Merry Christmas (there, I said it)

It’s time for a soapbox moment (be very afraid). It’s coming up on December 25th again, the time of the year that we call Christmas. However, in an absolute stroke of cowardice many are afraid to offend anyone and therefore we can’t say Merry Christmas anymore. The mere mention of Christmas sends the PC police into a panic as the ACLU marches in (in their brown shirts) to ensure that no one is “left out”. The new definition of diversity means that traditional values are no longer traditional and anyone that is more “enlightened” can dictate how we should bend to the will of the few. Santa….he’s a religious symbol (after all he is called [gasp] Saint Nick isn’t he?). The Christmas tree…it’s now a “holiday tree” (of course you ask yourself “What holiday is it?” In schools it called the Winter Holiday which just happens to coincide with Christmas.). Being from Maine, it’s an absolute embarrassment that their Governor refers to the decorated pine tree as a holiday tree. Isn’t it bad enough that Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe represent the State as RINOs, now we have the Governors going all PC on us (can’t forget about Rhode Island). I guess we are to forget that a decorated pine tree is in fact, a Christmas tree (sorry to disappoint). If they want to create this “holiday tree” I don’t understand why they just can’t use something like a pecan tree (get it…a nut tree), after all if we are to do away with traditions, why not start from scratch (another Festivus miracle!). Not only that but find a new date that doesn’t already have meaning to others.

What is most interesting to us is that in China, people say “Merry Christmas” (and they are not arrested on the spot, no beating with rubber hoses, no stonings, no one correcting them and indicating it’s the winter holiday.). Consider that for a moment. In a country where there is a very small number of Christians (and the Chinese Christians in China go to State-approved churches that are monitored very closely to ensure there is no risk to the State from those attending the services), the stores put up decorations for the Christmas holiday and you see images of Santa all over (in some cases, the Christmas decorations are up for the entire year but that’s a different post). When they see a Westerner this time of year, they will say “Merry Christmas”, not with a sneer, not with a laugh but with a smile…“Merry Christmas”. Just to be sure the point is crystal clear, in a communist nation where the government rules with an iron fist, it’s “Merry Christmas”. In Thailand, where the majority of people are Buddhist, they say “Merry Christmas” (and we know this because we were in Thailand on the beach this time last year….best vacation ever!). So, once again, even where the religious beliefs do not follow the Christian doctrine, they respect the belief enough to say “Merry Christmas”. In the land of the “free and the brave”, we say “Happy Holidays” and hold out hope that we haven’t offended anyone.

Now I am not the most religious person, my faith is a personal thing and I don’t tend to openly discuss it just because I can. People can choose to believe as they see fit, that’s why people are given free choice. It just makes me wonder where Christmas will be by the end of my lifetime. I will continue to say “Merry Christmas” and if you are offended….tough luck (and to all a good night).

