There are a lot of things we missed while we were in China; one of the biggest was the Thanksgiving holiday. The first year in Suzhou, we went to the dinner at the school (yummy, cafeteria turkey) but the second year we did nothing special for the holiday. Before leaving the US, Thanksgiving was the time where I would get out the turkey fryer and deep fry a turkey. This is one of the “Southern traditions” that we adopted since moving to the South. We had never done this before moving to Georgia and once we tried it, we never went back to cooking the bird in the oven. We tried many different injections and marinades for the turkey but settled on Alton Brown’s brining of the turkey. This is by far the best method we have found to cook a turkey using the deep fryer. We have a “special” relationship with Alton Brown since Tammy and Jacob went to the taping of his turkey special where Jacob made the famous statement “Hey, you know you forgot the stuffing?”. [Editor’s note: Jacob is currently writing his memoirs about his rise to fame and his desire to remain grounded as a middle class kid rather than seek stardom at an early age. What a trooper!]
Anyhow, the turkey fryer we had was old and was damaged to some extent by someone hitting it with the car (I wonder who would do such a thing….I think it was those PETA people). It had some rust (which is not good eats) and before heading to China, the decision was made to “retire” the fryer since it would probably not make the 2 years in storage and still be in useable condition when we came back. With Tammy’s new job at Target (who says there aren't jobs available? She got the job in less than 3 days. Granted it’s not a full time job for $15/hour but a job is a job.), we decided to head out to Target to get a new fryer. We picked up a nice fryer and 6 gallons of no cholesterol frying oil (no cholesterol?!?!) as we prepare for the deep-fried turkey for Thursday. I get it home and start to assemble the fryer to ensure everything works. There’s nothing worse than finding out it is broken while we have turkeys waiting for the 30+ minute soak in the heated, amber whirlpool.
Imagine my surprise when I see pieces that make little sense to me as I pull out the components and start the process. “What’s this thingy? A timer?!?! Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!!! There’s a thermocouple and a timer tied in to the propane gas nozzle. Why? So that a stupid person doesn’t leave the deep fryer unattended for more than 15 minutes. If you do not consistently reset the timer, it will shut off the gas which stops the cooking process. “Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!” This is going a little too far isn’t it? I mean c’mon people. Are we that pathetic that we need the manufacturers to include these things to prevent us from potentially cooking something without being right next to the fryer. Isn’t the purpose of frying a turkey to actually cook it with heat? Now, because some ambulance chasing attorneys have probably made $$$ from these companies, they have tried to prevent people from doing something that could be an issue. Isn’t this America? You mean to tell me that I can’t walk away for more than 15 minutes…..is that right?!?! Granted, I would always remain near the fryer when it was operating (unless I was taking the first turkey out of the fryer and carrying it into the house) so I am responsible when operating the fryer. Just because someone chooses to be irresponsible, does this mean I have to pay the price? What if I am out there for 14 minutes and need to go into the house to check on something, the timer goes off and the fryer turns off by itself. Now I head back out after being in the house for less than 3 minutes and my oil has lost temp and now my turkey is in danger of not being cooked. Now I risk salmonella because some damned fool probably burned his house down or burned himself with a turkey fryer.
All of this for what reason? Think about it for a moment. If you have a gas stove, you could turn on the burner and walk away, blissfully “unaware” that you left the burner on. (I know, I know, no timer….sounds like crazy talk!!!) How is it possible that they overlooked this possibility and didn’t install a timer? Why not on the oven as well? It should shut off after 15 minutes right? Sure, I can’t cook anything unless I can be right there all of the time to reset the timer but that’s the price you pay for safety? Sure the lasagna tastes like crap because the cheese isn’t melted but isn’t it worth the “inconvenience”? I wonder how this could have been overlooked by Maytag, Whirlpool and all of these other companies. Maybe it’s because stoves have been like this for generations and people understand the risks. Folks, you can’t fix stupid. You can try to educate but it’s really up to people if they decide to listen. As long as people can only hurt themselves, then let Darwin’s law take over. Watch an episode of World’s Dumbest and you’ll begin to understand the problem. Adding safety features is okay but let’s not do it at the expense of the actual use of the product. Why not add a timer to cruise control, reset the timer every 15 minutes to ensure the driver remains awake. The fact is that people can use products for many reasons that are not included in the operator’s manual. You can’t stop people from doing stupid things no matter what you do so accept it. Change the legal system to a “loser pays” system and you’ll eliminate all of the stupid lawsuits (like the recent “roaches on a plane” saga where passengers are suing for nearly $1 million because of emotional distress caused by bugs allegedly coming out of the vents…..Oh the humanity!). Start taking away the license to practice from all of the ambulance chasers and things may settle back down. I guess I shouldn’t complain but it’s in my nature. Making things safer is a good thing but people have to be responsible, bottom line, and there’s no switch they can make that ensures this will happen.
