Soccer (that's football to the rest of you)

With the Euro Cup Football championship happening right now (no really, it’s happening now) it’s a good time to talk about soccer. If you only watch soccer every now and again, this is one of those times to sit back and enjoy the sport. Before we left for China, we were heavily involved in a Christian youth soccer league at the church we attended. We spent a few hours per week and lots of hours every of Saturday at the soccer fields during the season to with the aim of providing a safe and fun activity for kids. What we enjoyed the most about the league were the people we met and worked with over the years. Being a Christian league, we really didn’t have much trouble with “those” parents (and you know who you are) which made it much easier. [Memory sequence……before we became a part of CYS, we were in the Henry County Soccer League. Warren played in the league for 2+ years and I coached him through U-6 when I decided it was time to leave the coaching to the “experts”. Even with the under 6 kids the parents were ridiculous. If their son or daughter was accidentally knocked down, it was “don't take that, push ‘em back!”. It was that kind of stupidity (flashback to yesterday’s post) that made us look elsewhere and find CYS. Sequence ended.] Now there were the difficulties that would creep in and some bruising comments but because we were surrounded with good people, typically we would be able to laugh it off (after venting about it) and move forward. After all it was about the kids, it’s why they call it a youth league (memo to every parent who was a high school star “athlete”….your time is over!). Okay, enough of the nostalgia, on to the story.

Since we returned to the US, we had not gotten back into the sport until this Spring when we signed Jacob to play soccer in the local YMCA league. We weren’t sure what to expect but we went in with “reasonable” expectations, after all the YMCA has been around a long time. We did have some experience with the YMCA in Georgia when we included their fledgling soccer program for one season with our league (after all it’s about community outreach). We found out rather quickly that they really didn’t understand the “C” in YMCA and it was a poor fit between the two leagues. We were happy to put that experiment behind us for several reasons, one of which was just the difference in how the kids played. The YMCA kids were the “ESPN” generation meaning that they trash talked and really didn’t know or care to know the meaning of sportsmanship. Our league wasn’t like that and I’ll leave it there. So in our return to the US, it was time for us to test the YMCA in Greenville to show us if they understood the “C” (if you don’t know about the “C”, you can Google it yourself…I can’t do everything for you).

I could go into a long diatribe about the program but I’ll stick to the basics. Like many other sports programs, it’s no longer about the kids….it’s the parents living vicariously through their kids that ruin the sport. I never wanted to be one of those parents but I found myself becoming frustrated on the sidelines because of what I saw. The YMCA directors seemed to just be there (never moving and never really seeming to take much of an interest in any of the games). I was rather surprised that there was no real feel for why they were there or even who was there representing the Y. Jacob played at 3 different fields and at none of the fields could you easily identify the YMCA person in charge or anyone else there to assist with issues. I guess as long as they got their money, they were happy. Now, what the money paid for I don’t know. The equipment was old and the fields were in poor shape so it made me wonder what we were getting for the money beyond a lovely YMCA shirt.

Item #2; the referees. The referees in some cases were two older kids wearing t-shirts and just walking around the field displaying the interest and enthusiasm of a vegan sitting down to a bacon cheeseburger lunch (with extra bacon please) at Five Guys Burgers & Fries. We watched and of course commented (to ourselves at first) on the relatively poor ability of these referees to not only control the game but to make the most basic of calls. I think they had a whistle (a dog whistle) but when they blew it, you didn’t hear it (although I did hear a hound dog bray in the distance). Maybe it was supposed to blow bubbles. Anyhow, at the half of Jacob’s first game, Tammy went to speak with a YMCA coordinator (who we did identify because she was in their golf cart wearing a YMCA shirt) and I kind of knew where it was going. She came back to get Warren and he was off to discuss becoming a referee for the season. It paid ($15/game) so it was a way for him to continue to stuff his mattress with money. Because of what I saw; the next weekend I stayed with Warren for the day as he worked with two college students to referee 6 games. With college kids being a referee on a U-10 league, you would expect it to be simple to call the game but it really didn’t work out that way. Warren still had some re-learning pains as he worked his way back into being a referee but I knew he would get better. Now being the nurturing parent I am, I told Warren what he needed to do to get better (read I told him what he was doing wrong) but the other guys were on their own. They didn’t run the field correctly and were consistently out of position which produced bad, or even worse, no calls for major infractions. Kids were getting feisty and the referees did nothing to calm the rough play, it was just plain bad. I had expected a little more from a program that was established but it wasn’t happening (let me be clear, it’s not the kids fault, without proper guidance and support you get what you give).