Fried over the Fryer

There are a lot of things we missed while we were in China; one of the biggest was the Thanksgiving holiday. The first year in Suzhou, we went to the dinner at the school (yummy, cafeteria turkey) but the second year we did nothing special for the holiday. Before leaving the US, Thanksgiving was the time where I would get out the turkey fryer and deep fry a turkey. This is one of the “Southern traditions” that we adopted since moving to the South. We had never done this before moving to Georgia and once we tried it, we never went back to cooking the bird in the oven. We tried many different injections and marinades for the turkey but settled on Alton Brown’s brining of the turkey. This is by far the best method we have found to cook a turkey using the deep fryer. We have a “special” relationship with Alton Brown since Tammy and Jacob went to the taping of his turkey special where Jacob made the famous statement “Hey, you know you forgot the stuffing?”. [Editor’s note: Jacob is currently writing his memoirs about his rise to fame and his desire to remain grounded as a middle class kid rather than seek stardom at an early age. What a trooper!]
Anyhow, the turkey fryer we had was old and was damaged to some extent by someone hitting it with the car (I wonder who would do such a thing….I think it was those PETA people). It had some rust (which is not good eats) and before heading to China, the decision was made to “retire” the fryer since it would probably not make the 2 years in storage and still be in useable condition when we came back. With Tammy’s new job at Target (who says there aren't jobs available? She got the job in less than 3 days. Granted it’s not a full time job for $15/hour but a job is a job.), we decided to head out to Target to get a new fryer. We picked up a nice fryer and 6 gallons of no cholesterol frying oil (no cholesterol?!?!) as we prepare for the deep-fried turkey for Thursday. I get it home and start to assemble the fryer to ensure everything works. There’s nothing worse than finding out it is broken while we have turkeys waiting for the 30+ minute soak in the heated, amber whirlpool.
Imagine my surprise when I see pieces that make little sense to me as I pull out the components and start the process. “What’s this thingy? A timer?!?! Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!!! There’s a thermocouple and a timer tied in to the propane gas nozzle. Why? So that a stupid person doesn’t leave the deep fryer unattended for more than 15 minutes. If you do not consistently reset the timer, it will shut off the gas which stops the cooking process. “Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!” This is going a little too far isn’t it? I mean c’mon people. Are we that pathetic that we need the manufacturers to include these things to prevent us from potentially cooking something without being right next to the fryer. Isn’t the purpose of frying a turkey to actually cook it with heat? Now, because some ambulance chasing attorneys have probably made $$$ from these companies, they have tried to prevent people from doing something that could be an issue. Isn’t this America? You mean to tell me that I can’t walk away for more than 15 minutes…..is that right?!?! Granted, I would always remain near the fryer when it was operating (unless I was taking the first turkey out of the fryer and carrying it into the house) so I am responsible when operating the fryer. Just because someone chooses to be irresponsible, does this mean I have to pay the price? What if I am out there for 14 minutes and need to go into the house to check on something, the timer goes off and the fryer turns off by itself. Now I head back out after being in the house for less than 3 minutes and my oil has lost temp and now my turkey is in danger of not being cooked. Now I risk salmonella because some damned fool probably burned his house down or burned himself with a turkey fryer.
All of this for what reason? Think about it for a moment. If you have a gas stove, you could turn on the burner and walk away, blissfully “unaware” that you left the burner on. (I know, I know, no timer….sounds like crazy talk!!!) How is it possible that they overlooked this possibility and didn’t install a timer? Why not on the oven as well? It should shut off after 15 minutes right? Sure, I can’t cook anything unless I can be right there all of the time to reset the timer but that’s the price you pay for safety? Sure the lasagna tastes like crap because the cheese isn’t melted but isn’t it worth the “inconvenience”? I wonder how this could have been overlooked by Maytag, Whirlpool and all of these other companies. Maybe it’s because stoves have been like this for generations and people understand the risks. Folks, you can’t fix stupid. You can try to educate but it’s really up to people if they decide to listen. As long as people can only hurt themselves, then let Darwin’s law take over. Watch an episode of World’s Dumbest and you’ll begin to understand the problem. Adding safety features is okay but let’s not do it at the expense of the actual use of the product. Why not add a timer to cruise control, reset the timer every 15 minutes to ensure the driver remains awake. The fact is that people can use products for many reasons that are not included in the operator’s manual. You can’t stop people from doing stupid things no matter what you do so accept it. Change the legal system to a “loser pays” system and you’ll eliminate all of the stupid lawsuits (like the recent “roaches on a plane” saga where passengers are suing for nearly $1 million because of emotional distress caused by bugs allegedly coming out of the vents…..Oh the humanity!). Start taking away the license to practice from all of the ambulance chasers and things may settle back down. I guess I shouldn’t complain but it’s in my nature. Making things safer is a good thing but people have to be responsible, bottom line, and there’s no switch they can make that ensures this will happen.

The Magic Bus

When we lived in GA, the kids were driven to the school by Tammy and did not have to take the bus for many years. When we moved to China, the boys had to take the bus to school. Now we all think of school buses as the yellow & black buses with the green, hard-as-a-rock bench seating. This is the type of bus that most of us were accustomed to riding from our youth. It’s amazing that since we were kids, there have been all kinds of improvements in auto technology but the buses did not seem to change as much through the years.

In China, the SSIS (Suzhou-Singapore International School) buses were the Greyhound style tour bus. They had comfortable individual seating for two people per row, per side and seatbelts were available at every seat. It was like the kids were superstars and got chauffeured to school rather than taken to school. I do not know that I ever saw a school bus that resembled the ones in the US, even for the Chinese schools. So the kids became accustomed to their grand mode of transportation to and from school. The drivers were obviously Chinese (what would you expect, Brits named Cadbury?) and seemed to enjoy driving the buses like they were small sports cars that could change lanes in an instant. They drove extremely fast and like any other Chinese driver seemed to think they were the only ones on the road. We didn’t just hear this from the kids, we learned this whenever we went to school and took the bus (when big things happened at the school, like International Family Day, they would setup a bus schedule to pick up families at various points around the city to transport them to the school). I also saw the buses zoom down the highway at high rates of speed when school ended for the day like some kind of restart of a NASCAR race (perhaps they also had nicknames like Smoke). There was one other thing that was different on the bus and that is the presence of an adult female (referred to as the Aiyee) who would monitor the kids getting on and off the bus and converse with the driver. The Aiyee was in charge of keeping the kids under control (if that’s possible) and also would from time to time seemingly berate the bus driver for driving too fast (or whatever, they spoke the local dialect so the kids said that she was dogging the driver but the Chinese tended to speak very loudly so who really knows?).