Anyhow, the turkey fryer we had was old and was damaged to some extent by someone hitting it with the car (I wonder who would do such a thing….I think it was those PETA people). It had some rust (which is not good eats) and before heading to China, the decision was made to “retire” the fryer since it would probably not make the 2 years in storage and still be in useable condition when we came back. With Tammy’s new job at Target (who says there aren't jobs available? She got the job in less than 3 days. Granted it’s not a full time job for $15/hour but a job is a job.), we decided to head out to Target to get a new fryer. We picked up a nice fryer and 6 gallons of no cholesterol frying oil (no cholesterol?!?!) as we prepare for the deep-fried turkey for Thursday. I get it home and start to assemble the fryer to ensure everything works. There’s nothing worse than finding out it is broken while we have turkeys waiting for the 30+ minute soak in the heated, amber whirlpool.
Imagine my surprise when I see pieces that make little sense to me as I pull out the components and start the process. “What’s this thingy? A timer?!?! Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!!! There’s a thermocouple and a timer tied in to the propane gas nozzle. Why? So that a stupid person doesn’t leave the deep fryer unattended for more than 15 minutes. If you do not consistently reset the timer, it will shut off the gas which stops the cooking process. “Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!” This is going a little too far isn’t it? I mean c’mon people. Are we that pathetic that we need the manufacturers to include these things to prevent us from potentially cooking something without being right next to the fryer. Isn’t the purpose of frying a turkey to actually cook it with heat? Now, because some ambulance chasing attorneys have probably made $$$ from these companies, they have tried to prevent people from doing something that could be an issue. Isn’t this America? You mean to tell me that I can’t walk away for more than 15 minutes…..is that right?!?! Granted, I would always remain near the fryer when it was operating (unless I was taking the first turkey out of the fryer and carrying it into the house) so I am responsible when operating the fryer. Just because someone chooses to be irresponsible, does this mean I have to pay the price? What if I am out there for 14 minutes and need to go into the house to check on something, the timer goes off and the fryer turns off by itself. Now I head back out after being in the house for less than 3 minutes and my oil has lost temp and now my turkey is in danger of not being cooked. Now I risk salmonella because some damned fool probably burned his house down or burned himself with a turkey fryer.
All of this for what reason? Think about it for a moment. If you have a gas stove, you could turn on the burner and walk away, blissfully “unaware” that you left the burner on. (I know, I know, no timer….sounds like crazy talk!!!) How is it possible that they overlooked this possibility and didn’t install a timer? Why not on the oven as well? It should shut off after 15 minutes right? Sure, I can’t cook anything unless I can be right there all of the time to reset the timer but that’s the price you pay for safety? Sure the lasagna tastes like crap because the cheese isn’t melted but isn’t it worth the “inconvenience”? I wonder how this could have been overlooked by Maytag, Whirlpool and all of these other companies. Maybe it’s because stoves have been like this for generations and people understand the risks. Folks, you can’t fix stupid. You can try to educate but it’s really up to people if they decide to listen. As long as people can only hurt themselves, then let Darwin’s law take over. Watch an episode of World’s Dumbest and you’ll begin to understand the problem. Adding safety features is okay but let’s not do it at the expense of the actual use of the product. Why not add a timer to cruise control, reset the timer every 15 minutes to ensure the driver remains awake. The fact is that people can use products for many reasons that are not included in the operator’s manual. You can’t stop people from doing stupid things no matter what you do so accept it. Change the legal system to a “loser pays” system and you’ll eliminate all of the stupid lawsuits (like the recent “roaches on a plane” saga where passengers are suing for nearly $1 million because of emotional distress caused by bugs allegedly coming out of the vents…..Oh the humanity!). Start taking away the license to practice from all of the ambulance chasers and things may settle back down. I guess I shouldn’t complain but it’s in my nature. Making things safer is a good thing but people have to be responsible, bottom line, and there’s no switch they can make that ensures this will happen.
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