babe) that was trying to convince people to get that beer but she wasn’t having much luck.

So while we wait for the food, we talk with the girls, just some small talk. What did you do today, blah, blah, blah. Tammy would try to talk to them in Chinese and they would giggle at her just like they have done with me for many months (so it’s not just me). We talked about many things, who cooks for them at their apartment, what do they like to do, etc. It started a little awkward but after about 10 minutes, it was no problem. We would talk to them about the US and US expressions and they would talk about some Chinese things. We would exchange words in both languages (what is the Chinese word for …) and just had a good time. Some of the more interesting things were that dishes we ordered, they would cook at home so perhaps we weren’t all that different with the foods we liked. Fen preferred meats and Vicky preferred fish, but they both ate a little of everything. It was a good time and everyone got plenty to eat.

After dinner, we asked them if they wanted to go see the light show at the lake. They wanted to go but it was raining. They had an umbrella but we did not so it was a question of if Tammy and I wanted to get wet. It was a light sprinkle and it was hot enough that you didn’t really get all that wet but you would get a little wet. We told them that we would go despite the weather so we hopped into a taxi and headed for the lake. We were a little late (about 5 minutes) and missed the start of the show but we still had plenty to watch. Here is where it got interesting. They had an umbrella, we did not. We stood and watched the show but they would not use their umbrella. It finally dawned on me that they would not use it while Tammy and I got wet, I’m not sure why but they didn’t. I told Tammy to go stand with them and have them bring out the umbrella so she would not get wet. They did but they kept looking at me and wondering why I was standing in the rain. Again, I wasn’t getting soaked, it was more a nuisance than anything else but I guess it was odd for them. We watched the light show and they seemed to enjoy it. We then headed out to find them a taxi to get them home. While we walked to get the taxi, Vicky walked next to Tammy and held the umbrella over her to keep Tammy from getting wet. Fen walked with me in the rain. I tried to tell them to get under the umbrella but they were having no part of it. I guess for them, it was something engrained in their upbringing and we could not change it despite our objections. It was actually kind of nice since I think it was about respect (for their elders, after all Tammy is old). It’s not something I would expect at home but I’m not at home am I? Anyhow, it was interesting to me. When we got to the street, there were a ton of people all looking for taxis so we decided to move up the street to the corner to have a better opportunity to get a cab. After a couple of minutes, they started to talk about taking the bus but I didn’t want them to have to take a 45 minutes trip back home since they would have to change buses to get home. I know it’s something they are used to but I didn’t want them to have to do that. I told them we would get a taxi and again I would pay for it. They objected a lot more strenuously this time as I tried to give them 50 RMB for the cab fare. Just as we were discussing, a taxi came available and we hailed it down. Tammy is trying to give them the 50 and they are trying to give us their umbrella, meanwhile the taxi waits. It must’ve looked funny to someone walking by as we are forcing money on them and they are forcing an umbrella on us. I grab the taxi door and open it for them as they hop in. They close the door so we keep their umbrella but they keep the cash for the ride. We waved goodbye and it was over.

As we walked the 10 minute walk to the apartment we talked about the evening. Veleta had been in China all of 2 days and had her first meal with Chinese, I’m sure it was a little strange to witness the interaction between them and us. It’s an odd thing to be in a foreign country and try to communicate with the knowledge that perhaps less than 50% of what you say is understood. From my experience, many times it’s more about context than anything else. At work, I may not be able to communicate effectively with all of the workers, we can understand some of what is being said by motions, expressions, etc. I have been told many times that these kinds of dinners and other things outside of work go a long way towards building relationships with the locals. This was an attempt to do just that. I think it helps for them to see that we are very similar to them and how we try to communicate with the locals in Chinese. Although our Chinese is very poor, the effort is what is appreciated. This may be why we get the giggles from the locals when we try Chinese, they aren’t laughing at us (I hope) and are entertained by our effort (does that make sense?). I know I am entertained by the mistakes I make with the language (telling the driver to turn right instead of left, etc.). That’s the toughest part for me. I know I have to speak to get better but the “fear” of making an error drives me to not say anything if I am unsure. I’ve got to get past that if I am to get better.

One last thing, you may be asking yourself "what about Warren and Jacob?" Well, they weren't invited to dinner so they ate pizza at the apartment and watched tv, played the wii, whatever. We weren't gone more than a couple of hours and we weren't but two blocks away so we didn't feel strange leaving them at home. We've left them before during the day while we go for a walk, shop or whatever if they don't want to come. It's good for them and for us (probably more for us) and here there isn't the fear of leaving them alone like it might be at home. It sounds strange right? We're in a foreign country where anything can happen and we're okay leaving the kids alone for a few hours. I don't think the kids at work were ready to meet Warren and Jacob just yet but that time is coming. I'm going to continue to take out the kids from work maybe once every couple of months. Perhaps the next time it will be for bowling or something like that. I'll let you know.