After two years of becoming accustomed to these coach buses for transportation, the kids return to the US and have to pull back their expectations to ride on the standard US school bus. There was no way that they would be driven to and from school since when we returned back home, we had one car. We’ve noticed that the buses are rarely on schedule and the drivers seem to change fairly frequently. However, this week we had the reality check which reminded us that we we’re not in China anymore. On Jacob’s bus, they had a substitute driver. On the way home, the kids were pretty noisy (shocking, isn’t it?) and the bus driver was giving the kids the “evil eye” in the mirror as she tried to settle down the bus so she could concentrate on driving. Keep in mind; this is a Middle School bus. One of the kids (a disrespectful punk kid) decided to be the smart guy and said loudly to the bus driver “Suck my _____!” (I think you can guess which appendage filled in the blank here). This is when it all went downhill for everyone on the bus. The bus driver stopped the bus and got up from her seat, went back and yelled at the students with some colorful language. Jacob told the story at dinner that the bus driver used the “D” and “F” word as she yelled at the students. Then she turned the bus around and took the kids back to the old Woodmont High School where two police cars were waiting on the bus. The driver got off and spoke to one officer while the other officer got on the bus to talk to the students. Jacob texted Tammy to indicate that they would be home late because the bus turned around (and more information would follow). It was an interesting story to me, as I asked Jacob if he knew the boy that made the statement. He said he did not but I told him that if he ever made such a statement to an adult that he would be punished beyond anything he could imagine.

Now, I do not condone the driver’s actions but in some respect I understand it. The driver was shown total disrespect by a student and allowed her emotions to overrule the situation. However, the student is the problem and should be punished! The driver must also face some kind of discipline for the use of the foul language as well since she is the adult.

It turned out that there was a story on the local news about the situation and the following night, we received a note from the school and found out that the bus driver was fired. One child captured the tirade on his camera phone and once the school saw it, it was all over for the bus driver. Here’s the link to the video, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cx46ciWRFsk
Now I don’t fault the school for their action but I also would like to know what they are doing to find the student that sparked this problem. This child needs to learn that being disrespectful has consequences. Unfortunately, this child will probably escape punishment which will re-enforce the notion that he can continue this behavior. It’s very sad to know that a child has been brought up to be like this but it seems to be part of the world now. Many parents do not hold their kids accountable and defend their child regardless of the behavior. “My Johnny would never do that!” This goes to kids of all ages. The other week we were at the school for a concert and a young woman was sitting several rows behind us with her younger friends and decided that being quiet and respectful for the band was not something she could do. Tammy turned around and gave her the “Shhhh. Seriously, you are an adult.” Now, a well-mannered person would perhaps sulk and fume over this but they would shut up. Instead, she continued to make “smart” comments about being told to be quiet. Rather than realize that people were there to hear the band she had to show her high school friends that she was better than us and she just refused to accept that she was wrong. She left at the next intermission but she had to make the grand exit by acting like a spoiled three year old. I kept thinking that her parents probably think she hung the moon. It’s a shame when parents are not parents and this is the result. She’ll eventually get a clue when she finds out that things are not handed to her and then she’ll become disgruntled and blame everyone else for her failings rather than herself. Anyhow, I have strayed from the subject which was the difference in the school bus situation.

The one other thing that is different is the way that the kids talk to adults. It’s one thing to “smart off” to your parents but to an adult you don’t know? That’s completely different. The kids at SSIS were kids but seemed to have respect for adults. Back in the US, kids seem to have the sense of entitlement which allows them to say what they want (or so they think). This is a generalization since not all kids are like that but it seems that this number continues to grow (calling Occupy Wall Street!). We saw many spoiled children in China so this problem that we have encountered is going to be a problem there and bite them in the butt even worse due to the One Child Policy. My only advice to parents….be a parent!

Party Time

This is an old story but hasn’t been revealed so I will go ahead and post this as I try and backfill the days leading up to the departure from China. We left China with mixed emotions because we enjoyed being there but we also looked forward to being closer to family and becoming part of the “collective” back in the US. For the last several months, we ran the full pendulum of emotions regarding our departure ranging from wanting to just to leave today and get it over with to more of an introspective, subdued mood where we would like to continue to experience life in Suzhou. Either way, regardless of the personal feelings, we were heading back.