Item #3, the parents and coaches. Well, we found that what we had left behind was still there. I understand rooting for your child but in many cases, it seemed they were actively rooting against the other kids. There was always the one parent that would express their “superior knowledge” to the parents around them as if they all really were there to listen to the inane ramblings from this person (kind of like the writings of certain people that post their brilliant musings to an audience….poor delusional souls). For one game, we had just arrived with Jacob to play his game and I could sense that all was not well with the game Warren was handling. As I walked around to get a feel, I could sense where the trouble was emanating and then I saw the coach run over to the sidelines to talk to the parents. (Again, this is the YMCA). He said “I know we are getting the sh_t kicked out of us but we need to stop the chatter from the sidelines.” The parents seemed a little stunned and of course Mr. Smarty had to make snide comments after he left but the coach was right. The parents weren’t helping anyone with the comments about the way the game was being called. The game ended shortly thereafter and I went over to Warren and he told me that he told the coach that he would start ejecting parents if he heard any more from them. It was a tough game for him and he had reached his limit. (Again, I go back to an earlier point, where were the YMCA people to notice this behavior….). This same coach had also used foul language when talking to the kids on his team (which was a team of 8-10 year old boys). What a role model! Of course he wasn’t the only coach with issues; we found that we disliked a lot of them for many reasons. Now, a moment ago I bashed the referees; and here I am defending my son (because he never does anything wrong)….how do I justify standing on both sides of the fence? I actually don’t and I didn’t see the game to know how Warren did but what I did see, he called pushing and was doing what he should do. He was forceful on the whistle and loudly proclaimed the infraction and set up for the restart. That’s his job, calling the game as he sees it but dealing with the parents….that’s where the YMCA people should step in to support these kids. I heard only a few musings and I wasn’t pleased because the parents acted like they were chastising an adult and not a 16 year old kid. I saw a few parents talk to Warren after the game and the coach came back around to him as well so I think they wanted him to know that they appreciated the effort. [I always find it strange that people apologize for someone they don’t know but it is what it is].

As it turned out, we became “those” parents. We would watch and just get upset at the lack of participation by the YMCA in just about every aspect. When I sent an e-mail with what I thought was constructive feedback (and believe me, it could have been much worse) to one of the sports directors, I didn’t even get a simple note back saying that the e-mail was received and thanks for the involvement with the program (or at least a thanks for your feedback, we always strive to maintain the highest level of blah, blah, blah political brush off letter). That was probably the worst thing about it. I know that communication is the key to success and even if you don’t agree with the comments, at least acknowledge them. After the games, we would settle down because we would recognize that our reactions would be mirrored by our kids.

So what does this all mean? It means that we miss the CYS experience (Kelly, where you at?). Was it perfect? No, but we did whatever we could to make it better for everyone. We miss the people that were there to cheer the kids, week after week, regardless of the outcome. After all, isn’t that the reason why we put the kids in these programs (besides the exercise aspects). Maybe it’s one of those “you can’t go home again moments” but I don’t remember ever getting as uptight watching Jacob’s games as I did this past season. However; saying all that it’s all on me to live within the confines of “control what I can control” that so I don’t become the next parent you see on the news running on the field to tackle a kid after he does his celebration for scoring a goal. So my word of advice to all parents….let the kids play and stop with all of the other junk. After all, it’s just a game isn’t it?