Dora (part III)

So like any good sequel, we continue to describe the daily activities of the Dudley men as we attempt to survive without Tammy. Last night I decided I would cook dinner, not because I wanted to but because I don’t want to order for delivery. We ordered out for delivery on Saturday night and it wasn’t pretty. We decided to try out a Thai place here and found it to be very disappointing. The food was just okay but it wasn’t Thai or at least I didn’t think it tasted like Thailand. Now after being to Thailand I can turn up my nose at places and state in a very aloof manner “That’s not Thai food.” (and so I did, arrogant isn’t it) The food smell indicated right away that they were very heavy-handed on the fish sauce and it totally killed the meal. Warren didn’t mind (big surprise) but for me it was far too much. So that meant we would try and cook for ourselves. I pulled out the big guns and went for the Red Curry since it had been almost a week without curry and I had to get a true Thai fix in before I went into withdrawals. I followed the instructions and the curry came out okay, although the kids didn’t eat as much as they usually do. What’s the comment….your rice is dry. Being the loving parent I declined to beat them senseless and said “Of course it is (all the better to have some for leftovers), it’s with a curry.” I wasn’t defeated, it was edible and there was no “morning after” regret (if you know what I mean).

So food….check. Laundry, I am doing it but I don’t know where it all comes from. The kids seem to believe that if they touch something, it needs to be washed. Maybe it’s true but they wear PJ bottoms and the next day…in the wash. What!?! How about wearing them a couple of days before washing them? If they are standing up in the corner, it’s time to wash, other than that, man up and wear it for two whole days without washing them. Woah! Now that’s crazy talk! It’s insane how much laundry that two kids generate. It was getting to the point that I was going to have to call for “two for Thursday” and “free Friday”, meaning that on Thursday they would wear the same thing they did on Wednesday and on Friday underwear was optional (since it may not be washed). The washer we have is small and although we have 2 dryers, neither is really adept at getting the clothes dry quickly. The washer takes between 25 – 30 minutes to wash maybe two pairs of pants and a couple of shirts but that is it. When they come home, they put their clothes in the washer and change. Their PE outfits go into the hamper and wait for me to arrive to transfer the washed clothes into the dryers (or if it is nice, out on the line to dry….take that Al Gore!). The problem is I instantly have to do a second load which won’t see the dryer before bedtime and I can’t just keep washing all night because I have other important things to do (like play the Xbox or stare blankly at the TV and talk to myself, which is something I do anyhow even when Tammy is there but I like to pretend that she listens and enjoys my babbling. Actually I think she is online with a support group for women with husbands who believe every line they say is comedic genius.) I’ve gotten 3 loads done before I crash for the night but I don’t seem to be making a dent in the pile of laundry since the kids come home and change, then change again after showers. It’s ridiculous, you would think that they would enjoy being able to wear “dirty” clothes.

So I miss posting on Wednesday because I didn’t get the blog written in time. Our VPN that we were using was discovered by the “Evil Empire” and has been blocked. So now, I can’t access the blog site from home at any time. It’s one of the downsides to living here. There is also talk that “they” want to take over Skype. I hope that is just a rumor but you really never know what to expect here. It will be what it will be and no amount of griping on my part will make a difference. It will be "for the common good" (does that sound like a familiar refrain coming from DC?) and to ensure the public safety. Honestly, if they have time to listen in on the Skype conversations and review the chats, they've got waaaay too much time on their hands. I think they'd be pretty bored with what they read and hear as opposed to what the probably think they would be able to uncover about the evil foreigners.

Anyhow, Tuesday night, curry (homemade). Wednesday night, pizza (delivery). Thursday night, yet to be decided. I think that we will go with the old spaghetti standby. I'm sure the kids will want Sherpas again but I'd rather just cook something (I've got leftover curry I can eat) and clear out the fridge. Tammy will be home on Friday so the adventures of Camp Dudley will end and she can post her “backpacking” tour of Cambodia for you to enjoy (along with many photos).

Dora_II

Day 2 begins in relative calm compared to the quagmire that started Day 1. The kids finding out they didn’t have a key to the apartment just when they are exiting (of course, if I had not asked, they would’ve found out when they returned home…it might have been a good lesson for them as they sat out in the hallway waiting for me to come home from work). Using my calm demeanor and superior focus in times of crisis (yes that’s right, I yelled at them…sue me!), I explained the ramifications of the situation as I quickly packed a lunch and we all headed out in the rain to grab a taxi to drop them off at school and then take me to work. It wasn’t pretty because when it rains, the cabs are few and far between as their business picks up when people don’t want to ride the bikes to work and get soaked.