The Sunday of my last week, a party was held in my honor (or it could be interpreted as a party to celebrate the departure of the skinny Laiwai “free at last, free at last” but I choose to believe the first option) to celebrate my time in Suzhou. It was held with my Chinese colleagues and friends at work. Obviously, we couldn’t go to Chucky Cheese or Outback Steakhouse so we went to a Chinese restaurant (Bei Men) for the dinner. I had no idea what to expect for the party and although I knew that many people were invited I had no idea how many would actually show up for the meal (although free food usually gets people to show up, regardless of where you live or if they like you or not. Free food AND drinks! Just tell me where and when…the why isn’t so important). When I arrived at the restaurant and was taken to the room where the party was being held I was very surprised to see that 25 people were there (perhaps the food was too good to pass up, sure they have to put up with me but those dumplings are to die for). The room had three large tables with the obligatory lazy susan in the middle of each table. The tables were arranged in a triangle of which I had to sit at the table that was located at the top of the triangle but I also had to sit on top of the triangle, it’s the seat of honor. It was a little unnerving because I’m not much for being the center of attention (sounds strange from a guy that writes about himself in a blog doesn’t it. I’m tired of writing about me, now you write about me for awhile.) but I had little choice. The food was being ordered and I had a quick look at the menu and chose the donkey “skillet”, everything else was chosen by others. I didn’t know what it was but I would have to eat something so hold your nose and pass the plate (let’s get another beer over here kuai yi dian).

Until the food arrived, there was some small talk at the table and a discussion about drinking and driving in China. The penalty for drunk driving in China is 6 months in prison and the loss of your license for 5 years. Now this may seem a bit harsh but the Chinese legal system is pretty darned efficient as a deterrent. Imagine that, caught drinking and driving and you go to prison; do not pass Go, do not collect $200. I think that if this was an automatic sentence in the US, perhaps the number of drunk drivers would diminish. Sure, the prison population might increase when the law takes effect but over time as people realize that you can’t get Johnny Cockroach, attorney at law, to get you off, they would stop. Keep in mind, that’s the first offense…imagine what getting caught a second time gets you. Anyhow, it was interesting to hear about the laws and I also know the German laws for this crime are also pretty harsh (of course in the US, we don’t want to use the word “crime”, we should say that the legalities for the disease are more humane (cough, cough, bull___!). What’s the legal limit in China, 0.08 just like many States in the US. [Editors note: It should also be pointed out that corruption is punishable by death in China. Imagine that! Again, laws should be upheld and the punishment needs to deter future law breakers. Martha Stewart would have made her last prison cell redecorating theme and we’d be rid of her, “you should go out with flair”] There were a few toasts to me early on with just small drinks of the beer as we waited on the food; however things were going to change very soon (as I would find out).

When the food does arrive, they spin it around to be in front of me first (Wheel of Green Stuff, Brown Stuff and other stuff). They wait for me to take some and this still isn’t good enough. I look at it, ask what it is and then put some on my plate but they all watch me and wait. I have to start to eat what I have gotten before anyone else begins to eat. It was a little (a lot) awkward as they sat and watched me but I eventually got the message and grabbed something and stuffed it in my mouth. There were peanuts, sweet lotus root stuffed with rice, cold pumpkin chunks (they ate the whole thing, skin and all…think about all of the “food” we waste at Halloween), a green pile of stuff which was crunchy but I had no idea what it was and many other things, some good and others….not so much.

While the appetizers were being eaten, the people at my table would fill their glass (maybe 6-8 oz) with beer and then fill my glass and offer a “toast”. They never said anything but expected me to drink the full glass with them. O-K-A-Y! This is going to get interesting. They would clap and laugh when I would down my beer and I would grumble something, which made them laugh even more. [In the interest of full disclosure, before I went to the party, Tammy and I went to the Blue Marlin to have a quick beer so I could prepare for the party. I had a .5 liter glass of Erdinger (German beer….excellent, now that is something I really miss) which at the time seemed to be a good idea. Now….not so much.] Even the women were getting into the act. Now they didn’t want the cold beer, they wanted warm beer. I am not sure why but for some reason, they seemed to prefer that. They started doing the drinking with me. First Vicky, then Amy, then Coris (and her 44 kg weight). In very short order, they were determining if I could hang with the big pandas. I was starting to worry as I would need something in my stomach to keep my head about me…seconds from disaster. Then the main courses started to arrive….whew! Disaster averted.

