NEWSFLASH!!!

Today we’ll be revisiting recent blogs to provide you with an update on where things stand (this is a Muppet News Flash)

First, I’ll bet you are all wondering what is happening with my insurance situation. Well pilgrim, I’m glad you asked. It turns out that they cancelled my policy (now isn’t that a kick in the pants). Not only have they cancelled the policy, they did so without even telling me until AFTER the official cancellation date had passed. Isn’t that just swell!?!? The reason, you want their story or the truth (you can’t handle the truth!)? Their reason is that the risk for an unoccupied dwelling is too high and therefore, they have to cancel the policy. Now, the truth is that they cancelled the policy because I didn’t lay down and accept their adjuster’s recommendation. According to the timeline (and I have put together this timeline), the policy was cancelled just about the same time that their adjuster came out to look at the damage to the roof. My guess, he saw the “For Sale” sign in the yard and made his decision about the damage and also communicated with State Farm that the house was empty. Of course, we appealed this and we actually won that one after we sent in a complaint to the GA Insurance Commissioner’s office and contacted the regional director for State Farm. To define win, they reinstated the policy for another two months to allow us time to find a new insurance carrier. They did not back off of the fact that they were no longer going to insure my home. I was going to dump them anyhow (I am breaking up with you) so it’s not a big deal but it’s just another thing that I have to deal with that really should not have happened. Insurance companies are in business to make money so that’s the way the ball bounces. I guess they forget that the money comes from people who have insurance that pay them for the insurance (i.e. me). Somehow it makes sense to them to cancel the policy so I’ll find a new carrier and see where it goes from there.

How about the tattoo thing, how’s that working out? Well, it has been interesting to see the reactions of my Chinese colleagues. Most have really liked it but the funniest part is that two of my colleagues have gotten their own tattoos. Ken got his despite his wife’s disapproval when he asked her about getting one after seeing mine (he said he had always wanted one). He actually went out and got it done. He got one of the small tribal type black tattoos on his upper arm. You wouldn’t know it was there if he didn’t point it out because it is hidden by his shirt sleeve. I think he was inspired to do this when he saw mine and figured that I wasn’t a bad man so he wouldn’t be a bad man either. His wife…..well that’s his problem to deal with because she wasn’t happy anyhow (one small step for man, one giant leap for your wife to remind you of every other day when she does something you hate. When you least expect it, I make you pay.). Another female colleague got a star on her right shoulder blade area. It looked really good; she actually showed it to me first before anyone else could see it. In both cases, they surprised me more with how they treat the tattoo than the fact that they actually got a tattoo. They are told not to wash the area and leave it alone for a week before they can wash it again. This is totally different than what I had to do after I got the tattoo. I washed it with soap and let it air dry, then I applied the antibacterial ointment on the tattoo. After it had a few moments to dry, I wrapped the tattoo in plastic wrap (use Glad Cling Wrap to keep your chicken arm fresh) to keep it from sticking to clothing while drying & healing. At night, I would come home, wash the tattoo and let it air dry and then wrap it again before bedtime. I had to do this for a week to keep the area from getting infected. They seem to just let it heal without any treatment, something I would never have let happen. When Ken showed me his tattoo on Thursday, it was looking pretty rough. It definitely wasn’t healing the way I thought it should but what do I know (my experience is two tattoos, the Chinese built the Great Wall so they must understand the tattoo). I told him to put some medicine on it to prevent infection and it would be fine (I hope). It’s strange, people will wear masks over here to keep from getting sick and they freak out if they get a small cut but give them a tattoo and they do nothing. They don’t seem to understand that a tattoo is a series of very small puncture wounds. Very strange but somehow it makes sense for China.

Warren still needs to write about his trip to Chengdu. He went on a trip with classmates to work in one of the Panda Sanctuaries in Chengdu. This is the place where the pandas that are on “loan” from China come from (like the ones at the Atlanta Zoo). He got to work with the panda caretakers and played Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs) for a few days as he cleaned panda poo and helped to feed the animals.