I came home from work and found the kids in the normal position, Jacob sprawled out with headphones in playing his computer games, Warren doing homework on the other seat. They had started the laundry (meaning he had pressed the “On” button) and had their clothes washing. Dinner was leftovers or instant noodle bowls because I had to go to Chinese class. I told Warren to use both dryers since the clothes wouldn’t dry out in the rain (I know I should not have had to explain this but since they only hear about 2 out of every 10 words, I have to be sure they understand). After class, it was snack, brush teeth and bedtime for the kids. I continued to wash clothes but since our dryers are really bad (takes about 1 hour to dry a pair of underwear) I had to shuffle what was being dried and hang some less important items to dry today. I also started a second load of laundry since I had a chance. No chance I would get it in the dryer but I could at least get it ready for morning. I played my Xbox game and then went to bed after my wife decided she didn’t want to talk to me (actually she had a long day “backpacking” and didn’t make it back to the hotel until very late).

So this morning, it’s still raining and I use my lightning-quick verbal reflexes to “discuss” with my children why they should take the small umbrella. Eventually my superior argument wins the day! (meaning they didn’t have a choice) I give them a small plastic bag to put the umbrella into their bookbags so it doesn’t get everything wet. I left it to them to decide who would carry this cumbersome load (you will, no you will, I don’t want the stupid thing, I don’t care, I’m not carrying it….) and then put the plastic bag into Jacob’s backpack. It was at this time that I discovered that he had his PE outfit in his bag. Was this the same PE outfit that I had placed on the rack to dry last night??? One touch and there was no denying it…it was the same one. It wasn’t wringing wet but it sure bordered on very damp. “Jacob (I say with my normal compassion), why didn’t you tell me you needed this today?” I don’t know (ah yes, the old familiar refrain that covers all questions that you don’t want to answer). “It’s wet (in my concerned voice, the old you’ll catch a cold thing)” I don’t care (and so it ends). Okay, enjoy running around in your wet pants, let everyone know your pants were wet before you went to basketball practice or maybe they’ll think you had an accident. Then I threw them out to go and catch the bus. I should’ve told him to put on his PE clothes and he wouldn’t need the umbrella but sometimes the enlightened banter from a teenager temporarily stuns me into silence (something like listening to members of Congress).

So day 2 begins with less excitement but just as much fun. Tonight I’ll have to try and cook something for dinner so I’ll let you know how that works out.

Dora the Explorer

Last weekend, Tammy and a couple of female friends took a day off from the men and headed to Shanghai for an overnight stay while the kids and I remained back in Suzhou. I know, you’re asking yourself “How is it possible that she needs time away from me?” I have a hard time believing it myself….it’s got to be the kids, they drive everyone crazy. (One example, the kids have “discovered” Weird Al Yankovic, I know how odd that sounds since he has been around for years, and they are playing “White and Nerdy” on both computers as I write this but the songs are not in sync so there’s a delayed stereo sound to it.) However, that was just a precursor for what was yet to come. This Saturday, she and a couple of friends headed off to Cambodia for some “backpacking” (I call it her “Dora the Explorer” trip). She is going to see Angkor Wat and a couple of other areas of interest in Cambodia on her week away. She and her friends kept calling it a backpacking tour of Vietnam and Cambodia but it isn’t exactly as you would see it in your mind when you think of backpacking. The Vietnam came off the trip and the focus remained on Cambodia. Although it isn’t really backpacking and roughing it, it probably isn’t a luxury vacation either. They found some decent places to stay and will see as much as they can before they return.

Again, I know you are asking yourself “How can anyone handle being apart from Scott for more than one week?” Yet another good question and yet another one that I blame on the kids! Actually, we have wanted to get to Angkor Wat as a family but I know that it’s not really one of those trips where there is a lot to do for the kids and with the time running short, I am happy that at least one of us will get out to see a little more of this part of the world while we have the chance. Perhaps if you beg, she’ll blog about her trip to Cambodia (backpack-backpack, backpack-backpack). She has taken both cameras and a small notebook on her journey to collect the memories for several blog posts so she should have plenty of stories to tell.

How do the kids and I get along with her gone? Well, it’s not the same and they know it. This isn’t like when I left and came over to China for 3 months without the kids. It’s different because without her here, the kids have to take a little more on themselves while I am at work. It’s not like this isn’t done every day back home but it is new for them. They understand that dinner will be later than normal and perhaps the menu will be a little less diverse. Tammy has added in Indian curries to her repertoire and I have no idea how to do that. I can cook many different things (wheat toast, white toast, rye toast…I almost qualified for Top Chef, but then they asked me to cook on the stove and the dream was over). When Tammy goes somewhere overnight by herself it’s referred to as “Camp Dudley”. When I am away for a night, it is party time!

One night they can live with, a whole week….that’s going to be a bigger challenge for all of us. Tammy will be using Skype on her phone to keep in touch with us so we look forward to hearing from her and hearing a bit about her day. Unfortunately, when you think of modern amenities you don’t necessarily think of Cambodia at the top of the list (Wireless, yes we have no wires.). We’ll have to wait and see how that turns out but either way, we’ll have photos and stories to listen to when she arrives home. The question is what will her family look like upon her return? Will the kids be disheveled and appear like refugees that had to escape some evil warlord (um, that would be me)? Will we all look a little leaner since the food options have diminished (mmmm, peanut butter on noodles, I like it but not every night)? Will my hair completely fall out or turn 100% gray? {Add in your own question in this spot}

This morning we found out that we only have one key for the apartment between the three of us and we can’t lock the door without the key. Someone (not me) has lost their keys but since they arrive home before me we have to travel together to school & work (ahhh togetherness). This tells you how the “Backpack-Backpack” week started for the men of the house. It’s not looking promising for the home team and it’s only Monday.