They pretty much left me in peace while I was eating but shortly thereafter, here they come. Individually or in small groups they came around to toast me and drink with me. Everyone had to have a drink with me, didn’t matter who it was or anything, they had to share a drink with me. To make it worse, some weren’t satisfied with just one glass of beer. As soon as that was done, it was refill it and drink again! Aiya! I had thought that this might happen but I really wasn’t prepared as they continued to drink with me. It wasn’t so much the beer, it was the carbonation. After 6 straight glasses of beer being downed in less than 10 seconds, my stomach was about to explode without some serious belching to get rid of the gas buildup. It was about this time that I brought out my camera for photos to see if I could slow the onslaught. The girls took the camera and started to look through the pictures that were still on the camera that included my wife’s “backpacking” adventures in Cambodia (and I am sure that some of those photos made an impression) and then some of Tammy riding one of the brooms in the basement of the apartment complex, “Why is your wife riding a broom?” That one I am sure they didn't get. How do you explain some of the photos….I just didn’t. I just said, “my wife is mentally handicapped, after all she married me.” [Tammy and the boys got a kick out of this story when they looked through the photos and realized the some of the photos probably did leave an impression as they noted the many photos of my wife and her Canadian companions seemed to always include some kind of beverage] Then, the photos started being taken with the groups and me. I went around to each table and took photos with individuals and groups to have more pictures to remember the people that I had come to view as my Chinese family.

The food was pretty darned good but they don’t really eat much meat, more veggies than anything else. It was odd but it meant more donkey for me so I wasn’t complaining. It wasn’t long before they started to bring out the watermelon and fruit plates; which is the typical ending for a meal. When that comes out, it is a signal that your time is up….now get out! We talked a little more and then it was time to wrap up the party and head home. There were some tears (of joy?) shed as it became reality that I was actually leaving. Some had known for months about my upcoming departure but did not believe that it would truly happen. Lina, the only remaining person we had from the initial group of 4 people that were hired to work in the plant. Vicky and Dragon; graduates of a local textile school that were part of the second wave of people hired. Amy, she was in the third group of operators that we hired, she was one of the oldest workers at 32 but she was also one of the best workers we had. Coris, one of our CIT Engineers that I had worked closely with as she worked to achieve her Green Belt. Tony, a Design Engineer that I had been training. Tony seemed to understand the “Western way” and was very quick to take on a task by himself. He wasn’t as hesitant to step out and do a job. His English was excellent and he was a teacher for me about different cultural differences between the US and China. [He previously worked for a Tawainese company before and was surprised to see the “lazy Americans” working with the people to get things done. We got our hands dirty and he didn’t see this at his previous company and had not expected to see it from a Western company. In the Taiwanese company, hierarchy was everything. The office staff ate in a separate lunch room and didn’t associate with the workers except to give them demands. So the American way of working was a surprise and made him believe he had chosen the right company.] Tom, Jackie, Hanbo and John; the four Supervisors that took a lot of grief from me since I had to express myself to them and they would translate for me to the workers. I know they didn’t always translate it exactly how I said it but they said what needed to be said…I think (if nothing else the workers knew how I felt by my reactions to certain situations). Jerry and Leo, the plant engineers that helped me communicate with vendors and contractors. They had a big job and put up with my rants about how things needed to be done. So many others Eden, Katrina, Sky, Ho, Ken, Xia Li, Archer, Gao, Laverne and the list goes on.

It was a good chance to spend a little more time with my co-workers away from the office and have the chance to let them know how I felt about them before I left and visa-versa. It was a huge challenge and risk to take this assignment but I made some good friends that I will remain in contact with for years to come.

US Marine Band

So we’ve been back and the blogging has stopped since the return. It’s not that I don’t have anything to write, it’s just tough to close out the posts. I have several in the works and just can’t seem to close them out. Some of the posts are old and actually from China so I have a hard time going back in time to get those done but it’s time to stop polishing the apple and put it out there. I’ll get better but it’s going to take a little time to get things rolling again.

Friday night we had the opportunity to go and see The President’s Own United States Marine Band. I have to admit that I have been to a performance of the band in my youth (geek!!!!). When we lived in Eastern PA we went and saw the band perform. My father, a former Marine, heard of the band coming and so we sent away for tickets to the concert. It was a simple exercise, the tickets were free, all you had to do was send in the form and they would mail you the tickets. Originally, we had planned to go as a family but Warren had to be at the football game as part of the marching band. Jacob escaped by going to his friend’s house. So, we were picked up by my parents and headed to Furman University to see the band.

