Seeing Clearly

Today Warren and I had another new experience in China; we went to get our eyes checked. It has been 2 years since our last eye examination but at some point in time you have to make a decision to be sure you can still see what is happening around you (who moved that tree?). Unfortunately the fact that there is an English speaking clinic for medical and dental issues here kind of spoils you. As far as an eye doctor, we tried to find someone but we were unable to locate an English speaking eye doctor here in Suzhou. So we had to test the waters with a Chinese speaking “doctor” (or someone who played a doctor on TV). We didn’t know exactly where to go but we knew of a place in the Neighborhood Center that sold glasses. This is the same center where we get out train tickets (and by “we” I mean Tammy) so how bad can it be? Train tickets….eyeglasses, almost the same right? We walked by the place a couple of weekends back and I wasn’t really sure about it but Warren needed new glasses so it was time (feel the power of the dark side) to test the waters.

The eye shop was kind of similar to a Lens Crafters or places like that. Small counters with different types of glasses and lenses, there was also a small section (about the size of a broom closet) where they appeared to do the eye exams and another small section where they prepared the lenses for the frames. It was kind of a typical place but to a much smaller scale. There was no back hallway leading to the examination rooms or the dentist-type chairs to sit in with all of the fancy, high-tech looking equipment all around. It was a simple shop where they sold eyeglasses and where we assumed they performed eye exams. There were two ladies working along with an older gentleman that you first assumed to be the optometrist (and you know what happens when you assume) but he wasn’t (so much for the power of perception). We went in and looked around for a moment and once she looked to be “free” I walked over and indicated Warren (that’s right, put your first born in the line of fire….I’m not gonna try it, let’s get Mikey) needed an eye exam and the lady took him over to the small examination area of the store. It was like a small alcove in the store that was separated by a short 2 ft high wall. She sat him down and had him look into the magic “this is your eye prescription” machine (you know the one, it shows the house and the field) to figure out what his new prescription would be. She told him to put his face into the mold while she setup the machine (did I mention she was speaking Chinese). The funny thing was that because of his height, he was trying to move his chair down at the same time she was moving the machine downward. He is trying to lean into the machine without having to stoop over like the hunchback of Notre Dame and she keeps dropping the height on him. Eventually, he put his head in there and got the readout. Then she took these “Harry Potter meets Harry Carry special black and round slotted frames and put some lens options in the slots and had him put on these “glasses” to check his prescription. It was pretty comical as he had these Borg looking (resistance is futile) glasses on. She then had him sit in another chair to look at a mirror located about 2 meters in front of him and read the chart that was over his head. Let me say it again, he sat in a chair underneath an eye chart and looked in the mirror to try and read the chart. It contained E in different directions (up, down, left and right). She stood next to him and took her ruler and pointed to an “E” and told him to tell her if he saw it. Warren was all confused as she pointed and asked him questions in Chinese. I figured it out as I watched from the peanut gallery and told him to give her the direction with his hand. Then she would say “Hao bu Hao” and move on to the next line. He was starting to get it when she asked even more questions (all in Chinese of course). It was pretty comical, Now Mr. Potter please tell the class about the potion that she has taken that is forcing her to speak in a language that only she can understand. I’m trying not to laugh loudly but I am chuckling as she asks him questions and then turns to the tray of lens inserts and adds them and continues to ask questions. Warren would look at her, with those huge, bug-eye frames and try and figure out what she said but he was having limited luck. She then asked him “Shufu bu Shufu”. We had no idea what she was asking so she tilted her head to the left and right like some kind of insane bobble head doll and continued to say “shufu bu shufu”. Now I can’t help myself, I’m laughing louder watching this comedy unfold. Warren is sitting in the corner of this little closet wearing the Harry Potter birth control glasses (black frame with the red lens selections) staring at a mirror while trying to figure out what this lady is saying in Chinese about the stuff she Is pointing to just over his head.. We still both looked confused when she kicked it up a notch and came over to me and wrote out the character for “shufu” on a piece of paper. Ooooh, now I understand (not!!!). She must’ve thought a lot about me because I looked smart or something (man was she wrong; people think I’m white and nerdy). I had pulled out my Chinese-English dictionary and was trying to figure out how to spell “shufu” in Pinyin so I would know what the heck she was saying. Finally, it became clear…comfortable. She was asking if the glasses were comfortable, meaning was he feeling okay with the new prescription. Aha! Now we’re getting somewhere. He had no issues so we could move forward to the frame selection.