The good life

Many times I have had discussions with my Chinese colleagues about the differences between the US and China (nothing political or along the political lines, I keep away from discussions around that stuff, too many landmines there). Sometimes it is very interesting to hear their perspective on things and try to see things from a different viewpoint. I’ve worked with many Canadians and with them you can talk politics (although it tends to be them baiting me on the Republican/Democrat stuff) and although they come from a slightly different system of governance, it’s not the same thing.
This past week I spent time talking to two of my colleagues and tried to get them to understand what is happening in the US and what life is really like back home for many. The discussion started when I was told that they believe I would be here for many years, which I indicated is not a true statement. There was some surprise that I may be leaving soon and it seemed that they felt I would remain in Suzhou as part of the company for many, many years. I pointed out all of the other Expats that had worked here and since left to go home. “Okay, but you will have a good job when you go back home.” When I told them that my plant had closed, they seemed rather shocked that perhaps there wasn’t a job for me at home. “But you have so much experience, it will be easy to find a job.” I indicated that experience doesn’t count for much in today’s world. I had to point out to them that Matt (whom they knew, if you don’t know you can go back to read about Matt in previous posts) had gone back and was looking for a job. Huh!!! Matt is not working?. I indicated to them that other Expats that had left also did not have jobs. They were incredulous, how can that be? Why are they not working for the company? I had to point out that many of us came from sites that had closed their doors and that the plants were relocated to Suzhou. It still didn’t seem to hit home to them that these people they met were essentially out of work so they could have a job. I think they kind of understood but they didn’t seem to completely grasp the situation. All they know is that China is booming and there are jobs to be had for anyone that wants to work. They could not understand how the US was not in the same situation. For them, the US was always seen as the good life.

They hit me with the “good life” thing and I had to set the record straight. They thought that in the US, Healthcare was free. I told them that it was not, they were surprised. They thought that when you lost your job, the government paid you (I would guess this to be unemployment). I told them that this was true but the payment was not much and it was for a limited amount of time. They thought that when you retired, the government paid you. I told them again that this was partially true, you got paid Social Security but it did not mean you lived like a emperor. They have thought all along that in the US, the government would be there to get you through your life. Now some of the things were partially true but I told them about all of the economic issues and the housing issues in the US that is causing all of the problems. People accumulating too much debt and then walking away from their debt and perhaps filing for bankruptcy. They didn’t understand this at all because in China, the government owns the banks and if you can’t pay the banks for your house, you go to prison. If you try to leave your home and escape the mortgage payment, the government will find you when you relocate to a new area and you go to prison. Harsh, maybe but it’s probably a stronger deterrent to spending too much money than anything we have back home. I gave them the “there’s no such thing as a free puppy” speech and said everything is paid for through taxes. I get Social Security but it’s not the government paying me, it’s the government giving me my money back because I paid into the system. The healthcare thing hasn’t played out yet but I told them that the only way to pay for healthcare was to tax me so it wasn’t free. I was paying for it (even if I didn’t use it). At the moment, I pay into a health insurance plan through the company, it’s not free, it comes out of my check. I indicated the costs for healthcare in the US were rising faster than anything else so no matter if you got a pay increase each year, the costs for your insurance plan took that money and then some so you were actually still losing take home pay every year. Could it be worse, of course it could.

“But in America, you have human rights.” I didn’t touch this one; I just said it depends on what you refer to as a human right. I will not go off on a rant here although I am itching for one. It doesn’t apply to the story. They thought in the US, you had a job, a house, a car, money and everything would be handed to you on a silver platter. They did not think the US was a hard life. Everyone has a hard life, it doesn’t matter where you live it’s just how you define a hard life. People can work on a farm and work from dawn to dusk and be happy but for others; we would say that is a hard life. It’s a matter of perception. I told them that it’s about what you believe makes you happy. For too many in the US, there has been a separation from the belief system of our predecessors. Many now chase the “bling” to try and grab a piece of the good life. If their friend has a 60” plasma TV, they have to have one as well (or a bigger one). If their friend has a new car, they also need a new car. They chase the “Joneses” and never really understand why. The good life has been replaced by the “not good enough life”. Everything we have isn’t good enough so we go and buy more. I know I can’t pay the bills but I’ve got to have it, now the debt collector is calling and you are stuck. The generations before us that worked so hard to provide the opportunity for the good life would be appalled at how easily we’ve become distracted by things that don’t matter. The manta, “he who dies with the most toys wins” comes to mind. It’s a pretty sad statement.

So what is the good life? Is it something you can touch or show off to your friends or does it come from inside? What creates the good life, independence or dependence? It’s up to you to decide.