When we arrived, it became apparent very quickly that there must have been a ticket giveaway at the local funeral home (don’t let your loved one pass away without taking advantage of this offer) or AARP meeting because the amount of old people was incredible. Perhaps the “free” cost for the tickets was a good excuse to escape the nursing home? I would say the average age of the audience was probably 60 and I’m pretty sure I say a dark robed figure carrying a large scythe lurking by a tree nearby watching the crowd. It was very odd as we looked around and knew that Tammy and I would be called the “children” by the group. The smell of Ben Gay and other various ointments was thick in the air as we waited outside to be let into the auditorium. I thought Florida was where old people went to die…..I now think its Furman University. They just kept on shuffling around like some kind of odd scary movie, “Zombie Grandparents take over (very slowly)”. I know I should not make fun of the elderly since there will be a day when I hit that age but since I have not yet…they are fair game (otherwise it would be ageism wouldn’t it?). To top it off (pun intended) here come this old gentleman that is bald, however he refuses to concede this point. How do I know? Well, it’s because he had the worst comb-over I’ve ever seen. He had maybe 30-40 hairs that came from the remaining hair he had near his neck and he had them swirly combed around the left side of his head to do the final swoosh at the front of his head. It was like a swirly top comb-over. This group of 30-40 hairs probably was 20” long since it had to reach from the back and then go around the head to the front. It looked ridiculous because he had such little hair everywhere else, the remaining hair he had was about the thickness of an eyebrow so it wasn’t like he didn’t know he was bald (or maybe he needs to change his medication. His doctor needs to be brought up before the medical board and explain what combination of medications provides this hallucinogenic effect.) It didn’t get better for us as the bald man sat directly in front of us in the auditorium and the guy sitting in the row behind us made the comment “look at that bad comb-over”, which made us snicker even more. I can understand the desire to try and keep the belief that you have hair but at some point, reality has to take over. Cut it and be done with it.

The doors open and the crowd moves forward as fast as their walkers would allow. Odd to have so many old people (who are from the generations where respect is engrained) and watch them slowly cut you off to get in front of you as you enter the building. I found the bathroom when we got in so I separated from Tammy and my parents and then had to walk into the auditorium to find them. I had to go for the obvious, look for Tammy’s brown hair in the sea of gray. I was able to find them along the far left wall. So we sat for about 45 minutes waiting for the concert to start watching and listening to the musicians warm up. At 7:15 ticket holders were to be seated and they would open the doors to anyone else left outside that could take up the remaining seats in the auditorium (very slowly). Right around 7:25 they turned the lights down and out came the band to start the performance.

They started with the National Anthem and then went through the performance. Some of the music I recognized from various movies, movies like The Dirty Dozen and of course…Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. When they started to play the tune from Pee Wee’s movie, they had a guy on the xylophone that was excellent. He went to town on the instrument and it was probably the best performance on the xylophone I’ve ever seen (not like I’ve seen that many so it’s not an “expert” opinion but it is a true statement). I still don’t know who the composer is but I don’t think he had Pee Wee Herman in mind when he wrote the piece. Either way, that’s how I’ll remember the piece. They played some other music before the intermission that, for me, was not really good. It didn’t seem to end and it didn’t flow very well. I think that perhaps I am more accustomed to the John Phillips Sousa music with the crashing symbols and quick pace. The Mexican composer music they played, I couldn’t follow and just didn’t like. It reminded me of the Simpsons episode where Homer and Marge are listening to Lisa’s band perform and the ever impatient Homer (who has tickets to see Tuck-A-Saurus) asks Marge “How much longer was Schubert planning on making this piece of junk?”. Of course, I turned to Tammy and asked her the same question. After the 15 minute intermission, they performed some of the hits during WWII with one of the Marines singing the hits tunes like the Andrews Sisters “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B”. Then they went on to another composer that wrote a piece about a walk along the Thames River in England. After listening to that, I wouldn’t want to take that stroll along the river. Finally it was on to another Sousa piece and then homage to all of the branches of the military where they played the anthem for each of the military branches one-by-one. They received a standing ovation and played one extra piece “God Bless America”. I am sure the “Occupy Whine Street” groups would be very offended by the show of patriotism (you know the belief that your country is the land of opportunity rather than the land of the oppressed) but it was appreciated by the crowd in the auditorium.

The President’s Own US Marine Band doesn’t ask for money and aren't hawking CD’s and other memorabilia before, during or after the performance. They are just a group of talented musicians that serve their country in the best way that they can. They hold performances all over the country and are well worth seeing if you get the opportunity. Just don’t be surprised if you go and you see a lot of the senior citizens.

Still Posting

I know there were those that felt that once we returned to the US that it would be the end for the blog. After all, how can you be “Dudleys Abroad” when you are in the US? I’ll tell you, we are still abroad. According to the dictionary,
a•broad (-brôd) adv. & adj.
1. Out of one's own country.
2. In a foreign country or countries.
3. Away from one's home.
4. In circulation; at large.
5. Covering a large area; widely
6. Not on target; in error.

Of course this doesn’t cover all of the definitions since we all know that broad can also mean a woman (as in, “She is one tough broad”), but I digress. Since we are “in circulation”, we’ll continue to be abroad until such time that we are no longer “in circulation” (which means that we have been cancelled like a stamp, taking the celestial dirt nap, going six feet under…you get the picture).