This wasn’t as bad, although the selections were a little weird since the Chinese pretty much have rectangular frames all the time. The round frames are not normally used here. As with any eyeglass place, they had some winners and losers for frames. He would try on a pair, she would mumble something and either take them back or laugh and take them back. Too big, too small, not right, whatever. It was like the normal routine at home just with a different flair. Of course, Warren and I were on our own here without a female presence to tell you what looks good (look mom, I dressed myself!). Warren had to say “This is when we need Mom.” as I would provide my typical supportive statements when he was trying out the different frames. You know what I am talking about “Hey, those look okay….if you want your girlfriend to dump your butt”, “Those ones are nice…for a woman”, ”Oooh, I like those….not!” Your standard, run-of-the-mill supportive parent type comments (look, I am not the one you should be looking to for advice on anything to do with fashion, I freely admit it). I am not sure why he didn’t find me helpful. Eventually he settled on the style and then she showed us a book and was pointing to different tables. I had an idea of what she was indicating because there was a cost number attached and told her that was okay. Warren looks at me and says “did you understand her?” I said no but she was indicating costs so she was talking about lens options and thought that his prescription would be okay with the standard lenses. You know, back home they give you the once over with the “how about the UV coating?”, “you want the thinner lenses”, “how about tinting”, and so on as they go “cha-ching”. Here I had no idea what the options were but I guessed that it was about the lens thickness more than anything else and of course, I was right (as far as anyone could tell). So she tallies up the final costs for the exam (if you want to call it that), the frames and the lenses….560 RMB, that’s $86. Find me a pair of frames in the US that costs less than $80. It’s crazy!

So after he was done, I stepped up and got my eyes checked as well (step aside and let me show you how a man does it!). My exam was limited as she indicated that my current prescription was good and there was no change needed. Then it was pick out the frames and lenses for me. I picked out some of the magnetic frames (that have the sunglass attachments) and thought those would be okay for me. The best part was that I got two different attachments, one that was a blue shaded option and the other she pulled out of the case for me to try. She held this little card out in front of me and had me look at it with and without the shades. The card changed and revealed a secret message as soon as you put on the shades (don’t forget to drink your ovaltine) like some kind of super spy trick. It was really bizarre because she said that those lenses were made for driving. Driving, really!?!? So the frames allow you not to see people as you focus entirely on driving? (pay no attention to the person on the bicycle since they are paying no attention to you) Perhaps they omit the other cars on the road? With the way they drive, I think everyone has a pair of these lenses (Wow! The whole road to myself, this is great!). Anyhow, I got those frames with the attachments, all for 800 RMB, $125. I couldn’t even get frames in the past for that much. Of course, the proof will be in the ricecakes. If we get the glasses and they don’t help, then it’s wasted money but if these work, we’re golden.

She originally told us tomorrow afternoon to pick up the glasses but then was telling us something different. Sometimes, knowing words is okay but it still tough to understand the full message. I understood company and go home but the rest was a mystery. Another Chinese was in the store and she talked back and forth with him when he tried to tell me that it would be Tuesday before the glasses would be ready. The lens makers (time to make the lenses) were off of work for the day. Ahhh, no problem. Tuesday is fine.

The best part was that when she took our glasses for the measurements to fit the new lenses, she wiped them with this cloth before she handed them back. It looked like an old, dirty dishrag that was dingy gray color. She wiped the glasses and Warren whispers to me “wipe them before you put them one” but I wasn’t listening. It was like a bum at the airport was washing your windshield with a grease rag, everything was blurred and nasty. I really don’t want to know where the rag has been but I suspect it was used to clean more than just glasses (time for the Fox5 Investigative Team to jump into action). I just said thanks and headed out the door and wiped off the glasses with my shirt. Meanwhile, she headed for the bathroom with "the cloth”……aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!