How about the eyeglasses? Surprise! Surprise! The glasses are perfect, no issues, no problems. I know; I am as surprised as anyone. I figured I would put them on and walk into a light post or something but I can see just fine. Warren’s are the same way. Now it gets me to wondering, why does the Optometrist do all of those extra things if the machine will provide you with a prescription? For anyone that has had an eye exam, you know the routine. You look into machine (just like the one they had here) and it tells you your vision (Man! You are blind!). However, back home that’s just the beginning of the experience. Then it is sit in the chair for 15-20 minutes and wait for the eye doctor to come in and review your history and the new vision. He then does the air-puff thing on your eyes which I think is a test for glaucoma or something like that (everyone loves this test, keep your eyes open and have them hit your eyeball with a quick puff of air making you head jerk back….). Then he’ll put that goofy, massive borg-looking machine in front of you and start the click-click-click as he allegedly dials in your prescription. Then its start the selection process as you read the eye chart. “Which is better 1 or 2…..1……2…..2…..1?” You say “2”. “A…..B…..A…..B……or about the same?” “The same” Click-click-click. Now which one “1….2…..1…..2…..1…..2?” All the while you are sweating it out as you realize that any mistake will screw up your eyes worse. You start to wonder if it really matters and find your mind drifting away to the dulcet tones of “1…..2…..1…..2” (and ah-one and ah-two and ah……). Then you are snapped back to reality as his voice seems to change and he’s becoming annoyed that you can’t make a decision. “C’mon dummy, it’s either 1 or 2, do I have to draw you a roadmap?” (even if you did I couldn’t see it) Then it’s almost over or so you think. He makes some clicks and says “can you see the chart?” (sorry, I wasn’t paying attention is that an “W”), this is your new prescription. (Can I see “A” again?) Here was your old one, and here is your new one. There’s virtually no change (great, and how much did it cost me for that piece of news?). Then it’s time for the dreaded, “We want to dilate your pupils, is that okay?” (HECK NO!) Whatever. So they put drops in your eyes and make you wait in the waiting room and expect you to read a magazine or something but you can’t focus on anything because did I happen to mention that my pupils are dialating. (What!?!?!? Ellen is dating Oprah or does that say Elton John is signing opera? Oh crap! I picked up People magazine! Loooser!) After 10-15 minutes it’s back into the room to wait for the doctor again. This time he picks up the magnifying glass that he used as a kid to burn ants and decides he will focus his “laser” beam on the back of your eyeball (insert evil laugh here). He gets uncomfortably close as he stares into the back of your eyeball like a witch doctor studying the bones he just rolled out on the table. (this year’s American Idol winner will come from the US. Tell me more oh powerful one. The world will end of March 21, 2011. Swing-and-a-miss.) After a few minutes he’ll tell you everything looks good and then it’s out to pay for the visit and select your glasses. All the while you can’t see crap. Am I writing a check or am I just signing a Post-It note? You have to rely on someone to help pick out your frames and tell you if they look good so you don’t pick out ladies glasses. Remember, my eyes are dialated, how can I pick out frames? Then they send you out into the bright sunlight to watch you hunch over in pain and the light burns a hole through your head (it burns, it burns). You look like a reject from The Lost Boys as you stagger to find your car and wait for the light to go out. Hopefully you have some old people sunglasses (you know the ones I am talking about) to allow you to drive home.

But I digress from the point (don’t I always). Does all of this mean that your prescription is more accurate? Not really, last time at the eye doctors before I left, the prescription I had was bad and it made me sick to put on the glasses. The doctors could find nothing wrong and so I finally had to go to another eye doctor who fixed the prescription. Here, one “doctor”, one prescription and everything went fine without all of the other extra add-ons (how about the extra-thin lenses….that’s an additional $80. You should get the scratch-resistant coating…another $40. How about the lens cleaning kit? And so on it goes…). It may turn out that I was lucky but somehow with all of the Chinese that wear glasses that they know what they are doing here. So we’ve been to the dentist (and by we, I mean Tammy and the boys), the doctor and the optometrist here without any major issues. Lucky for us, Suzhou is pretty comfortable for Westerners so it’s probably a lot worse in many other places.

So, what’s left? The one update that maybe you already know. We are heading back to the US in July (should be home on July 4th…..sounds about right doesn’t it?). We’ll be leaving Georgia and heading to South Carolina so we’ll be looking for new digs and finding out what we have missed the past two years. What about the blog? You’ll have to wait and see.