We have been back in country for almost 2 months now and things have been very hectic. Some things that seem simple in my mind aren’t so simple. Like what? How about buying a cellphone?
Tammy got to upgrade from her poor old jail broken iPhone 3 to the new and improved iPhone 4. This wasn’t much of a decision for her, we went to the AT&T store and she patiently watched me get bamboozled by all of the options while she waited for her turn to pounce on her phone. She has been counting down the days since her iPhone was having issues and could hardly wait to get back to the US and get that upgrade (oh, those wacky Apple people, always jumping on to the new stuff). It wasn’t even a question mark. Me, I have always just had the basic phones all of the time (it’s a phone right?). I may look like a techno-geek (“I want to roll with the gangstas but they all know that I’m white and nerdy”…Weird Al Yankovic) but I’ve never had anything but the basic phone. So, I got schooled in this phone, then this phone and then finally the “smart” phones (all I could think was “is a guy with a bro’stach invited to this party”). The young lady at the store was very nice and patient (as my wife laughed at me) while my head was spinning (I just want a phone…what’s a data plan anyhow?). Well, I ended up with a Blackberry (after all next year is 2012, the end of the world better live it up now). I was a lot leery of this new-fangled, fancy phone but after setting up my e-mail to be retrieved on my phone, it was the right choice. I can now text LMAO in less than 3 minutes with my Blackberry Torch! (Lookout world!) Having the e-mail has saved a lot of headaches and allowed for quick back-n-forth with documents and information, especially in discussions with our realtor & lending agent. I still don’t think I’ve scratched the surface of what it can do but I am on my way to being as tech-savvy as Al Gore (I’ll just have to limit the photo tweets of me in my skivvies).
How is this different than China? Well in China, you purchase a phone and a SIM Card and then pay ahead for minutes. I have noted in a very early blog that the Chinese are very particular about the phone numbers they get and will pay more for a “lucky number”. What is a lucky number….8. Remember, the Beijing Olympics started on August 8, 2008 (8/8/08), not a coincidence. An unlucky number is 4, why? Because it sounds like “si” which means death so many of the Chinese buildings are missing the floors that end with the number 4 (and also 13 because it’s unlucky in the US so they don’t want to take any chances). Once you buy the phone and get the number activated, you pay for the minutes you will use. When you run low, you get a text indicating you have less than ___ RMB remaining on your phone. You go to the store and add more money to the phone and that’s it. There’s no extra plans, no standard costs per month regardless if you make one call or 50 calls. It’s pay for use, but there are some hidden costs. Every time you receive a text, you pay. Guess who you get texts from all of the time….how about the cell phone company. So, basically it’s like a Go phone but you don’t just have the basic models like those phones. People pay for the latest and greatest gadgets and I don’t think I had ever seen so many people so focused on their phones but it is how they communicate. They can’t afford the laptops and such so the phone is the way they use QQ, surf the web, etc.

Let’s see, what else has happened since we got back. Oh yeah, the house. We were in our own version of House Hunters (House Hunters – Redneckville, not quite as popular as House Hunters International but it’s pretty similar but with flannel, coveralls and catfish). Yes, we had to find a place to live. We were currently living with my parents (we put the BOOM in boomrang kids) and as much as they “begged” us to stay (yeah right), we had to find our own place and get ourselves settled back into life in the US. We were lucky that my folks have a large enough house to accommodate us and that I have other siblings that could put us up so it could’ve been worse living in a motel all of that time. We started on July 6th and some 65+ houses later, we finally found a house that we could live with. We’ve been watching these house hunter shows on TLC and stuff and we see everyone goes through the same issues. Everyone wants the perfect house with everything but in the end, it comes down to what can you live without? I wanted a basement for my “man cave” but every house with a basement was in a bad location (either in the boonies or it would’ve doubled as the our safe room while waiting on the cops when the security system was tripped). I also wanted a yard, something where we could have some place for a garden and space between us and our neighbors. Again, a lot of homes with yards but the house was the problem. There was always something that sent us running for the door when we found a yard. [Side note: In the write up for one house, they actually wrote in that the owners shot a deer last year from their porch…now doesn’t that paint a pretty picture?]. We wanted a bonus room and that put a lot of homes out that we looked at. Some had the bonus room but everything else in the house suffered. This is a post in-and-of-itself with all of the different homes we have seen and the condition of some of the houses. It was an eye-opening experience to say the least (and maybe it’s better that I leave it there). It also provided us with a window into what buyers would look for when they walked into our house in GA. Although we did a ton of work on the house, replacing the carpeting throughout, replacing the vinyl flooring and painting…there are still other things that people look at when they walk through a home for the first time. Although the primary reason for the lack of a sale on the house is due to our price, it still doesn’t hurt to know what else people look for when purchasing a home. Our home was in good condition compared to what we saw around (like 3 dog night home where the basement had the enticing aroma of dog pee) but sometimes that isn’t good enough. People are driven by other things besides just the appearance of the home. It’s a lesson that might’ve helped us when putting the house on the market but we can’t change what has been done. Anyhow, we did okay considering we looked for about 1 month and saw over 65 homes. Perhaps you are wondering, “What put this house over the top?” Basically, it came down to schools. We found an IB school (same type as the school the kids went to in Suzhou) and that narrowed the scope to one school district and from that point, finding a house was easy (relatively).

Car. That’s right, we sold both of our vehicles when we left and now we have to replace them. Nothing better than adding back a car payment….YES!!!! Perhaps we would’ve been better served by keeping one vehicle but we didn’t so now we headed back out to find a car. Once again, the most hated professions….Politician (especially now, don’t forget that many are lawyers), Lawyer and Insurance Agent but we can’t forget those loveable car sales people. We experienced the standard bait-and-switch from the professionals at the Kia dealers (one word….sleazy). By the way, what happened to the affordable Kia’s? When we left, Kia was a car that was typically cheaper than other cars for the same size and similar model. Not so anymore, they’ve joined in with everyone else as far as price. We really didn’t like the people there (understatement) so we moved on the Hyundai and found two “good guys” that actually helped us out in the purchase of a car. The salesperson was knowledgeable and showed us the car from front to rear and explained everything in detail. Then came the test drive and pricing. Interesting enough, the manager is from Eagles Landing which is just down the road from Stockbridge. He was experiencing the same issues we were in our house hunt and he wanted to “take care of his people”. We got a good deal and were able to leave feeling good about the car. It has done well in the first weeks of ownership and we hope to drive it into the ground like our other cars.

These have been the big things we have done since our return. The kids have spent a ton of time with their grandparents making up for lost time while we were in China. I think they have now learned that Jacob and Warren can eat (and eat…and eat!). We’ve been busy and are ready for things to settle down a little. Once things settle down, we’ll get back to keeping the blog updated with fresh photos and stories of our departure from China and arrival back in the US.

Back in the States

I'll keep this brief (and this time, I mean it). We arrived back in the US (mainland, after a brief stay in Hawaii....story coming later) on Tuesday of last week. Since the return we have been very busy with trying to get settled since we nnot only relocated from China but also have to relocate within the US from GA to SC. It may not sound like a big deal but it has been a challenge.

Step 1: Get a phone. We accomplished that by getting phones from AT&T and I now have moved up into the tech-savvy age and have a Blackberry. I don't know what that really means but I can get my e-mail on my phone and browse the web. This has become a real handy feature since coming back to interact with our agent and others in real time. I know you are thinking this is a no brainer but you can't do anything without being able to reach out and touch someone (or visa-versa).

Step 2: Find a house or at least start the search. We found an agent online and have been working with her since we arrived. She was the only agent to really followup with me when I was in China and she seemed to actually want to work for her money. The other agents I contacted paid little attention (like they were swamped with business) or wanted to look outside the guidelines I established as far as costs and size, etc. With places like Zillow.com and Homes.com, the real estate business seems a little easier for us to find information on our own but we still need someone to setup the appointments and work for us. We could contact all of these other agents and agencies but that's a lot of work to do.

Step 3: Find a car. We sold the cars before leaving the US so we had to get some wheels of our own. We had a rental but that wasn't a good, long term option. We went through the typical dealership and got the bait-n-switch stuff but we walked away and found a good dealership and sales person that didn't leave us feeling like we needed to take a shower after leaving. We got a car at a price higher than what we wanted to pay but hopefully it works out for us. It just steals money from our budget for a home.

Unfortunately, finding a house in an alleged "buyers market" isn't so easy. We've looked at over two dozen homes and found that we had issues with almost every one of them. Some of the older homes should be on a TLC remodeling show to demonstrate how to bring a home back to it's original condition. The first house we looked at was of this variety. It had been empty for over a year but it appears the owners left in the middle of the night. There was stuff everywhere (seriously, blankets and personal effects on the walls, and all over) and there was even still food in the kitchen (what had not been rotten or eaten by the rats). It was a disaster that was $50K from being even remotely ready to occupy. Perhaps our expectations were higher but we have had a hard time finding anything that we think would work out for us. We even increased our price range to look at the next tier of homes and found basically nothing. The one house we found seems to be in the bad area of town and is overpriced and probably not a place to have a family due to the crime rates in the immediate area. It didn't appear that bad coming in from one side of the house but the exiting side...that was different.

House hunting is a real pain in the butt and it will continue until we can find something. Keep us in your prayers as we look to find something. We've got a lot of things to post regarding our last days in China, Hawaii, US Airways, etc. but that will come with time. First, we'll get re-acclimated to the US and then we finish off the book on China.